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That was my first thought, too. Then I thought, I should probably make more of an effort to stay in touch with people. Just not this way.
What could be a good alternative?
A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people
161–170 of 510 posts
Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people
#162The bad reactions here make me wonder what is an acceptable way to stay in contact with your friends. Consider the enormous popularity of social networking. What is that for if not to help you to stay in contact with people? Why is that OK but this isn't? People used to (some still do) write Christmas cards to everybody in their address book. Many of these would be people they had made zero contact with over the year. Again, why is that OK but this isn't?
I wonder if it's because this makes it too obvious what is going on. It fits a pattern I've noticed in general. People need plausible deniability. When things are made explicit like this, people don't like it.
Remember how long it took online dating to become popular? Part of that was how explicit it was. You were basically shouting "I am lonely and wish I had a partner". That was too much for many. Even now the popular online dating apps nurture plausible deniability (only on there for a laugh, to "meet people", to "make friends" etc.)
Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people
#163So he's treating people like assets, not friends, and these assets need to be checked on on a regular basis. If there were friends, he'd not need to be reminded of contacting them. He'd miss contacting them. So instead he needs a tool to remind him of that "friend" he needs to contact, because pretending to care is beneficial. One might some day need them. It's incredibly sad that his social life, or rather: the illu…
> If there were friends, he'd not need to be reminded of contacting them. He'd miss contacting them.
As someone who needs a separate text file for remembering important dates (from where i stand, calendars are just weird, the months names arbitrary, the amounts of days in each also an example of some odd legacy system), i disagree.
If my brain refuses to work well for dates for a few dozen people, why would someone else remember to contact more people, especially given how busy the lives of many are? Is it a bit nonconventional to develop an automation system for that? Maybe, but then again, people don't even bat an eye when putting down events in their Google Calendar or whatever.
"If those events mattered, you wouldn't need to be reminded of them." doesn't sound like a reasonable argument to my brain, even though it might to someone else's.
> It's incredibly sad that his social life, or rather: the illusion of a social life, is being dictated by a machine.
It's not sad (to me and probably others), please don't downplay someone putting in the effort to address what would otherwise be a shortcoming. Even though a bit odd, if it works for them, props to that person!
For further reading, have a look at Dunbar's number: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunbar%27s_number
Why wouldn't we expand past the limitations of our brains, if that is beneficial to both ourselves and others, especially when extending that reasoning to a professional setting?
"I should send a Christmas greeting to that cool boss i had years ago." probably doesn't occur to people that often, but is still a nice thing to do!
Personally, without that text file of mine (or reminders from Facebook or whatever for others), i wouldn't remember most birthdays (of friends or acquaintances) or other celebration days, which would be bad for everyone - to me, because of feeling bad after forgetting about those days, and for others because of not receiving greetings or gifts.
Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people
#164So he's treating people like assets, not friends, and these assets need to be checked on on a regular basis. If there were friends, he'd not need to be reminded of contacting them. He'd miss contacting them. So instead he needs a tool to remind him of that "friend" he needs to contact, because pretending to care is beneficial. One might some day need them. It's incredibly sad that his social life, or rather: the illu…
You're wrong.
Just because your brain is able to keep track of your friends and actively remember to interact with them, doesn't mean everyone is like you. People who are not neurotypical can have very close friends and family and not realize that 3 months have passed since they last called home or checked in with a friend. It's so easy to forget that other people's brains don't work exactly like ours; remembering that is an extremely important habit to exercise.
Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people
#165So he's treating people like assets, not friends, and these assets need to be checked on on a regular basis. If there were friends, he'd not need to be reminded of contacting them. He'd miss contacting them. So instead he needs a tool to remind him of that "friend" he needs to contact, because pretending to care is beneficial. One might some day need them. It's incredibly sad that his social life, or rather: the illu…
>>the illusion of a social life,
Yep, that summed it up for me in 6 words.
That would also apply to most social media as well.
Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people
#166I don't understand the problems with this approach and I might adapt it. I have a bunch of business connections, but refrain from contacting them because A) social anxiety and B) not thinking about them because I'm drowning in daily business and life is hectic af sometimes. It would actually be very helpful to get reminded once in a while to do some "relationships" stuff (which I'm not good at). Of course you should be very mindful about using this. If you think of a person, write them, if you don't want to write them because you feel like you don't add any value for them, don't. Sounds easy to me.
/e: I also wonder if this could be done with notion instead.
Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people
#167Earlier quoted context omitted.
That was my first thought, too. Then I thought, I should probably make more of an effort to stay in touch with people. Just not this way.
What could be a good alternative?
I'm going to set aside an hour every couple of weeks and do it manually. Any automation beyond that would feel a little fake or forced to me, personally.
Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people
#168So he's treating people like assets, not friends, and these assets need to be checked on on a regular basis. If there were friends, he'd not need to be reminded of contacting them. He'd miss contacting them. So instead he needs a tool to remind him of that "friend" he needs to contact, because pretending to care is beneficial. One might some day need them. It's incredibly sad that his social life, or rather: the illu…
This comment comes across as arrogant. It's a privilege to have the spare time and energy to act on all of your intentions. You could apply the same argument to keeping to-do lists, storing people's phone numbers in your phone book, using facebook or having a birthday calendar etc. Try having a child and see how close your ability to execute is with your principles!
Who is arrogant there? It's not an issue not to keep in touch every 3 weeks with someone. When you have a child, you just meet new people, parents of your child's friends for example. Relationships don't disappear, they pause, when you get back to them, it's like riding a bike, and if you don't get back to them, it's ok. It's what you do with your life which dictates who you meet, and who you have relationships with. Just live your life, you don't have to try and hack everything... If you really need a system like this, why not, but even I who suck at keeping in touch feel this is overkill and unnatural.
Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people
#169My main issue with keeping in touch with people is that texting someone you only vaguely know is kinda weird. You don't see the other person, you don't hear them, you can't know what's in their mind. Those exchanges often just hang in a weird void after a few texts and it's unsure when/how to continue from there.
On the other hand, calling someone you don't know well (even someone you do know!) feels even weirder and more invasive those days. I don't remember when I last called someone else than my close family (and very close friends upon first fixing a date/time for the call).
Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people
#170With my brother, we recently created a small app dedicated to this task: https://app.kipinto.ch
It's available on the web, on Android and on iOS, under the name Kipinto
This app is not specifically targeted to follow your friends, which happens quite naturally, but more to keep in touch with those persons that you consider important but with whom you have no "natural" occasion to interact: an old colleague or client for example.
You can see screenshots on the website https://kipinto.ch or on the app stores, but description is in French (even if the app is available in English)
An interesting observation we have done, is that by making the effort of taking notes of what you talked about, you remember better --even without reading the notes-- next time you see the person.
It can feel "disgusting", but in fact the effort of keeping contact with a person when it is not easy to do so should be seen as a positive sign of your intention to strengthen this relationship.