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Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

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Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#431

Post by erwincoumans »

jimt222 wrote: post #150
alangibson wrote: post #79

This is almost exactly my life, shifted by a decade. The problem is that by 35 you can't get by on novelty anymore because you've seen some version of everything there is to see. The worst thing you can do is pine for the good old days. They aren't coming back. And they weren't that good anyway. Your best times are ahead if you can successfully adjust. What worked for me was putting down roots. I resisted it mightily…

>problem is that by 35 you can't get by on novelty anymore because you've seen some version of everything there is to see I'm 68 and this is self-limiting B.S. In the last few years I have seen many things I never saw before, and never imagined. Ironically, when I was about 30, I was in a similar position and complained to my dad that there was nothing new under the sun, everything is just a rehash of what has come b…

I agree, a curious mind never runs out of interesting things to see or do. How do we help the original poster becoming more curious and motivated?

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#432

Post by goodpoint »

readingnews wrote: post #196

I do not mean to tear down OP, but you are 35 and have $500k in savings. You lived in other countries, had startups and worked at a big company. You are not lost, you are one of the 1%. It sounds like you did a lot and now "normal" life that the rest of have to go through seems sucky. It is. I have years of experience, not 1/5th your savings, have not traveled and now I am actually too old for "big company" to hire m…

> You are not lost, you are one of the 1%.

Please don't dismiss OP so quickly. One person can very well be lost *because* they are in the 1%.

Things like starting a career and putting your abilities to test can be a huge motivator. Once you reach such goals live can suddenly turn meaningless for many people.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#434

Post by prometheon1 »

altdataseller wrote: post #303
owly wrote: post #230

LOL. Getting old is 35. ONLY $500K in savings at 35. Such a sad story. So sorry for you, as most people are lucky to have saved $50K at 35 or even 55! Money has no meaning if you are feeling lost with $500K. Seriously though, my advice would be stop comparing yourself to others. Older or younger, married or single, successful or not, fit or fat. Know thyself. Go on a meditation retreat. You have nothing to lose and n…

I don’t think you need to underplay OP issues. While he may be better off financially than lots of people, feeling lost with little passion for life is still not a good situation, and he deserves to feel the way he does.

I'm not saying this is the case here, but there have been occasions where I got all up in my head about my problems and someone laughing at me and telling me not to take my problems so seriously was the perfect way to stop worrying and focus on better things.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#435

Post by sillysaurusx »

jart wrote: post #416
sillysaurusx wrote: post #308

Earlier quoted context omitted.

“Companies don’t fire a crackerjack” implies that you’ve always been seen as an all-star team member. Consider an alternate universe where you were never allowed to feel like an all-star, because you were never able to show up for meetings on time, and people got progressively madder at you regardless of how much soul or effort you put in. We’re probably two sides of the same coin. You got lucky at all your jobs, and…

What you call luck, I'd call magic. The important thing to understand about magic tricks is they're really not all that magical once you learn how to perform them. People are also willing to overlook a great deal when they believe you're a luckbringer. My manager for instance cared about me on a personal level because I was contributing to his success. When the VP took me away, it weakened him.

How do you do that when your manager always considers you an unreliable risk?

I think you're dramatically underestimating how much it matters to be punctual in the vast majority of companies, regardless of whether your code output is reliable.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#436

Post by Mikeb85 »

> I have held jobs in small and big companies for mostly for 1-2 years each, traveled and lived in different countries, had 2 failed startups, and have about $500k in savings

Just think about this for a sec. You've got a good career, travelled and have $500k US in savings. You're in the top 5% in the US and definitely top 1% worldwide. I think your problem is your expectations... Worry less about 'success' and live your life.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#437

Post by athinggoingon »

Reading through the comments, does it feel like they have no idea what you're going through or where you're coming from? If so, let me tell you what worked for me. None of these comments ever works without having someone around you that you can reality test with. You need to find a partner in life. You need to get married. And no, a live-in partner won't do.

That is it. There is no other solutions for you. Meetups, hobbies, social contacts, "experiences", ... They won't work. You will come back to an empty home at the end of it and discover the same old problems you were trying to deal with.

Just get married.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#438

Post by derangedHorse »

ejb999 wrote: post #357
tayo42 wrote: post #335

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Where are you getting 10% guaranteed a year?

nowhere - there is NO PLACE you get safely get 10% guaranteed per year. Zilch, none. Better plans is to plan on living off 4% of you nest egg if you don't want to run out when you are too old to start working again.

The number is quoted from being averaged over several years. I think the basic premise is correct though, one can live off that type of money passively and comfortably (depending on where you live of course). If you aren't seeing those kind of returns on average, move your money to a total stock market index fund.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#439

Post by CorrectHorseBat »

drran wrote: post #401
tomerbd wrote: post #231

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Which bike did you buy?

Buy a bike with matching frame for your height, with good double suspension, e.g. with front and rear RockShox or better, and raise the handlebar to a comfortable height. Your back will thank you. Install all safety systems: front and rear bike lights, mirror, reflectors, use helmet, reflectors, wear reflective jacket, etc. You must be visible at the road at all times. (I use no helmet, because I'm trained to fall pr…

> with front and rear RockShox or better

If you're only biking on the road I wouldn't get that, only slows you down.

>(I use no helmet, because I'm trained to fall properly, but I recommend to wear helmet until you fall at least 10 times.).

Not sure if you're serious...

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#440

Post by datavirtue »

dhimes wrote: post #264
xwdv wrote: post #237

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Although life starts for a lot of people at 35, I envy those people who are able to start much earlier. These are the people who have their first relationships in high school and college, find their life partner in early twenties, get the right job, a house, kids, keep their friend circle, invest money as early as possible, god damn. They live perfect fuckin lives and it’s all because they bravely jumped in and embra…

Sometimes they also get lucky. IMHO, to actually find the right partner for you in your early 20s is damn lucky.

My wife and I have been together since we were 16. Damn lucky. Watching all the people we know on Facebook looks like some kind of hellscape.
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