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Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

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Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#501

Post by alangibson »

j4yav wrote: post #261
alangibson wrote: post #79

This is almost exactly my life, shifted by a decade. The problem is that by 35 you can't get by on novelty anymore because you've seen some version of everything there is to see. The worst thing you can do is pine for the good old days. They aren't coming back. And they weren't that good anyway. Your best times are ahead if you can successfully adjust. What worked for me was putting down roots. I resisted it mightily…

If you’re out of novelty in the world by 35 I think that’s more on you than the world. There’s really so much out there - complexity in every direction and at every focal length. If you want to center your life around novelty-seeking you can do it until well past the point where your body will fail you. Travel and education are good ways to find new horizons, but they are everywhere around you all the time. Seriously…

> If you’re out of novelty in the world by 35 I think that’s more on you than the world

It's a good thing I didn't say that then. I said you experience diminishing returns due to having already experienced similar (but not the same!) things. The more you experience, the more you recognize what you've already experienced in new experiences. This seems like a totally unavoidable consequence of living for anyone that doesn't have a long term memory disorder or an interdimensional portal gun.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#502

Post by mikebelanger »

elzbardico wrote: post #165
hughrr wrote: post #132

I’m in my late 40s. Just gone through 15 years of absolute shit with an ex partner and financial chaos. Decided I’d fix it in 2019. Three important things to concentrate on: 1. Health. If that’s off, fix it first. Everything depends on health. Sort out your diet, physical fitness and health and mental health follows. I’m fitter than all my peers and both fitter and healthier than I was in my 20s. Can run a half marat…

Plus one in health and physical fitness. Buying a bicycle and using it daily was probably the best investment I ever made in myself. Also, I can't believe that I smoked those filthy cigarretes for so long, but how good is that I stopped this habit. About material realizations please remind that the average successful enterpreneur age is about 45. I only started being able to save serious, retirement-style money when…

There should be a shorthand phrase for "I agree with all parent nodes of this". Like a pseudo OOP-type syntax.

Buying a bike and riding it regularly was my single best investment in terms of physical and mental health. A close second would be resistance training equipment, but this depends on what kind of resistance training you decide to do.

I'd also say that part of the OP's issues stem from an expectation that one should always be passionate or excited about their work. Especially in tech, there's this weird idea that every job someone holds is something that resonates with them personally.

I think this expectation is strange and unreasonable. I think it's perfectly ok to view your job as "just a job". But if you truly want to pursue a job that resonates with you, you have a significant financial buffer to facilitate a career-change. As someone who didn't shift into programming until their mid-30s, I think mid-30s career changes are perfectly fine, and almost expected in a turbulent economy.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#504

Post by teaker »

I'm 36 and in a similar boat. Without going into my story, I'll tell you that one thing that has been helpful for me is "giving back."

For instance, like you, I used to enjoy music festivals (still do, but differently now). Remember how cool your first festival was? How can you contribute to the experience that the first-time 20-something festival goers have now? Build a cool piece of LED art? Volunteer? Start on a project. Get involved.

The above is just one example of the many ways I've found to give back in various areas of my life. It is fun, rewarding, and opens doors to new opportunities and people.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#505

Post by karaterobot »

Many people use GPS, but if you are more comfortable using paper maps, you can do that too. You don't have to carry the full map (fold it, unfold it...), you can just photocopy or even cut out the section of the map relevant to where you're traveling. Of course, you can always just stop and ask a local, and they'll give you directions. People are generally very helpful.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#506

Post by bitxbitxbitcoin »

altdataseller wrote: post #303
owly wrote: post #230

LOL. Getting old is 35. ONLY $500K in savings at 35. Such a sad story. So sorry for you, as most people are lucky to have saved $50K at 35 or even 55! Money has no meaning if you are feeling lost with $500K. Seriously though, my advice would be stop comparing yourself to others. Older or younger, married or single, successful or not, fit or fat. Know thyself. Go on a meditation retreat. You have nothing to lose and n…

I don’t think you need to underplay OP issues. While he may be better off financially than lots of people, feeling lost with little passion for life is still not a good situation, and he deserves to feel the way he does.

Is deserves the right word? I’d say he is entitled to feel that way - not that he deserves it since that implies causality and almost seems like victim blaming.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#507

Post by FpUser »

joconde wrote: post #346
FpUser wrote: post #322

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I am 60 but very active and fit. Can't overstate the importance of it. It makes me feel young and I am constantly working on new projects, have lots of energy and general positive outlook. Clients do not believe my age when they see me. They think I am 40. Meanwhile at one point (year 2000) I was total physical and mental wreck after working as a lead architect for a company. Went on my own since then. What I do - My…

> My daily exercise routine is - 2 hour cardio Do you have a full-time job? That would take most of my evenings if I decided to do it.

Bike ride, hike or swim in the evening - I do not even consider it exercise. For me it is fun. Often doing it with my friends.

As for job - I am on my own and develop products for clients and for my own company.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#509

Post by Xenoamorphous »

drzaiusapelord wrote: post #317
owly wrote: post #230

LOL. Getting old is 35. ONLY $500K in savings at 35. Such a sad story. So sorry for you, as most people are lucky to have saved $50K at 35 or even 55! Money has no meaning if you are feeling lost with $500K. Seriously though, my advice would be stop comparing yourself to others. Older or younger, married or single, successful or not, fit or fat. Know thyself. Go on a meditation retreat. You have nothing to lose and n…

Yep this. The average rate of return is 10% so this is someone who can make $50k a year just off this money alone. The real median wage in the USA for workers who worked full time in 2020 was $56k. This person has enough money to nearly replicate the financial success of your average American via a do-nothing secondary income. Your average American retires with only $200k saved up by age 65 as well. $500k is a lot of…

> If you are not dying to have kids then you shouldn't not have kids. There is a lot of toxic advice here about having children to "fix" things. Children should not be born as a way to fix yourself. It is 100% valid to not want children. I say this as a parent. Its a grueling and hard life compared to not having children, and if you have difficulty in life and don't even want kids, do not have them. They will not magically suddenly fulfill you or make your life easier. In fact, in many ways they will make things much harder for you in literally every avenue in your life. The world does not need more unwanted children or children used a marriage or personal emotional fixers.

So much this. I’m horrified at the number of replies here touting kids as some magical fix for all problems. I became a dad in December after being in the fence for a few years preceded by several years of “no way I’m going to have kids”.

It’s pretty darn tough. My quality of life has declined very substantially, we’re mostly at home and go for a walk in the morning and another afternoon in a very small radius and in constant fear the baby might get fussy. We don’t go to watch a movie, or restaurant or to a bar. I’ve stopped drinking alcohol (not that I was getting drunk before, just tipsy) as I have a baby to hold and move around the house. Even taking a shit requires some planning. I work remotely and switched to part time (4 hours per day) as I can’t fathom placing all the burden on the mother (on top of breastfeeding which only she can do and it’s also very tough) and hiring a nanny in covid times is not an option, but it’s still hard.

And the constant worry if the baby is ok, are those noises during sleep normal? Is she regurgitating too much? What are those twitches, is she having spasms? Is she developing well physically and neurologically?

And I think I’m blessed with a “good” baby that sleeps quite well at night, waking only 2-3 times for feeding and falling asleep again shortly after.

I recognize some of these issues are probably due to being a first time dad and/or my personality, and also that hopefully it gets easier over time. By the way none of this means I regret it, but still: OP is in no way in the right mindset to have kids right now.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#510

Post by wnolens »

ja27 wrote: post #371
mikewarot wrote: post #41

I'm 58. Everything IS an different iteration of the same thing. Generally, if intelligent adults are involved, there are likely to be some useful new things in the new iteration, small improvements. On rare occasion, there are massive changes that only become apparent later. (Like when transistors first appeared, they wore out, like tubes, but slower... germanium was replaced by silicon, and lifetimes tended towards…

I co-founded a makerspace. Maybe 70% of our membership are 30-50 y/o men that work in some form of IT (and other desk jobs). The opportunity to make something physical brings them life. It's a real bonus if it's something they can carry around and show others. 1-2-3 blocks, welded cubes, wood lathed pen bodies, 3d printed gadgets, etc.

Bless you.

A makerspace let me use a sewing machine for a few bucks to fix a shirt. Began a multi-year foray and let me express myself more truly than my job ever could.

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