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Why babies cry in the first three months, how to tell them apart, and what to do

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Re: Why babies cry in the first three months, how to tell them apart, and what to do

#131

Post by arbol »

progre wrote: post #116
spdegabrielle wrote: post #6

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I’d like to add: it is ok to ask for help.

This. My wife went half crazy from sleep deprivation when our baby was about 1 month. One time both she and our daughter fell asleep after late night feeding. I went to make a sandwich, and when I came back my wife was crying in bed trying to wake the sleeping baby because she thoght she had been sleeping for 5 hours but in reality it was more like 20 minutes. She was desperate because the baby wouldn't wake up and e…

Grandparent help would have been far more common in the past due to shared living arrangements. Makes you think it might be harder today when coupled with both parents working.

Re: Why babies cry in the first three months, how to tell them apart, and what to do

#132

Post by j7ake »

gsinclair wrote: post #114
bitshiftfaced wrote: post #84

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Why? Do you think something's wrong with that?

To me, it would take a mountain of effort to force myself to believe that breastfeeding is not better than formula.

It does not take a lot of effort: just look at a class of children at any grade in any country.

Can you accurately predict which ones in the class were breastfed versus formula fed given all information (excluding their feeding)?

If you ask teachers the answer is you cannot.

Re: Why babies cry in the first three months, how to tell them apart, and what to do

#133

Post by MandieD »

cocothem wrote: post #3

not sure how it works with twins quantity wise, but I see "bottle" being mentioned for the 3 mo babies - afaik best to get mother's milk as much as possible in the first 6 months

I had to give up on direct breastfeeding and switch to the pump with mine when at five weeks, he wasn’t gaining weight. Exclusive pumping for a week showed that I wasn’t producing nearly enough, so we supplemented with formula to get him back gaining weight. With a strict pumping routine, I was able to get him off formula after a few weeks.

I ended up mostly pumping until he was about four months, then completely - he was never that great at nursing. Yes, I tried lactation consultants. Helped a bit, but thank god for modern pumps and formula. And Baby Buddy (made sure he was getting enough in - he would go eight hours without complaint at one month, which is obviously a problem)

As to twins, breastfeeding one infant is a full time job requiring both hands - I can’t imagine having to feed two at once only from breast! Some supplementation is probably necessary for most of them.

Re: Why babies cry in the first three months, how to tell them apart, and what to do

#134

Post by feiss »

philliphaydon wrote: post #93
asdfasgasdgasdg wrote: post #2

Great if it works for you, but for those who are dealing with babies, I wouldn't beat myself up if this advice doesn't apply. The parenting advice world is chock full of people who found something that worked for them and who then made the unwarranted conclusion that it is universal truth. For example, their techniques that "always work" definitely do not always work. Maybe they always worked for their particular bab…

My daughter had 3 different cries that I learned when I was left alone with her for 1 week when she was 3 weeks old. Hungry. Wet. Tired. When I learned these she was easy to take care of. The night terrors tho. That phase is soooo hard. 3 weeks walking up in the middle of the night screaming for no reason. Hours to get her back to sleep. Then just stops…

> The night terrors tho.

i feel you -_-

Re: Why babies cry in the first three months, how to tell them apart, and what to do

#135

Post by theGeatZhopa »

basisword wrote: post #111
gameshot911 wrote: post #103

Of kids I've always thought "maybe one day". I can see how it'd be a tough, but extremely rewarding and meaningful endeavor. But reading this article made me think for the first time "actually, I think I don't want kids." So many "mental CPU cycles" spent learning about pregnancy, babies, why they cry, how to care for them. It just doesn't appeal to me at all - I think it'd resent it taking me away from spending time…

Your opinion may shift naturally. I’ve started noticing as I get older that, despite my career, social life, finances etc being better than some close friends with kids - they are much happier. Even the people who’ve struggled financially because of it. The joy of a child, the constant challenge of raising it, and the constant change as it grows, seem to provide much more happiness than I can get from doing the “new…

Totally agree. I think the shift came for me cause of feeling lonely and wanting someone to be happy when I open a door. A dog or something. At some point I realized, having a relationship with a woman can truly be deep and a kid is a kings crown. This is called growing up I think :)

Re: Why babies cry in the first three months, how to tell them apart, and what to do

#136

Post by MandieD »

elzbardico wrote: post #59
jordanpg wrote: post #45

Earlier quoted context omitted.

My point is that folks should consider their tone and words carefully on this topic. There are a great many women out there who would like to be breastfeeding, but can't, for various reasons. And the amount of guilt and shame experienced by many in this group, because of the glib culture surrounding breastfeeding, is doing severe and lasting damage to many parents' mental health. While not optimal, formula is a healt…

People should grow and care less about what others think

When you’re at your most emotionally vulnerable due to a seething mixture of hormones AND having primary responsibility for a tiny, helpless human, it’s a bit harder to do that.

Oh, and everyone feeling entitled to, nay, obliged to tell you how to do your job.

Re: Why babies cry in the first three months, how to tell them apart, and what to do

#137

Post by otabdeveloper4 »

jordanpg wrote: post #32
asdfasgasdgasdg wrote: post #4

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Negative. There is very little good scientific evidence that it is important to breastfeed. But even if we stipulate that mothers must breastfeed, many working women pump milk during the day if they don't have unlimited paid time off after birth. In such cases bottles must obviously be used. And many women cannot produce enough breastmilk, and must supplement with formula. And many other possible reasons why bottles…

Quoted post unavailable.

Oh come on!

Re: Why babies cry in the first three months, how to tell them apart, and what to do

#138

Post by MandieD »

fipar wrote: post #51
asdfasgasdgasdg wrote: post #4

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Negative. There is very little good scientific evidence that it is important to breastfeed. But even if we stipulate that mothers must breastfeed, many working women pump milk during the day if they don't have unlimited paid time off after birth. In such cases bottles must obviously be used. And many women cannot produce enough breastmilk, and must supplement with formula. And many other possible reasons why bottles…

I’m only replying on the Internet, I’ve never given anyone baby advice (or any other, for that matter) I wasn’t asked for. That said, breastfeeding is the only way babies were fed for almost all of our species time here. IMHO, if anything needs scientific evidence in its favor before I believe it’s good are alternatives to breastfeeding.

To be fair, high infant mortality was a sad fact of life before modernity, and it wasn’t all diseases. “Failure to thrive” was a common cause of death.

My aunt, born in 1941, was switched to formula after failing to nurse well. Despite those infant formulas being nowhere nearly as good as modern ones, she still grew up to be academically bright and athletic, and her younger sister, my mother, was witty and socially gifted.

If my grandmother hadn’t had that option, maybe my aunt would have eventually gotten the hang of it before my grandmother’s milk dried up, but being undernourished for however long that took might not have led to a woman who could get a geology degree - or any child who survived to adulthood.

Re: Why babies cry in the first three months, how to tell them apart, and what to do

#139

Post by Jaxan »

philliphaydon wrote: post #93
asdfasgasdgasdg wrote: post #2

Great if it works for you, but for those who are dealing with babies, I wouldn't beat myself up if this advice doesn't apply. The parenting advice world is chock full of people who found something that worked for them and who then made the unwarranted conclusion that it is universal truth. For example, their techniques that "always work" definitely do not always work. Maybe they always worked for their particular bab…

My daughter had 3 different cries that I learned when I was left alone with her for 1 week when she was 3 weeks old. Hungry. Wet. Tired. When I learned these she was easy to take care of. The night terrors tho. That phase is soooo hard. 3 weeks walking up in the middle of the night screaming for no reason. Hours to get her back to sleep. Then just stops…

> 3 weeks walking up in the middle of the night screaming for no reason

Only 3 weeks is not so bad. I woke up every three hours for the first 14 months. And then he just started sleeping well. It’s very random.

Re: Why babies cry in the first three months, how to tell them apart, and what to do

#140

Post by MandieD »

asdfasgasdgasdg wrote: post #68
cocothem wrote: post #8

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Interesting response. Let me just say that in general I would prefer the people around me to mention an alternative way of doing things (related to raising babies or anything really) along with some reasons if available. Not preach, just mention. So that they make sure I am aware of it. Maybe there is that one case where I find out about something I wasn't aware of. And then I wish we could all say "yes I know" or "I…

No mother in the United States is unaware that other people would prefer her to breastfeed. In general, what you say is true, but only for alternatives you haven't already considered thoroughly. And it will become annoying to be constantly confronted with a viewpoint about your most intimate choices. Like relatives repeatedly asking an intentionally childless couple when they will have kids.

Or possibly worse: asking a childless couple who desperately want kids but haven’t had it work out when they will have kids.

I’ve had to train a couple of young men to never ask a follow up question to a “no” when they ask if a female colleague has kids (and that actually, that’s a risky question to begin with.)

Nothing burns it into their little brains quite like hearing, “don’t ask anything that could be translated as, ‘so what’s your sex life like?’”

Worst: when a slightly older new male colleague, within 15 minutes of meeting me, asked if I had kids, then upon a negative answer, replied “why not?!”

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