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A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

jakobgreenfeld.com

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Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#211

Post by notreallyserio »

The biggest reason I don't maintain contact with people from my past is I was a much worse person in my past and I'm either embarrassed about my behavior or concerned that my shittiness is what led to our relationship in the first place.

In any case, I find it's easier (and emotionally satisfying) to stay in touch with a couple people that I can have natural, unforced conversations with. Scheduling interactions on a calendar feels odd. It makes me think of those emails you get "from" somebody after signing up for a service, and after a few you notice their time stamps all end in 00:00.

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#213

Post by scatters »

kanonieer wrote: post #186

My immediate reaction to this: this is a form of sociopathic behavior. Then, I read the comments and saw that every person who came to the same conclusion is downvoted to hell. So I'm just adding this comment in solidarity with people who possess some sort of emotional intuition / "yikes radar". You're not alone.

Have you considered that your emotional intuition might be wrong? Does your "yikes radar" fire when you see people using mobility or sensory aids to overcome disabilities?

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#214

Post by WastingMyTime89 »

gjulianm wrote: post #190
terafo wrote: post #177

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Think of it as the lowest common denominator. It isn't "this person is not important, so I will contact them only once a year", it is "this person is important enough for me to contact them AT LEAST once per year". Flexibility isn't lost, but you have baseline level of commitment to every relationship. If you don't want to contact that person anymore - it's a conscious choice, not "just lost touch", but if you want t…

> but you have baseline level of commitment to every relationship. Well, the issue is that baseline level of commitment is extremely low, to the point where I don't think it's an actual relationship if you only talk once a year. Once a year and zero are practically the same. > You, obviously, SHOULD try to read blog/twitter/whatever BEFORE contacting that person, try to find something interesting there and talk about…

> Well, the issue is that baseline level of commitment is extremely low, to the point where I don't think it's an actual relationship if you only talk once a year.

I send all my former clients and coworkers an email every year to wish a happy new year and ask them how things are going/how the latest projects I knew they were working on is going.

It’s very different to having no contact at all. It’s always nice when you end up working with them again. They know you are not only a mercenary and view the relationship as something which will exist in time.

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#215

Post by throwit1q2e3r »

alexb_ wrote: post #21

It's completely and utterly superficial. You just cannot stay in touch with hundreds of people - it's not possible, unless you are doing so superficially and treating "friends" as "things I need to check up on so I don't lose a node to a network of people that might be helpful to me". Completely maxed out, humans can only have about 150 friends[1]. Trying to have more is just not being genuine. And think about the ot…

I would be happy that they valued me enough to add to their automation, and I would probably set up some automation to remind me to talk to them, and we would be automation buddies. Sounds a lot more fun than the likely alternative, that we never talk to each other again.

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#216

Post by bgroat »

kator wrote: post #205

Interesting way to approach it, my approach might be less technical, when someone comes to mind randomly, I just txt them with: Hey, you just popped into my mind, I hope all is well with you and yours! It's simple, lightweight, and you'd be shocked how often the other person pings back. My completely un-scientific view is that most people think of others once in a while. Perhaps we're too busy to reach out, or the gu…

Every couple of days I scroll through my text history to the bottom and see if there's anyone there I'd like to talk to.

I call it "The Poor Man's CRM"

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#218

Post by mads »

kator wrote: post #205

Interesting way to approach it, my approach might be less technical, when someone comes to mind randomly, I just txt them with: Hey, you just popped into my mind, I hope all is well with you and yours! It's simple, lightweight, and you'd be shocked how often the other person pings back. My completely un-scientific view is that most people think of others once in a while. Perhaps we're too busy to reach out, or the gu…

If I got a message like that, I would wonder which kind of sausage app or Like-Facebook-for-X development project, you wanted to peddle on me this time.

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#219

Post by jacobrussell »

I have an extremely similar system hacked together myself. It has definitely been a game changer for my relationships. I created it because I decided about a year ago I wanted to be a better friend, and the best friends I had were extremely intentional. I wasn't going to just get more intentional naturally, so this system helped me get there. Being able to reflect on what we talked about last time and get reminded to reach out after on a predefined interval is extremely helpful!

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#220

Post by endisneigh »

mads wrote: post #218
kator wrote: post #205

Interesting way to approach it, my approach might be less technical, when someone comes to mind randomly, I just txt them with: Hey, you just popped into my mind, I hope all is well with you and yours! It's simple, lightweight, and you'd be shocked how often the other person pings back. My completely un-scientific view is that most people think of others once in a while. Perhaps we're too busy to reach out, or the gu…

If I got a message like that, I would wonder which kind of sausage app or Like-Facebook-for-X development project, you wanted to peddle on me this time.

that would say much more about your friends than the message, though.
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