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A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

jakobgreenfeld.com

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Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#321

Post by brudgers »

notreallyserio wrote: post #211

The biggest reason I don't maintain contact with people from my past is I was a much worse person in my past and I'm either embarrassed about my behavior or concerned that my shittiness is what led to our relationship in the first place. In any case, I find it's easier (and emotionally satisfying) to stay in touch with a couple people that I can have natural, unforced conversations with. Scheduling interactions on a…

I understand the feeling.

What I've learned in the last five years is contacting people has more upside than not contacting them.

The worst thing that can happen after contact is a return to disconnection and the other person maintaining the same opinion.

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#322

Post by avgcorrection »

Paul_S wrote: post #10

The next logical step is to have AI (GPT-3?) read the social posts of the contact and produce an email based on that and the last email. I hope the poor people on the other end of the author's networking scheme also have AI to read this and reply.

That’s a logical leap. No part of the interaction is automated.

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#323

Post by avgcorrection »

wccrawford wrote: post #181

Reading this, I also came up with a simple system. It call it an "address book". Write people's names in it, along with their contact info. Feel free to use paper or digital. Once in a while, look at the list. If you see someone's name and think, "I wonder how they're doing?", contact them . It's a lot more organic than scheduling the contacts, and it'll feel more organic to the recipients, too.

Seems really arbitrary to call one way organic and to deride the other approach like that. Everyone will figure out for themselves how much structure and organization that they need.

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#324

Post by avgcorrection »

bsaul wrote: post #253

This post has to be one of the most archetypal one on HN. Rationalizing human interactions with friends through the use of planification tools.

Some people put birthdays in their calendars. I don’t see how using recurring reminders in order to initiate contact is fundamentally different.

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#325

Post by vincentmarle »

kirso wrote: post #210
kator wrote: post #205

Interesting way to approach it, my approach might be less technical, when someone comes to mind randomly, I just txt them with: Hey, you just popped into my mind, I hope all is well with you and yours! It's simple, lightweight, and you'd be shocked how often the other person pings back. My completely un-scientific view is that most people think of others once in a while. Perhaps we're too busy to reach out, or the gu…

Exactly. Agree with this. I think we come to terms at a certain point that its impossible to stay in touch with everyone. I actually kept a table with people to stay in touch with them every: - month - quarter - 6 months - a year (if its less then you remember anyways) I quickly killed that approach, because people who genuinely understand overwhelm also are always happy to catch-up once in a while and we hold no har…

> Serendipity and randomness wins.

Randomness you said?

ORDER BY RAND() LIMIT 1

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#327

Post by dotancohen »

endisneigh wrote: post #220
mads wrote: post #218

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If I got a message like that, I would wonder which kind of sausage app or Like-Facebook-for-X development project, you wanted to peddle on me this time.

that would say much more about your friends than the message, though.

There's a message in there about if you want to know who a person is, look at his friends.

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#328

Post by surfsvammel »

I have a very similar system. I use Trello. I have one column called 1M, one called 3M, one called 6M (representing how often I want to reach out to them). Each card is one person and the cards have a field on them that is called: Last Contact. Every week, or so, I have a look at the Trello board. I look at the top cards in each column and if it’s time to reach out, I do so, update the Last Contact field, and move that card to the bottom of that column.

Sometimes I add notes to the cards.

That’s it!

Edit; The reason I don’t have one big list, is that I’ve gotten a sense of how long each list can be for it to be manageable.

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#329

Post by avgcorrection »

sweetheart wrote: post #275
bsaul wrote: post #253

This post has to be one of the most archetypal one on HN. Rationalizing human interactions with friends through the use of planification tools.

Normally I'd totally agree with you and cringe at what feels like ridiculous over-engineering of what should be a natural and effortless process... but I was just thinking last night how hard it's been for me to live hours from all my closest friends, and how covid has made it so much harder for me to get my extroverted needs met. My closest friends are, for the most part, our highschool friend group of 15 or so peop…

> Normally I'd totally agree with you and cringe at what feels like ridiculous over-engineering of what should be a natural and effortless process...

To some people (like myself) human interaction does not come that natural.[1] The “naturals” then scoff (or even cringe) at the deliberate steps we have to take, as if we should just curl up in the corner and whither away. (That’s what I’ve done but that’s besides the point.)

[1] It might come natural to the OP of course. Maybe they just like to be structured in this particular area of life.

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#330

Post by kirso »

brnt wrote: post #267
kirso wrote: post #210

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Exactly. Agree with this. I think we come to terms at a certain point that its impossible to stay in touch with everyone. I actually kept a table with people to stay in touch with them every: - month - quarter - 6 months - a year (if its less then you remember anyways) I quickly killed that approach, because people who genuinely understand overwhelm also are always happy to catch-up once in a while and we hold no har…

I don't know what it is in me or how it got there, but I seem to be thoroughly convinced that I'll only be bothering people. When I rationally think about it, even emotionally, I disagree, yet I cannot shake the instinctual feeling.

Not sure about the studies that are listed below. Honestly I just kind of try to understand the patterns / feelings and try to see whether its really intrinsic or something else.

But here is a good tip, people who want to stay in touch, will be in touch.

People who want to stay in touch and are busy will respond, are happy that you reached out and will suggest a catch-up

Rest is well, not worth your effort.

You can easily feel the vibe and if you would be a person I knew or met at some point I would be: "Wow so great to hear from you!"

I had this case last year when I reached out to an acquaintance, whom I helped back in the days and suggested a "catch-up over a zoom". To which he said he can't allocate time right now as he is busy. Had the same happened on Twitter. It felt a bit painful at first but then people are just living a busy life these days. Its a weird world that nobody experienced before...

So don't worry about these feelings, just do it anyways and worst case scenario you have a great catch-up and happy memories.

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