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A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

jakobgreenfeld.com

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Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#81

Post by Milner08 »

iovrthoughtthis wrote: post #16
MrYellowP wrote: post #5

So he's treating people like assets, not friends, and these assets need to be checked on on a regular basis. If there were friends, he'd not need to be reminded of contacting them. He'd miss contacting them. So instead he needs a tool to remind him of that "friend" he needs to contact, because pretending to care is beneficial. One might some day need them. It's incredibly sad that his social life, or rather: the illu…

"if you cared, you'd remember" glad you have this experience, i dont think all of us do. i care deeply but seem to forget people exist and that makes me sad and dislike myself. i wish i could just remember. id still have so many friends if i did.

You're not the only one bro. I am pretty sure its not just us two either. Dont feel too hard on your self, but use that energy towards staying in contact. Write a list of people to talk to, etc.

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#82

Post by otikik »

MrYellowP wrote: post #5

So he's treating people like assets, not friends, and these assets need to be checked on on a regular basis. If there were friends, he'd not need to be reminded of contacting them. He'd miss contacting them. So instead he needs a tool to remind him of that "friend" he needs to contact, because pretending to care is beneficial. One might some day need them. It's incredibly sad that his social life, or rather: the illu…

I see how it might look like that, but you are missing a critical point.

Everyone is different. What comes naturally to some doesn't come naturally to others.

For a lot of people (me included) keeping in touch with others doesn't come "naturally". We miss contact, and yet we sheldom establish it. There are many reasons for this: poor time management skills, low self-esteem, simple lack of practice, etc. In any case, it takes effort to break out of it.

Try to think about something that others do, and that you would like to do, but is difficult for you. Exercise, learn a new language, go to bed earlier, eat more healthily... whatever. This might give you a perspective of what it is like to have this "friction".

I see what this person is doing as a way to remove the friction and create a new habit. I have no doubt that when "they gets the thing rolling" with someone it will gradually easy to keep engaged without the machine "dictating" anything.

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#83

Post by dgb23 »

iovrthoughtthis wrote: post #16
MrYellowP wrote: post #5

So he's treating people like assets, not friends, and these assets need to be checked on on a regular basis. If there were friends, he'd not need to be reminded of contacting them. He'd miss contacting them. So instead he needs a tool to remind him of that "friend" he needs to contact, because pretending to care is beneficial. One might some day need them. It's incredibly sad that his social life, or rather: the illu…

"if you cared, you'd remember" glad you have this experience, i dont think all of us do. i care deeply but seem to forget people exist and that makes me sad and dislike myself. i wish i could just remember. id still have so many friends if i did.

Similarly I often think of my friends plus wider circle, but I‘m terribly unorganized except I make a conscious effort. That means writing things down, set reminders and so on. Love and organization of social life are orthogonal.

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#84

Post by gardaani »

Paul_S wrote: post #10

The next logical step is to have AI (GPT-3?) read the social posts of the contact and produce an email based on that and the last email. I hope the poor people on the other end of the author's networking scheme also have AI to read this and reply.

Silicon Valley had an episode about a similar idea and it didn't end well. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KEzvFiR_Dts

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#85

Post by prmoustache »

MrYellowP wrote: post #23
lvturner wrote: post #19

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm not sure I agree with your take here, it's rather uncharitable. I've lost touch with friends because I failed to do this sort of thing, it's easy to not keep up with people when there is no immediate driver or common interest (perhaps I'm atypical or neurodivergent) this is multiplied when you leave a country and no longer see some people on a regular basis. A system like this would ensure my forgetful nature doe…

How do you manage to lose touch with friends? Did you not miss them? If you did, why didn't you contact them? If you didn't, why do you care? One can not forget about friends, one can only stop caring.

> How do you manage to lose touch with friends? Did you not miss them?

Well yes you can not miss your friend for long period of time because they are far away and a large enough social circle keeps you so busy locally that your mind do not get the opportunity to feel it.

Anyone who has been living in different areas/countries lost track to some real friends. There is always a moment when you feel you might want to reach out to them again but sometimes it is too late.

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#86

Post by inter_netuser »

This should be SaaSified and sold for $5/15/25 per month, with AI-generated trivial empty messages.

Also, you could sign-up for the antipode service, for only $50 a month, which will reply on your behalf to such AI-generated postcards.

Soon, we'll just have chatbots congratulating each other on birthdays and such.

Isn't life wonderful? /s

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#87

Post by genezeta »

Derek Sivers seems kinda cool. I mean, I used to read him back in the times of CDBaby and he seemed like a nice person. Of course, I can only say he seems so because I haven't really met him. I don't know him.

Later, I would receive some of his emails and while they always did feel honest and thoughtful, I always understood we'd never even talked to each other. Sometimes I could think it was "just a commercial email" to present this book or whatever. Other times he would just sort of talk, about things in his life, "without anything to sell". But whatever the case it was clear I was "on a list".

----

I keep very few contacts. Probably too few. There's only a handful of people I talk to regularly. There is a woman I love quite dearly and we talk on the phone maybe once a week, sometimes less, sometimes more. Some other very close friends, less than I can count on my fingers, and again we talk occasionally, randomly. Maybe every few days, maybe once a month or less.

I have been postponing visiting them because of other personal circumstances, but we know that's just how things are at the moment and that we'll see each other "soon". Those friendships will not disappear even if, for whatever reason, we don't get a chance to talk or see each other for a couple of months or longer.

There's also a larger number of acquaintances. Friends, but less close. Ex-coworkers or ex-colleagues. There's this group that likes, say, comic books and I'm giving away my collection. So I might just throw an email in their direction because I remember they liked that. Someone may be interested. We'll meet and talk about whatever past and present we may have in common -or not-, maybe have a drink or a tea or maybe not, I'll give them the comics and then maybe I won't see them again for years. Maybe forever, because life is that way and you never know.

----

I've always felt Derek's approach to keeping in contact... interesting. I mean, if that works for him, then great. But I think that the system is a lot more for his benefit than for the benefit of the relationships themselves. And again, great for him. I mean it. But I don't feel the need for such a system for myself and I feel like not many people do.

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#88

Post by yreg »

MrYellowP wrote: post #5

So he's treating people like assets, not friends, and these assets need to be checked on on a regular basis. If there were friends, he'd not need to be reminded of contacting them. He'd miss contacting them. So instead he needs a tool to remind him of that "friend" he needs to contact, because pretending to care is beneficial. One might some day need them. It's incredibly sad that his social life, or rather: the illu…

I have lost several friends, even good friends by failing to contact each other. If you have many friends who move around the world a lot it's very easy to happen. I miss them very much.

I don't miss them as assets as you say. I believe that if I suddenly needed their help and asked for it, they would help me - and it goes the other way as well ofc. I'm not concerned by that.

But how do you start talking to someone after years and years of radio silence? Even more importantly, how do you make sure you won't slip out of touch again, other than using a system?

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#89

Post by jollybean »

MrYellowP wrote: post #5

So he's treating people like assets, not friends, and these assets need to be checked on on a regular basis. If there were friends, he'd not need to be reminded of contacting them. He'd miss contacting them. So instead he needs a tool to remind him of that "friend" he needs to contact, because pretending to care is beneficial. One might some day need them. It's incredibly sad that his social life, or rather: the illu…

This comment is far more cynical than his life.

My grandmother knew hundreds of people. Her little black book was massive. She had a system as well for reaching out.

Your emotions are good for regulating your relationships with 5-10 people, that's about it.

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#90

Post by hnlmorg »

MrYellowP wrote: post #5

So he's treating people like assets, not friends, and these assets need to be checked on on a regular basis. If there were friends, he'd not need to be reminded of contacting them. He'd miss contacting them. So instead he needs a tool to remind him of that "friend" he needs to contact, because pretending to care is beneficial. One might some day need them. It's incredibly sad that his social life, or rather: the illu…

I don't like this method much either but in fairness to the author, as you get older and our social circle inevitably widens with friends from old sports clubs, old neighbors, friends from school, colleague, university, old jobs, friends who are kids friends parents from school, et al, and thus it gets harder and harder to keep track of everyone given much effort it often takes to keep our head above water in our own busy lives. How many people say "we only catch up once every couple of years?" At least this method allows the author to keep those connections open for people he wants to stay in contact with. Even if it might seem a little impersonal from a superficial standpoint.
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