Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

news.ycombinator.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

821–830 of 890 posts

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#821

Post by wruza »

coldcode wrote: post #277
jimt222 wrote: post #150

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>problem is that by 35 you can't get by on novelty anymore because you've seen some version of everything there is to see I'm 68 and this is self-limiting B.S. In the last few years I have seen many things I never saw before, and never imagined. Ironically, when I was about 30, I was in a similar position and complained to my dad that there was nothing new under the sun, everything is just a rehash of what has come b…

I'm 64 and retired last year. I spent 4 decades programming, and everything changes all the time, and I always learned new things. I am still learning new things, and still writing code to support my generative art. Admittedly I was finally burned out of the grind of working as a programmer, but it took a whole lifetime. But to truly approach new things you have to be willing to let go of the old, even programming if…

spent 4 decades programming, and everything changes all the time

A half-aged kid here. This is the source of my anxiety, that all I’ve done and learned will age, slip through fingers and become forgotten. I wish our craft could stabilize on something, but it just doesn’t.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#824

Post by dubeye »

dr_faustus wrote: post #103

I was in similar spot with around 30. My advice: 1.) Start dating. It might be a drag and maybe embarrassing at times, but obviously not being a loser having saved up half a mil in 10 years, you will probably find someone. Don't buy into that Hollywood "soulmate" crap. More likely than not there is already someone you know or at max someone one graph edge away which will be a perfectly fine partner for the rest of yo…

It's true that kids remove a great deal of existential angst. The answer to whether that is due to the kids being rewarding, or just not having time or energy to think like that anymore, doesn't seem too important.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#825

Post by pw4001 »

alangibson wrote: post #79

This is almost exactly my life, shifted by a decade. The problem is that by 35 you can't get by on novelty anymore because you've seen some version of everything there is to see. The worst thing you can do is pine for the good old days. They aren't coming back. And they weren't that good anyway. Your best times are ahead if you can successfully adjust. What worked for me was putting down roots. I resisted it mightily…

I'm a month from 71 and I still get excited by stuff. Things I half expected aren't going to happen in my lifetime (fusion for example after working on JET years back) which is disappointing. And flying cars - thankfully seeing how ground based cars are handled. OTOH I came across the Internet in the early 70s and it's been amazing to watch it change. I still work in cyber security and that keeps giving challenges which I enjoy.

I've been married and been not married and had long term relationships. Built a couple of houses, moved from the UK to Australia, then across country. So much new to see there's never time to get bored. A decade ago I started to feel burn-out so I did an MSc (Mobile Biometric Authentication), worked at an ISP and learned about voice.

My current side project is a mix of NLP and semantic graphs, and I read a lot. The biggest change over the years is probably that I listen to less music now. I never really got into podcasts or audio books, but I still have 70s, 80s and 90s mixes on the server, but they're played less. Probably because I know the content too well.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#826

Post by joshspankit »

wruza wrote: post #821
coldcode wrote: post #277

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm 64 and retired last year. I spent 4 decades programming, and everything changes all the time, and I always learned new things. I am still learning new things, and still writing code to support my generative art. Admittedly I was finally burned out of the grind of working as a programmer, but it took a whole lifetime. But to truly approach new things you have to be willing to let go of the old, even programming if…

spent 4 decades programming, and everything changes all the time A half-aged kid here. This is the source of my anxiety, that all I’ve done and learned will age, slip through fingers and become forgotten. I wish our craft could stabilize on something, but it just doesn’t.

It does if you specialize in something that barely moves (AS/400, COBOL, others), but the experience of that career is almost the exact opposite of why many people get in to programming (lots of paperwork, consensus-based decisions, lots of waiting around trying to look busy, little new growth or exploration).

However, there is some light at the end of the “everything changes” tunnel: as you learn different frameworks and languages you’re gaining new perspectives on the deeper concepts, and for the most part those deeper concepts don’t change. In OOP the “gang of four” is practically as relevant now as it was then, for example.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#827

Post by gls2ro »

CRConrad wrote: post #808
k8sToGo wrote: post #466

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Which part?

Maybe didn't mean you, but the GP's "I have a hard time to see any relevance in a life without children anymore. This might be complete bs but certainly floats my boat." That sounds like it could make a kid think "So they didn't have me for my sake, just so they could find 'relevance' in their life".

I don't think there is ever someone who decided to make kids only for their own kid's sake because you don't know your child before they are brought to the world. Or least this is very hard to grasp.

Of course, adopting is a different wonderful way to have children where you can meet the child. But also in this situation: are you choosing one for their own sake or for you own sake?

PS: I have a kid and think a lot about the responsibility of parents to their children due to the fact that the parents decided to bring the children into the world.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#830

Post by hownottowrite »

jacquesm wrote: post #801
hownottowrite wrote: post #765

Earlier quoted context omitted.

One yes and the other no. It’s a rather complicated, self-inflicted situation. Cleaning up the mess would definitely raise the joy factor. I’ve been working for awhile to find a mutually acceptable solution but we are at an impasse. So, I can get a bigger bite of the apple but probably never get the whole thing.

Ok, then you should offer them to buy you out at the same valuation at which you would be happy to buy them out. And if they don't want to accept that you have to walk. Keep in mind that your loyalty to your customers and your employees can and will be used against you if you don't put your foot down and put some kind of ultimatum on the table. Then they can choose between having money in their pocket or a large chun…

Thanks! And yes, that's exactly what is happening.
Post reply on HN