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Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

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Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#331

Post by 300bps »

jhanschoo wrote: post #226
300bps wrote: post #208

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You don’t feel the amount of new things you see slows down considerably as you grow older? Not OP but I don’t feel this way at all. My oldest son is starting college next year. That alone has been a learning experience! I coach his robotics team, that has been tremendously new experiences. I’ve gotten three cloud certifications in the past year. I have a huge list of things I want to learn about - assembly language o…

I don't see how this is an adequate counterexample to OP's experience. The novel things you mention have happened to you take are rarer occurrences than a 3 year old experiencing basic physics. Despite the pleas in responses to continue to explore and experience new things, it seems to me that the experience of being surprised at new things becomes rarer as one ages, with exploration yielding diminishing returns with…

The novel things you mention have happened to you take are rarer occurrences than a 3 year old experiencing basic physics.

I can use the same example though! Seeing each of my children born left an immense imprint on me. Seeing them experience basic physics for the first time was as novel of an experience for me as experiencing it myself many years earlier.

There are infinite novel experiences awaiting you if you want to seek them.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#332

Post by MichaelRazum »

- $500k may seem not much for you. Guess you would have more if your start-ups took off or if you would just work in fang and save the money.

- The money doesn't really matter. Guess you would feel the same if you had a successful start-up running.

So to your question. I can really understand you. To be honest I don't have a solution for you, but guess money isn't part of it. I think you would feel the same if you had $10m on your bank account. So it's more the social part. There are some obvious steps you could try to improve it, like dating for example.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#333

Post by trentnix »

First of all, at 35 you're still a baby. Tap the brakes on your anxiety around running out of time.

Second, most everyone is recommending other self-interested pursuits and I don't think you'll find the best fulfillment there.

For me, the answer to "what's the point?" is: kids. After I pursued all of my self-interested goals (resulting in a mix of failure and success depending on who's keeping score) I had kids and realized none of that stuff I pursued really, truly mattered. In fact I wish I'd had kids sooner, as young children (I've got three) are an especially thorough ass-kicking for a 40+-year-old.

Having kids with a like-minded, selfless partner is literally the very best thing I've ever done. And it's the best thing I suspect you'll ever do if it comes to pass. As a friend of mine (who also had kids later in life) says, you have kids and you realize "oooohhhh, this is the whole point".

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#334

Post by ido »

axegon_ wrote: post #319
ido wrote: post #173

Earlier quoted context omitted.

33 (and 35) is young, please don't think you're over the hill. I'm 38 and I still feel I'm just starting out & there's a lot to look forward to (I'll bet having little kids is a big part of why I feel that way). Like the above it sounds like a lot of it might be loneliness? I'm not saying it expecting it to be something easy to rectify but if it is the cause it is indeed possible to become less lonely. I dare say it…

Nah, in all fairness I'm perfectly content in that aspect-no such expectations or desires. I have plenty of bad examples - observations and personal experiences: in a nutshell, my life is similar to an early 2000's hypercar - looks great on the outside and desirable from afar, but in reality impractical, useless in the real world uncomfortable and deadly in most scenarios. My bad qualities include extreme nihilism, c…

Relationships are not transactional like that, you don't have to have a USP to get a romantic partner. You are probably selling yourself short and there are a lot of people who could love you (and that you could love).

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#335

Post by tayo42 »

drzaiusapelord wrote: post #317
owly wrote: post #230

LOL. Getting old is 35. ONLY $500K in savings at 35. Such a sad story. So sorry for you, as most people are lucky to have saved $50K at 35 or even 55! Money has no meaning if you are feeling lost with $500K. Seriously though, my advice would be stop comparing yourself to others. Older or younger, married or single, successful or not, fit or fat. Know thyself. Go on a meditation retreat. You have nothing to lose and n…

Yep this. The average rate of return is 10% so this is someone who can make $50k a year just off this money alone. The real median wage in the USA for workers who worked full time in 2020 was $56k. This person has enough money to nearly replicate the financial success of your average American via a do-nothing secondary income. Your average American retires with only $200k saved up by age 65 as well. $500k is a lot of…

Where are you getting 10% guaranteed a year?

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#336

Post by DougN7 »

clysm wrote: post #313
owly wrote: post #230

LOL. Getting old is 35. ONLY $500K in savings at 35. Such a sad story. So sorry for you, as most people are lucky to have saved $50K at 35 or even 55! Money has no meaning if you are feeling lost with $500K. Seriously though, my advice would be stop comparing yourself to others. Older or younger, married or single, successful or not, fit or fat. Know thyself. Go on a meditation retreat. You have nothing to lose and n…

If you want anyone to take your advice, you should find a better opener than laughing at them and being dismissive.

You make a good point, but I have to admit, as someone in my 50’s, I also chuckled that some thought they were old at 35. I guess time changes all of our perspectives a day at a time.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#337

Post by tharne »

k8sToGo wrote: post #199
dr_faustus wrote: post #103

I was in similar spot with around 30. My advice: 1.) Start dating. It might be a drag and maybe embarrassing at times, but obviously not being a loser having saved up half a mil in 10 years, you will probably find someone. Don't buy into that Hollywood "soulmate" crap. More likely than not there is already someone you know or at max someone one graph edge away which will be a perfectly fine partner for the rest of yo…

While I am glad that you are enjoying kids, I do not think it is fair the way you paint the picture of people who choose to not have kids ("feeling sorry for them") as if it was a condition or something. Plus I think having children is not something that should be rushed. Pretty sure there are many parents out there who became a parent because of social pressure. What if I tell you I find fullfilment in travelling? S…

> I do not think it is fair the way you paint the picture of people who choose to not have kids ("feeling sorry for them") as if it was a condition or something.

It's not painting childless folks as having a condition, it's more kindhearted than that. It's saying, "Here's this thing that's incredibly difficult but infinitely rewarding. I care about you so I want you to experience it too".

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#338

Post by acutesoftware »

urban_strike wrote: post #225
dr_faustus wrote: post #103

I was in similar spot with around 30. My advice: 1.) Start dating. It might be a drag and maybe embarrassing at times, but obviously not being a loser having saved up half a mil in 10 years, you will probably find someone. Don't buy into that Hollywood "soulmate" crap. More likely than not there is already someone you know or at max someone one graph edge away which will be a perfectly fine partner for the rest of yo…

> I have a hard time to see any relevance in a life without children anymore. In my view, having kids is a great way to take off the existential pressure of life being meaningless, by just having a default "do it for them" answer to every single question or hardship in life. And what then will give your child's life such a straightforward meaning? Well, just have kids of their own I guess, and their kids the same, al…

Well said! Life should be what you want to do - many people don't have ambitions or interests, and I guess defaulting to the evolutionary standard of having kids is a valid response.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#339

Post by yodsanklai »

dr_faustus wrote: post #103

I was in similar spot with around 30. My advice: 1.) Start dating. It might be a drag and maybe embarrassing at times, but obviously not being a loser having saved up half a mil in 10 years, you will probably find someone. Don't buy into that Hollywood "soulmate" crap. More likely than not there is already someone you know or at max someone one graph edge away which will be a perfectly fine partner for the rest of yo…

> Start dating. It might be a drag and maybe embarrassing at times, but obviously not being a loser having saved up half a mil in 10 years, you will probably find someone.

I wish that was true. For me, dating became incredibly harder after 40 even though my social status has considerably increased.

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