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Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

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Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#151

Post by csee »

hughrr wrote: post #132

I’m in my late 40s. Just gone through 15 years of absolute shit with an ex partner and financial chaos. Decided I’d fix it in 2019. Three important things to concentrate on: 1. Health. If that’s off, fix it first. Everything depends on health. Sort out your diet, physical fitness and health and mental health follows. I’m fitter than all my peers and both fitter and healthier than I was in my 20s. Can run a half marat…

What is your personality type? Are you extroverted? Would points (2) and (3) differ for someone who is introverted?

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#152

Post by dirkt »

> I am turning 35 years soon and I feel like I haven't achieved much, both personally and professionally.

It's called "midlife crisis". Everyone goes through it.

> I feel like I've seen most things before, and it's all just different iterations of the same.

Yes. I am over 50, I have been programming since I was 10 or so, and I have seen even more iterations than you :-)

You only get excited about these things if you see them for the first or second time.

On the other hand, if you understand the principles that makes things work, instead of just knowing every single detail, that gives you some good guidelines to cut through the crap and do some slick, efficient things.

> But not anymore now. I feel like my time for everything is running out.

Nah. The fun is just starting for you.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#153

Post by subpixel »

holdenc wrote: post #138

My friend, you are not lost -- you are free. From what I can tell, you have your health, your youth (35 is still young) and you have some savings. If you don't have a mortgage, kids, a spouse, and a job you cannot leave, then you are free. The next step is to see the world. Get a one-way ticket to Chiang Mai and try to stay as long as possible. Learn the language, get a scooter, and talk to people. Live close to the…

I will attest to this being quite poor advice. I think the OP is well aware that a cheap exotic vacation and a scooter are not going to fill the gap he feels.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#154

Post by Aeolun »

Not sure what the answer is, but I feel sort of the same.

Having a child and partner helps. It gives me something to hold on to. Though that obviously doesn’t help you right now.

But the excitement about a lot of other stuff is just gone. I’m fairly certain it comes from just having seen most things before, and it appears 30+ is the magic age at which you start to feel this.

I’m settled in a career, and have no particular desire to switch now (partially golden handcuffs effect).

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#156

Post by Madmallard »

I’m 31 now and used to be quite fit but developed disability after a hospitally acquired infection and antibiotics and now have chronic severe food intolerances. I don’t know how I am going to cope as I get even older. It doesn’t seem like I can get very fit. There is a mild developing heart condition as well now. What do I even do?

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#157

Post by enjoywhatyoucan »

39. Exactly the same, except 4 years older, half the savings and just 1.5 startups.

I'm looking to see if hobbies can help me meet people, hopefully friends or even a partner. COVID isn't helping.

I try to ignore friends and acquaintances that tell me how boring my life is, ask me why I don't have a partner, why I don't have kids, why do I spend so much time alone, why don't I party more... Frankly, they are not helping. Still keep them as friends though.

Dating feels like work most of the time, so I'm doing it less and less. It used to stress me, now I tell myself a partner is not a requirement for a happy life and date when I feel like it.

I am still living abroad, will probably move back in a couple of years. I am putting some unreasonable expectations on the move, hoping it will make things better when I know it won't. At least the weather will be better.

As time piles your age, irreversibility gains terrain in the land of possibility. You can fight to do all the possible or, like me, watch yourself lose with a bitter glass of wine at your lips. It tastes better after a while.

I don't think I'm sad, just profoundly bored.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#158

Post by sillysaurusx »

jart wrote: post #141
dr_faustus wrote: post #103

I was in similar spot with around 30. My advice: 1.) Start dating. It might be a drag and maybe embarrassing at times, but obviously not being a loser having saved up half a mil in 10 years, you will probably find someone. Don't buy into that Hollywood "soulmate" crap. More likely than not there is already someone you know or at max someone one graph edge away which will be a perfectly fine partner for the rest of yo…

(3) is a very negative way of looking at things. Do you think Bill Gates did it on his own? You don't have to be famous in order to play a small part of something impactful that's larger than yourself and will be respected for generations.

> You don't have to be famous in order to play a small part of something impactful that's larger than yourself and will be respected for generations.

Once someone leaves a company, their work generally fades into oblivion. Almost immediately, too.

Are you around 25? I used to feel as you do. But at 34, I'm with OP.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#159

Post by mucholove »

hughrr wrote: post #132

I’m in my late 40s. Just gone through 15 years of absolute shit with an ex partner and financial chaos. Decided I’d fix it in 2019. Three important things to concentrate on: 1. Health. If that’s off, fix it first. Everything depends on health. Sort out your diet, physical fitness and health and mental health follows. I’m fitter than all my peers and both fitter and healthier than I was in my 20s. Can run a half marat…

Plus one on health. Probably the last thing I’ll stop paying for is my trainer / coach. (I am doing gymnastics)

My life has picked up so much momentum after that.

A failed relationship left a hole in my heart and existence. A failed business also sucked—but much less) Health is the first foot forward.

And sports with people is probably the best way to go! (OP you have the cash for a trainer. Do it!)

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#160

Post by baobabKoodaa »

senectus1 wrote: post #84
victor_e wrote: post #7

500k in savings? That is quite the achievement. You should feel good about that.

definitely. I have just under 500k in debt and about 30k in savings. and I'm 47. Most of that debt is a house (that needs a lot of restoration). I have two awesome kids and a wife though. I'm happy with that part of me.

> I have just under 500k in debt and about 30k in savings ... Most of that debt is a house (that needs a lot of restoration)

I feel like the concept of net worth is crucial to communicate things like these effectively. Reading your comment, I can't even figure out if you are in the red or in the green.

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