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Ask HN: What is wrong with dating in 2022?

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Re: Ask HN: What is wrong with dating in 2022?

#31

Post by na85 »

PaulHoule wrote: post #3

It’s a good question. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YqldQzGV-lY One take is that online dating is going to be bad for most people (particularly men) because with a large number of matches going by people (particularly women) are going to make a rough cut on physical attractiveness. Almost all of the men participating in online dating are interested in hooking up or a longer term relationship but a lot of young wome…

>Almost all of the men participating in online dating are interested in hooking up or a longer term relationship but a lot of young women sign on just to get an ego boost from getting a lot of matches, then they ghost them all.

Got any data to back up this assertion?

Re: Ask HN: What is wrong with dating in 2022?

#32

Post by santa_boy »

There is nothing wrong with the situation, even if it doesn't sound good.

Tech in dating should increase participation, access, reduce friction and assist with creativity and social engagement.

All of these are being worked upon and likely a lot of opportunity exists for more creative ideas (which may or may-not be "vc type" scale)

Re: Ask HN: What is wrong with dating in 2022?

#33

Post by POiNTx »

panda2009 wrote: post #26

TL/DR: bring back the old OKCupid features. There’s a lot of pent-up demand for it. I’m surprised none of the existing comments contrast the unproductive on-line dating of today with the very successful OKCupid model of the mid 2000s to the mid 2010s. Practically everyone I know ( myself, siblings, and more college friends than I can count on one hand) met their spouse on OKCupid during this time period. The old OKCu…

Exactly. There's a really good article about the problem by the founder of OKCupid from 2010. This is not a human problem, it IS a tech problem that can be solved. I couldn't find the original but here's a copy:

https://www.gwern.net/docs/psychology/okcupid/whyyoushouldne...

Re: Ask HN: What is wrong with dating in 2022?

#34

Post by astrange »

PaulHoule wrote: post #19
yuppie_scum wrote: post #8

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You really think men are somehow victimized on online dating sites? you really think these women owe you a date?

For men overall: 20% of the guys get 80% of the matches. If you are below the median you get basically zero. That's very good for the top 20% but below some cutoff it is not worth participating. If you call that 'victimization' than it is. So far as 'me' I can say in person there is a good chance I can give somebody I meet (e.g. regardless of sex, gender, sexual orientation, whether or not I am interested in them sex…

You only need one good one. (well, that depends if you're dating to increase your score or not)

IIRC from that OKCupid research, women only rated 20% of men as attractive, but then their attractiveness rating didn't actually affect who they responded to, so it didn't really matter.

Also, women know better than men that attractiveness is a thing you do not a thing you are.

Re: Ask HN: What is wrong with dating in 2022?

#35

Post by [deleted] »

dane-pgp wrote: post #24

The observation about dating apps that needs to keep being reiterated is that their business interest is not to quickly find you someone you will spend the rest of your life with, because then you'll stop visiting the site and paying them money. Some governments have tried to solve this by offering their own dating apps for their citizens, but another approach would be a community-run dating system, built on the Fedi…

[deleted]

Re: Ask HN: What is wrong with dating in 2022?

#36

Post by PaulHoule »

Minor49er wrote: post #12

What are you expecting "tech" to do to stop women from ghosting you or leaving the date? Entrap them in a pod or something?

Leaving the date is fair.

On the other hand if somebody has gotten 200 matches it's also fair to say they need to see somebody in order to keep getting matches and probably possible to enforce that.

Re: Ask HN: What is wrong with dating in 2022?

#37

Post by jsharf »

panda2009 wrote: post #26

TL/DR: bring back the old OKCupid features. There’s a lot of pent-up demand for it. I’m surprised none of the existing comments contrast the unproductive on-line dating of today with the very successful OKCupid model of the mid 2000s to the mid 2010s. Practically everyone I know ( myself, siblings, and more college friends than I can count on one hand) met their spouse on OKCupid during this time period. The old OKCu…

While I agree with this sentiment, there was a lot of harassment and toxicity with the old version. It made it too easy to find someone's profile if you knew them in real life. This reminds me of the "old facebook" too, which I miss, but stalking was a problem and it's probably for the best that things changed.

Re: Ask HN: What is wrong with dating in 2022?

#40

Post by astrange »

panda2009 wrote: post #26

TL/DR: bring back the old OKCupid features. There’s a lot of pent-up demand for it. I’m surprised none of the existing comments contrast the unproductive on-line dating of today with the very successful OKCupid model of the mid 2000s to the mid 2010s. Practically everyone I know ( myself, siblings, and more college friends than I can count on one hand) met their spouse on OKCupid during this time period. The old OKCu…

My memory of okcupid was all the features gave people anxiety, i.e. the heavy users spent all their time on personality quizzes not going out. I also matched 100% with someone I knew who wasn't my type.

I think a better feature would've been teaching people how to take better selfies with 2000s cameras.

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