Just my own opinions to respond to a couple of your points:
- Visuals: Disappointing. Looked like a cheap free-to-play MMO. Cheap-looking textures, stock-looking characters
What settings did you have the game on? This has never been my experience with a Souls game - and definitely not Elden Ring.
- bad rigging (e.g. characters holding things in unnatural poses), etc.
Yeah, agree. Pretty typical for every game though.
- Controls: Unpleasant. Controls felt very sluggish. If this is supposed to make the game more challenging or something, this isn't a very fun mechanic.
The Souls series is definitely a little slower in that sense than most other games. If you want a faster weapon, use a faster weapon. There are a ton available, but there are tradeoffs! The series puts a focus on calculated, well-timed strikes; the most successful strategy is to learn your opponents' attack patterns and take advantage of the right moment to strike. Once you hit the attack button you're locked in to the attack, so you absolutely have to know the boss isn't winding up for another attack.
- Software quality: Terrible. Performance is not good, tons of bugs, graphics issues, wouldn't recognize my controller when I had multiple input devices plugged in.
Keep in mind these games are designed for and primarily sold on consoles - PC is the minority.
- Dialogue: What little I saw was super corny. Used as a crutch for poor level design. E.g. a ghost telling you something to the effect of "you need to jump into this hole to continue the game".
I won't comment on the "corny" part other than saying you kind of just have to lean into it... Enjoy it for the fantasy it is.
"you need to jump into this hole to continue the game" - that's the first 15 minutes of the game, teaching you that you'll need to pay attention to that kind of stuff later. There is very little handholding past the intro.
- Multiplayer felt like a cheap gimmick. I wanted to turn it off.
I'm curious about this, can you elaborate?
- Am I missing something? This is my first souls game;
In my opinion yes. But the genre is just not for everyone. It's a really different type of game and some people just won't like the gameplay.
- is feeling cheap and clunky part of the aesthetic?
Yes, but as someone who enjoys the genre, I wouldn't use the word "clunky". It intentionally pushes the player away from the modern norm where a game can be blown through by mashing the attack button.