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A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

jakobgreenfeld.com

341–350 of 510 posts

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#341
post #289

This is very well constructed but this is like a full time job in itself! I also worry that such a systematic method won't result in meaningful connections and could actually result in annoying your contacts or wasting their time..?

Birthdays occur slavishly on the same date every year. Is going to the same person’s birthdays too systematic?

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#343
post #216

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Every couple of days I scroll through my text history to the bottom and see if there's anyone there I'd like to talk to. I call it "The Poor Man's CRM"

I like this. I'd like it a ton if I had a single feed that would aggregate my texts, whatsapp, my various email addresses, telegram, signal, skype, zoom, facebook messenger ...

Sounds like the Rich Man's CRM to me

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#344
post #334
post #205

Interesting way to approach it, my approach might be less technical, when someone comes to mind randomly, I just txt them with: Hey, you just popped into my mind, I hope all is well with you and yours! It's simple, lightweight, and you'd be shocked how often the other person pings back. My completely un-scientific view is that most people think of others once in a while. Perhaps we're too busy to reach out, or the gu…

Yeah this works great until you realize you're the one _always_ initiating and they say "Wow thanks for getting in touch" and you don't talk to them for another 3 years.

Sure, but that just all it is though, a short two second message exchange. Everyone feels good for a bit, and that's that. What's the downside?

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#346
post #287

It's not clear why would anybody try to force a communication when there is no common interest, project, or actually any reason to communicate. It always looks fake and inevitably ends with discomfort. It's worth staying in touch if there is a topic to discuss, or mutual interest. If the whole routine is just for your own mental comfort that you are a "good" socialite, it's worth thinking twice before contacting yet…

Look at these assumptions that you just inserted:

1. No “common interest, project ...”

2. You just want to be a “"good" socialite”

3. “Forced”: A lot of social interactions are “forced” in the sense that the conversation does not flow completely effortlessly so this applies generally

As to (1): one can have common interests etc. even though one does not see each other regularly. As to (2): this is just a contentless insult towards people who like to socialize, similar to the “loner” insult which is aimed towards people who prefer to be more solitary, so this can be disregarded.

Really dumbfounding to see so many people in this thread who think it’s unnatural to keep in touch with people by way of things like the telephone.

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#347
post #176

"simple system" -> requires engineering skills and a full article to explain it. Keeping social interactions this way is kind of sad and gray, just keep less people around but with some quality time invested for them.

Is scheduling social events through a personal calendar also sad and grey?

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#348

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Normally I'd totally agree with you and cringe at what feels like ridiculous over-engineering of what should be a natural and effortless process... but I was just thinking last night how hard it's been for me to live hours from all my closest friends, and how covid has made it so much harder for me to get my extroverted needs met. My closest friends are, for the most part, our highschool friend group of 15 or so peop…

> Normally I'd totally agree with you and cringe at what feels like ridiculous over-engineering of what should be a natural and effortless process... To some people (like myself) human interaction does not come that natural .[1] The “naturals” then scoff (or even cringe) at the deliberate steps we have to take, as if we should just curl up in the corner and whither away. (That’s what I’ve done but that’s besides the…

Yeah, I agree with you. I think that invalidating tools and procedures like this is just being a little less than empathetic to folks who struggle a bit more with social interactions. It's worth pushing back on the narrative that there is a correct way to have your friendships.

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#350
The dawn of "digitally augmented relationship management"?

- Dave, I noticed you haven't spoken to X in a while. Do you want me to sent them a short generic message to keep the relationship warm?

- Aaw, thanks HAL. I love how you are taking good care of me.

On the other hand, we have finite and overburdened memories. Surely there is a way to get them triggered that doesn't feel mechanical and "fake".

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