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Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

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Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#781

Post by canyon289 »

hughrr wrote: post #132

I’m in my late 40s. Just gone through 15 years of absolute shit with an ex partner and financial chaos. Decided I’d fix it in 2019. Three important things to concentrate on: 1. Health. If that’s off, fix it first. Everything depends on health. Sort out your diet, physical fitness and health and mental health follows. I’m fitter than all my peers and both fitter and healthier than I was in my 20s. Can run a half marat…

+1 on health as well. I worked at SpaceX earlier in my career. Others wrote about how having just a career for meaning in your life can have downsides and I wholeheartedly agree. Let me tell you that job gave me meaning, novelty everyday, launching rockets into space, non work friends always asking questions.

The downside for me was I absolutely neglected my health because work was more meaningful than basically anything else, relationships, fitness, family. Focusing on fitness, when I left the company I realized how terrible my health situation was. Lots of late nights, lunch at my desk, and lack of physical activity took a huge toll.

Getting to a healthier state fixed all the usual stuff, but also unexpectedly gave me mental happiness and has made me a better data scientist as well. I wrote a blog post detailing out why desk nerds should very much consider taking on healthy habits, and it brings me so much joy to see others here have seen similar results as well.

https://ravinkumar.com/WhyFitness.html

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#782

Post by dragonsky67 »

matwood wrote: post #228
Aeolun wrote: post #168

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You don’t feel the amount of new things you see slows down considerably as you grow older? It’s not that you can’t find novel things any more if you go looking for them, but most everyday things hold no more (or less) excitement. I notice this especially much with my 3 year old son, for whom everything is fascinating. He’ll find out that sticking a bowl upside down in the water and turning it face up will make a lot…

> You don’t feel the amount of new things you see slows down considerably as you grow older? At 44 I have the opposite problem. The more I learn, the more I realize I don't know. When I was younger I had the ego of a young person and thought I was always on the cusp of knowing it all. As I got older I realized I was simply unaware. It's a bit cliché, but I started approaching everything, even things I 'knew' with a b…

54, this is my life.

There is so much out there to know and experience and it makes me sad to realise that there is no way that I'm going to be able to do everything.

I've a history of every couple of years diving deep into an interest. Woodwork was a thing for a few years, then wood turning. Gardening has come and gone a few times.

We spend a lot of time travelling and seeing new areas, slowly in a caravan, we never get to see it all.

Recently I've started running a Dungeons and Dragons game for a couple of my kids and their friends, there can be a lot more depth to that than you may think.

I've got to agree with you that you start to see a lot more things that you are familiar with. This is not really surprising if you are staying in the same environment.

Cycles of initiatives at work seem to come back every 5 or 6 years and they always ignore the same problems... sigh. There is truth in the idea that history repeats and the more things change the more they stay the same.

My suggestion for dealing with the feeling that nothing is new is much the same as everybody. If your world is getting boring and feels like everything is just on repeat, just change your world. Even if that means you are stepping into the unknown or you are taking risks, you are still going to change your experience.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#783

Post by dragonsky67 »

sidlls wrote: post #377
matwood wrote: post #228

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> You don’t feel the amount of new things you see slows down considerably as you grow older? At 44 I have the opposite problem. The more I learn, the more I realize I don't know. When I was younger I had the ego of a young person and thought I was always on the cusp of knowing it all. As I got older I realized I was simply unaware. It's a bit cliché, but I started approaching everything, even things I 'knew' with a b…

It's easy to see familiar patterns even in "new" things, though: especially those things that typically bind social networks (primarily shared recreational experiences). There are only so many story tropes to fill books and movies with, shared exercise experiences all blend, card games, board games, etc.--you name it, and odds are that the chance one has "seen it before" increases with age. So while something can be…

I think that you are describing the coming of Wisdom... Seeing how things in many different domains fit the same patterns. This does not have to be a negative thing. If you see something new that fits a known pattern, then look closer and see how it's different or how it modifies the pattern to fit it's unique state.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#784

Post by tomhoward »

owly wrote: post #230

LOL. Getting old is 35. ONLY $500K in savings at 35. Such a sad story. So sorry for you, as most people are lucky to have saved $50K at 35 or even 55! Money has no meaning if you are feeling lost with $500K. Seriously though, my advice would be stop comparing yourself to others. Older or younger, married or single, successful or not, fit or fat. Know thyself. Go on a meditation retreat. You have nothing to lose and n…

Nowhere does this person say that they feel poor. If anything they are acknowledging they are well off, but wondering why they feel lost and unfulfilled in spite of their material prosperity. It's not exactly an unknown notion, that people can feel unhappy despite being financially and materially well-off.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#785

Post by unobatbayar »

dsnr wrote: post #711
xedrac wrote: post #595

Earlier quoted context omitted.

And if that doesn't work, try doing it with a single gear heavy steel bike.

Without brakes.

Actually, I've unwillingly cycled without brakes once; My brakes broke mid-journey. Had to bump into something to stop, multiple times.

Not recommended.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#787

Post by ycombinete »

stonewashed wrote: post #256
dr_faustus wrote: post #103

I was in similar spot with around 30. My advice: 1.) Start dating. It might be a drag and maybe embarrassing at times, but obviously not being a loser having saved up half a mil in 10 years, you will probably find someone. Don't buy into that Hollywood "soulmate" crap. More likely than not there is already someone you know or at max someone one graph edge away which will be a perfectly fine partner for the rest of yo…

> I have a hard time to see any relevance in a life without children anymore So do I. Unfortunately I don't have any and most likely never will (the wife can't). Combined with an unfulfilling job, this makes most days quite pointless and hard to bear. Personally I try to distract myself, not think too much about these things and just wait for it all to be over.

I know this is a weird suggestion, and doesn't cover the missing fulfillment of raising kids. If having progeny is a concern of yours perhaps sperm donation might be something to think about. You can donate with the stipulation that any resultant children will be allowed to look you up if they wish later in life.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#788

Post by CRConrad »

drran wrote: post #540
CorrectHorseBat wrote: post #439

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> with front and rear RockShox or better If you're only biking on the road I wouldn't get that, only slows you down. >(I use no helmet, because I'm trained to fall properly, but I recommend to wear helmet until you fall at least 10 times.). Not sure if you're serious...

> If you're only biking on the road I wouldn't get that, only slows you down. They will make you feel like you are moving slower, but my bicycle computer shows that I move faster. Moreover, wheels follows ground more precisely, which reduces risk of losing contact with ground. I'm crossing road bumps at full speed, while sitting and continuing pedaling. > Not sure if you're serious... I'm serious for both recommendin…

Funny how professional competition cyclists probably have even more experience than you... And all wear helmets.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#789

Post by newshorts »

scyzoryk_xyz wrote: post #461
urban_strike wrote: post #225

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I have a hard time to see any relevance in a life without children anymore. In my view, having kids is a great way to take off the existential pressure of life being meaningless, by just having a default "do it for them" answer to every single question or hardship in life. And what then will give your child's life such a straightforward meaning? Well, just have kids of their own I guess, and their kids the same, al…

I've noticed that everyone with kids tends to do two things: one is that they get along with other people who've had kids and they use that to create instant bonds of mutual understanding. And the other is that they take opportunities to convince those without kids to get kids. While I don't take offense, I do feel that there is usually an implication in there that someone without kids is somehow less trustworthy or…

I have two kids and I’ll be the first to tell people who ask that it’s not for everyone. First, maybe with climate change none of us should. Second, you have to be ready to stick with things even when you don’t think you can, like literally do not see a way through. It will break you.

On the flip side you will learn more about what you are capable of and you will be responsible for this little magical person who will make the world and time freeze just for a moment when they give you a hug and a kiss.

Is it worth it? That’s the wrong question…

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