If you think you're old at 35 you may have other issues going on. I'm in my 40s. Eat right, exercise, study, and with just a little gene luck you'll be young for decades to come.
Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?
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Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?
#582Reminds me of https://www.newyorker.com/humor/daily-shouts/i-thought-i-wou...
My artistic motto is “Always write five hundred words before noon.” My life motto is “Write one best-seller before age thirty-five.” Today I’ve written one word, a text message to Sanjay that just says, “Hey!”—but I didn’t finish it, just like I didn’t finish my Ph.D. in political science or my engagement to Jennifer in my late twenties.
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?
#583Maybe try journaling to help put things in perspective. You have to find what works for you. Good luck!
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?
#584Civilization is a machine, and you are just a part in that machine that wears out after about 20-30 years, then you either go into management or some other role that isn't physically productive.
Capitalism loves consumption, and the young consume/can be sold to, so civilization is broadly structured around that.
Sort of like the "hot young girl" who loses her appeal rapidly after age 30, this gradual rug-pulling is unnerving. The ground rules shift under your feet. Things you thought were fact, actually were circumstances of the time and place.
All of a sudden, you start understanding your parents, older people, and life situations that were once abstract and far away, and now are more concrete. The progressive commercials are great little parodies of this.
At the same time, you have lived a few pop culture cycles. You start to see the treadmill for what it is rather than all these amazing experiences and things you didn't know about when you were young.
Observations:
1) 35 is not too late to get in good shape. Not the "I walk a couple miles" activity that puts you in the upper quartile of our population. I mean in ACTUAL good shape like being able to run a marathon and bench press your weight. If you do this, your "functional age" will be vastly suppressed throughout the next 25-40 years and the range of options available to you is a lot greater. Be careful though of overtraining in your 30s. Don't listen to dumb 20 year olds whose muscle and ligaments are at the height of their plasticity and durability.
2) you're probably a dude. You can start a family in the next 15 years, your situation is not as dire as a 35 year old woman. But you should get on it.
3) basically you're probably done with the gambling phase of your career. Sure you can keep chasing startups, but really you should have skills and just settle into more regular and predictable income.
4) 500k is a decent chunk, but it ain't retirement-grade. You should start concentrating on growing that rather than moonshooting for another million. I would disagree with "go traveling". That's expensive in cost, time, and missed income. Plus, you are ancient in terms of silicon valley, and getting old in IT in other markets. If you don't want to go into management, you'll need to maximize your sweet spot of your career in terms of reliable income.
Or... you don't? Maybe you need to chuck the entire career thing, put 400k into funds that you don't touch for 20 years and go live an entirely different life and lifestyle? Chuck all the financial shit I mentioned.
But get in good shape. Seriously, that makes SUCH a huge difference now that I'm in the late 40s-50s phase of my life. What is the fountain of youth? Exercise. Exercise often has built-in socializing as well, and makes you better looking, which has built-in social effects as well.
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?
#585I'm turning 35 at the end of this year and reading through your post I feel like you need human connection. You're really not in a bad spot, though. A lot of people would kill to have the amount of savings you have, at that age.
I haven't achieved much professionally. I have about 500k in savings as well and have just worked corporate jobs. However, I met my wife when I was 23, we got married when I was 30, and I have two young children. To me, it makes it all worth it. And, it's not too late at 35. There are so many people that have put off personal life at the gain of their professional life, that you're bound to find someone in a very similar situation.
That said, you might need to be less picky at this point and realize that you're looking for someone for life. Keep that in mind as you start dating.
> Now I feel too old to go to festivals, bars and clubs and make new friends that way.
I couldn't imagine doing this. It sounds absolutely terrible. I don't try to make friends anymore because I have enough going on just having a family. I also have zero desire to ever enter a club. Bar? Sure, I'll go with my wife sometimes and it's fun, as long as it's quiet. Staying out until 4am partying? That part of my life is in the past and I'm grateful for it. I look back at it and feel like I was probably searching for purpose and drowning it out with alcohol and drugs when I couldn't find it.
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?
#586I think it's all a sign that you look for happiness at a wrong place (for you). I'd suggest to look at other aspects of life, in light of what makes people happy, what makes their time feel worthwhile. For example, you haven't listed your social connections at all, aside from being single. If this reflects your current priorities, I'd suggest to look for people who make you feel like you belong. Coincidentally this i…
That is my favorite Bojack Horseman episode for so many reasons.
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?
#587Earlier quoted context omitted.
Plus one in health and physical fitness. Buying a bicycle and using it daily was probably the best investment I ever made in myself. Also, I can't believe that I smoked those filthy cigarretes for so long, but how good is that I stopped this habit. About material realizations please remind that the average successful enterpreneur age is about 45. I only started being able to save serious, retirement-style money when…
But cycling doesn't cut it, right? Especially when you do it daily, you build some kind of immunity. Can't even sweat from cycling. Of course, it depends on duration and probably weather. I guess winter affected my experience. Running is way better for me.
Can’t sweat from cycling? Find a hill
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?
#588For me, I developed strong feelings for my brother, mom, and sister and pursuing a relationship with each one of them has given me purpose. I was the same as you, but I realized I craved human interaction above all. It's really hard to just exist as a single person with acquaintances unless you're one of the rare people that are wired that way.
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?
#589Earlier quoted context omitted.
>problem is that by 35 you can't get by on novelty anymore because you've seen some version of everything there is to see I'm 68 and this is self-limiting B.S. In the last few years I have seen many things I never saw before, and never imagined. Ironically, when I was about 30, I was in a similar position and complained to my dad that there was nothing new under the sun, everything is just a rehash of what has come b…
I agree, a curious mind never runs out of interesting things to see or do. How do we help the original poster becoming more curious and motivated?
When you're burned out, it's hard to simply be curious. And burnout is demotivating.
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?
#590Earlier quoted context omitted.
Nah, in all fairness I'm perfectly content in that aspect-no such expectations or desires. I have plenty of bad examples - observations and personal experiences: in a nutshell, my life is similar to an early 2000's hypercar - looks great on the outside and desirable from afar, but in reality impractical, useless in the real world uncomfortable and deadly in most scenarios. My bad qualities include extreme nihilism, c…
Relationships are not transactional like that, you don't have to have a USP to get a romantic partner. You are probably selling yourself short and there are a lot of people who could love you (and that you could love).
Perhaps, whether it's been personal experience or simply as an external observer(and as much as friends and family would hate me for saying this), relationships have been nothing but transactional and manifestations of some form of co-dependency.
> You are probably selling yourself short and there are a lot of people who could love you (and that you could love).
Maybe, maybe not, not caring appears to take considerably less effort.