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Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

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Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#731

Post by jart »

TigeriusKirk wrote: post #681
jart wrote: post #673

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That's really impressive. What's the code? Something like that sounds like it could be a really inspirational success story.

It's not that inspirational in reality. I worked for a company that produced software for banks converting their systems over to Windows in the 90s. The resulting packages are still being sold to new financial institutions by the company that bought the company that bought the company that bought the company I worked for at the time. Heh. One of my old coworkers there still makes some decent money as a consultant sup…

I think that's inspirational. What was it, written in something like COBOL? I've had my codebases demolished by things like Express changing its API enough times that you might say I've got a little COBOL envy. Major respect to anything that's stood the test of time and continues to serve a useful purpose after all these years.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#732

Post by vanusa »

I'm just going to comment in this aspect:

Now I feel too old to go to festivals, bars and clubs and make new friends that way.

Don't know where you live, but in NYC and certain other cities the the bars and clubs (depending which ones you go to) are packed with geezers. Really, it seems like like you've bought into some image of "youth" which holds that only under-30 types get to do "fun" things. But which just isn't ... grounded in reality.

If you genuinely enjoy music and the vibe at these places (again, depends which ones you go to) -- then there is absolutely no age limit, expressed or implied. And anything who thinks there is, is well... square beyond square.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#733

Post by Ntrails »

SantalBlush wrote: post #542
ridiculous_leke wrote: post #525

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Smoking is also terrible for your social life, unless you only prefer the company of smokers. Most of my childhood friends became weed/cigarette addicts. For my own well-being, I had to stop being in contact with them.

This was not my experience when I used to smoke. Stepping out for a cigarette was the easiest way to strike up a chat with a complete stranger. The best conversations I've ever had were probably done while smoking, with other smokers. People who have never smoked just won't get it. There is no ice breaker in the world like a cigarette. My social life became harder once I quit, but my body thanks me for it.

As a non smoker, I still used to love chilling outside chatting to smokers. It would be quiet, relaxed, and everyone was open to the idea of just chatting whilst enjoying their cigarette.

The idea of standing still for 5 minutes and talking to whoever happens to be around seems farfetched outside of that social norm

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#734

Post by Viliam1234 »

It's all relative. 35 is older than many people, but also younger than many people.

You have way more money than most people. If you move to a place that is not expensive, and if you invest the money well, you may never need to work again. That means, you get extra 8 hours a day (more if you include the commute). That means, if you compare yourself with an average 20 years old, both of you will have the same amount of free time between now and the moment each of you becomes 50.

For most people, the greatest professional achievement will be to pay their bills. Congratulations, you have already completed this game!

So now I would suggest focusing full-time on your personal and social life. Find a hobby that is neither about making money nor about consuming things (that includes travelling). With that hobby, you may find a community. With the community, you may find relationships. (Much better way of meeting people than "festivals, bars and clubs". Bars are for drunks; drunks are sad.)

People in their 20s have the advantage that the school provides a social environment for them. Past that age, you need to actively seek the company of people; it will not happen on its own. There are probably many activities happening all around you; you just don't pay attention to them. If you see something happening in your neighborhood, go there. You may find recommendations on Facebook. Try to visit some social activity at least three times a week. Especially things that you never tried before. Find a list of local non-profit organizations, call them and ask if you can help them in any way; that way you can enter lots of new bubbles.

> I feel like I've seen most things before, and it's all just different iterations of the same.

There is a possibility that although you have experienced many countries and jobs, you were doing similar things everywhere. Specifically, making money and partying; because I don't see much else mentioned in your text. What is conspicuously missing there: hobbies (other than technology), values, spirituality, prosocial behavior, art... You might want to try experimenting a bit with these and see what happens.

> I feel like my time for everything is running out.

This was always the case, you just noticed it now. Hopefully, you still have lots of time left.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#737

Post by muzani »

Make peace with who you are today, and the paths you didn't take. It's the hand you've been dealt by your older self.

The more you spend wanting something, the more energy you drain. The people who age well often limit their focus to a few things. You'll also find that there's a lot of things and experiences that money doesn't buy; it's often best to figure out what experiences matter most to you.

One trick is to learn what death means to you and work backwards from there. Do you believe in an afterlife deep down inside? Do you want to die on a battlefield? Do you care about who comes to your funeral? On your death bed, what are the things you would regret not accomplishing?

Anyway, if you want to make new friends, my email is on my profile. I'm about the same age, similar level of ambition.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#738

Post by Seanambers »

altcognito wrote: post #698
bredren wrote: post #534

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> His best physical years are behind him. They could be. Or it could depend on OP. Tom Brady has more Super Bowl Trophies and MVP selections from __after__ he was 37. There are plenty of athletic sports where being young does not offer easy superiority.

So, I really did bounce back and forth on putting a qualifying "his best days are likely behind him". In an absolute sense, you will never have as many fitness "opportunity" as you did when you were 16-35. Speaking as an older dude who exercises a lot: Enjoy working out way, way harder than you should at a young age and getting away with it because your body is like a superhero with its recovery rate. I didn't mean a…

Measured in absolute peak performance wise, yeah you're right. He will never be an olympian. However most people don't have the opportunity to "discover" their physical ability at 15 nor at 25. So in other words : For most - if they start a regular exercise regime at 40 they will end up at the best shape of their lives.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#739

Post by defterGoose »

kumquats wrote: post #712
dr_faustus wrote: post #103

I was in similar spot with around 30. My advice: 1.) Start dating. It might be a drag and maybe embarrassing at times, but obviously not being a loser having saved up half a mil in 10 years, you will probably find someone. Don't buy into that Hollywood "soulmate" crap. More likely than not there is already someone you know or at max someone one graph edge away which will be a perfectly fine partner for the rest of yo…

what does one graph edge away mean?

One degree of separation (socially). The implication being that if OP doesn't know someone who would fit as a partner, someone (s)he knows does.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#740

Post by stutsmansoft »

coldcode wrote: post #277
jimt222 wrote: post #150

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>problem is that by 35 you can't get by on novelty anymore because you've seen some version of everything there is to see I'm 68 and this is self-limiting B.S. In the last few years I have seen many things I never saw before, and never imagined. Ironically, when I was about 30, I was in a similar position and complained to my dad that there was nothing new under the sun, everything is just a rehash of what has come b…

I'm 64 and retired last year. I spent 4 decades programming, and everything changes all the time, and I always learned new things. I am still learning new things, and still writing code to support my generative art. Admittedly I was finally burned out of the grind of working as a programmer, but it took a whole lifetime. But to truly approach new things you have to be willing to let go of the old, even programming if…

I'm just over 50 and I'm finding it harder to stay in programming.

Most companies want to push me upward into management (which I don't want to do) - and I feel like I'm aging out of eligibility for most development jobs.

How did you manage to stick with it? I still love it.

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