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The Lie That Made Me

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Re: The Lie That Made Me

#91

Post by fineIllregister »

qiskit wrote: post #69
WalterBright wrote: post #62

At one of the military bases my dad was stationed at, he told me about a local woman who was going about this the old fashioned way. She was dark haired, and had 6 blonde boys. Every year when there was a new crew at the base, she'd show up at the local watering hole and scout out the tallest, blondest, smartest serviceman she could find, and you can guess the rest. She never wanted anything else from those men, and…

> Every year when there was a new crew at the base, she'd show up at the local watering hole and scout out the tallest, blondest, smartest serviceman she could find, and you can guess the rest. Did she give them an IQ test before inviting them to her place? How did she determine which one was the smartest? This reminds me of an article I read a while back about chinese women who were desperate to use US/EU sperm bank…

> She could have sued these men for child support and possible ruined families and these men's lives.

If the men had families, then they the men would be the ones ruining their lives. Seems like they escaped accountability for infidelity and left the costs to the tax payers.

Re: The Lie That Made Me

#92

Post by darkerside »

vmception wrote: post #54
darkerside wrote: post #36

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Some people don't want to accept that the story of their life is not what they think it is

Others, like me, just don't care. I'm come with a feature of skipping all the other stages, straight from news to acceptance. Let other people have denial, bargain, anger, etc. I'm more like "huh, how about that, humans have a track record of doing things like that or being involved in things like that" If I found out I had a different parent, or a different sibling, I've already acknowledged the possibility of this.…

I think you and others implied a value judgement that I didn't make. I think some people are searching for a Truth that will make it all make sense, and others have found a truth that works well enough for them, and they don't want to shake it up. I've been on both sides of the coin myself.

Re: The Lie That Made Me

#93

Post by ChuckNorris89 »

croo wrote: post #88
ChuckNorris89 wrote: post #80

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>To be fair that selection process is close enough to how it works for everyone in the world As a short and not very attractive male, tell me about it :) In truth, before modern civilization, only one single male reproduced for every 17 females. That's some inequality, which I think is on par with how the market looks like on Tinder for some guys.

Could you please citate your 1 male -17 female ratio? The gender ratio wiki page tells nothing about it.

https://psmag.com/environment/17-to-1-reproductive-success

Re: The Lie That Made Me

#94

Post by aklemm »

WalterBright wrote: post #62

At one of the military bases my dad was stationed at, he told me about a local woman who was going about this the old fashioned way. She was dark haired, and had 6 blonde boys. Every year when there was a new crew at the base, she'd show up at the local watering hole and scout out the tallest, blondest, smartest serviceman she could find, and you can guess the rest. She never wanted anything else from those men, and…

Apocryphal and dubious. Likely a myth to prop up the collective confidence in being breeding stock.

Re: The Lie That Made Me

#95

Post by qiskit »

WalterBright wrote: post #82
qiskit wrote: post #69

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Every year when there was a new crew at the base, she'd show up at the local watering hole and scout out the tallest, blondest, smartest serviceman she could find, and you can guess the rest. Did she give them an IQ test before inviting them to her place? How did she determine which one was the smartest? This reminds me of an article I read a while back about chinese women who were desperate to use US/EU sperm bank…

> How did she determine which one was the smartest? Beats me. But here's the Ann Landers test for intelligence based on having a conversation with the person: 1. smart people talk about ideas 2. average people talk about events 3. below average people gossip about other people I know, I know, it's not perfect, but it's not a bad proxy. Yes, I indulge in gossip myself. No, I deliberately did not say "all" people for a…

> But here's the Ann Landers

I already know about the list but I'm not one to take advice from someone like ann landers.

> I have no idea if she was a good mother or not, but it's unfair to presume she wasn't.

A mother who intentionally deprives her children of their fathers and intentionally brings her children into a life of poverty? I'd say she's the definition of a bad mother.

Re: The Lie That Made Me

#96

Post by anonporridge »

selfhoster11 wrote: post #51
anonporridge wrote: post #46

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Unlikely from an evolutionary perspective. Those males who are psychologically ok with cuckolding will eventually fail to pass on their DNA, whereas those who have a strong aversion to it will be more likely to pass on their DNA. Being ok with expending your limited time and resources raising unrelated offspring is a self terminating trait.

I disagree. Memes (as in, the culture/personal worldview that can be passed on to descendants) are an equally interested angle of looking at this situation. While the genetics lost this battle, the father's meme is still passed on to the offspring, even if such offspring isn't biological.

I agree to some degree, and expanded as much in a sub comment.

https://wearehostsformemes.com/

Re: The Lie That Made Me

#97

Post by madrox »

maroonblazer wrote: post #55
madrox wrote: post #41

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think people with families can be incredibly protective of it and anything that may create emotional upheaval in it. If I were in his situation, I'd be thinking more about how this might impact my wife or children. Depending on upbringing and religion, I can see it being immensely traumatic for the rest of the family. I'd care more about protecting that stability than satisfying my or my donor child's curiosity. Yo…

I'm still not grokking the trauma. It's a cliche, but impregnating someone doesn't make you a parent, in the sense that's relevant to your comment. It's investing the time, attention, emotional and financial resources that grants one that status. If I learned that my dad was not actually traveling on business but instead tending to his alternate family, that would be sad. If I learned that he had biological offspring…

I think the failure to grok stems from you imagining yourself in this position and thinking about how you'd feel instead of imagining other kinds of people and how they'd feel.

If it helps, women tend to think about parenthood differently by nature...probably because their involvement in the act includes giving birth. A woman would likely find it more difficult to maintain that "sperm donor" separation. If the wife of the man is that kind of person, they might find it very hard to imagine the man maintaining separation (much the way you find it hard to imagine not maintaining it).

Even meeting once is spending time, attention, and emotional resources. And for the family, even that little bit can be the seed of questions of whether one meeting means there will be more. If I were in the man's position, it wouldn't be worth distress I'd cause. Better to have none than one.

However, we're getting into increasingly hypothetical territory. We're doing a lot to assume emotions and motivations on people and assessing their validity. Valid or not, I do see a world where I'd make the same choice this man made, and I wish them the best for it.

Re: The Lie That Made Me

#98

Post by WalterBright »

qiskit wrote: post #95
WalterBright wrote: post #82

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> How did she determine which one was the smartest? Beats me. But here's the Ann Landers test for intelligence based on having a conversation with the person: 1. smart people talk about ideas 2. average people talk about events 3. below average people gossip about other people I know, I know, it's not perfect, but it's not a bad proxy. Yes, I indulge in gossip myself. No, I deliberately did not say "all" people for a…

> But here's the Ann Landers I already know about the list but I'm not one to take advice from someone like ann landers. > I have no idea if she was a good mother or not, but it's unfair to presume she wasn't. A mother who intentionally deprives her children of their fathers and intentionally brings her children into a life of poverty? I'd say she's the definition of a bad mother.

> advice

I bet if you consider it in the light of your personal experience with people, you'll find it has merit.

Welfare in America means free food, free housing, free medical care, and free education. With loving parents, that's what one needs. I agree that an absent father is deleterious, though.

Re: The Lie That Made Me

#99

Post by strikelaserclaw »

WalterBright wrote: post #62

At one of the military bases my dad was stationed at, he told me about a local woman who was going about this the old fashioned way. She was dark haired, and had 6 blonde boys. Every year when there was a new crew at the base, she'd show up at the local watering hole and scout out the tallest, blondest, smartest serviceman she could find, and you can guess the rest. She never wanted anything else from those men, and…

was this army base located in Germany?

Re: The Lie That Made Me

#100

Post by worik »

gowld wrote: post #16
worik wrote: post #12

Earlier quoted context omitted.

anonymous sperm donation has been a bit of a disaster. It matters who your father is. For emotional reasons, and for medical ones. Collecting sperm off young men for $50 a pop is madness. And it seems that young men know it and do not donate. Hence the deception layered over the badness of the whole idea. I do not think that understanding who your family is is a particularly "western" preoccupation.

What's mad about it? Most people don't donate because they don't care (there are a lot of things I could do for $50 for a few hours of overhead and work), and there is plenty of supply from the people for whom $50 is worth paying attention to.

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