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Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

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Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#141

Post by jart »

dr_faustus wrote: post #103

I was in similar spot with around 30. My advice: 1.) Start dating. It might be a drag and maybe embarrassing at times, but obviously not being a loser having saved up half a mil in 10 years, you will probably find someone. Don't buy into that Hollywood "soulmate" crap. More likely than not there is already someone you know or at max someone one graph edge away which will be a perfectly fine partner for the rest of yo…

(3) is a very negative way of looking at things. Do you think Bill Gates did it on his own? You don't have to be famous in order to play a small part of something impactful that's larger than yourself and will be respected for generations.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#142

Post by Dwelve »

A certain degradation of excitement is inevitable but there are countless opportunities you haven't taken yet and challenges that will give you meaning. "Excited about technologies" is an issue that was bound to happen, considering how overpromising every single new innovation is sold. At some point we do learn our lesson and understand the actual difference this new piece of hardware is going to have on our life will be minimal. If you're looking for new things to grab and hold your attention I highly advice to not keep looking in the same place you've been standing at for the longest time.

It does sound like you've worked a lot, and probably also with computers, so you probably should try to find challenges in other fields, mainly sports. Run a marathon, do some climbing, get in the best shape of your life - it is utterly impossible to not feel ecstatic whenever you beat your own records. Also, sounds like starting a family would give you a tremendous benefit. Once you have kids the question about "feeling lost" doesn't even come up (probably because the kids won't let you think enough about that :P)

I'm 32 and I basically did not exist throughout my 20s but now I'm in better shape than I've ever been before, interact with people more than I ever did before and make new experiences on a regular basis.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#145

Post by johndill »

hughrr wrote: post #132

I’m in my late 40s. Just gone through 15 years of absolute shit with an ex partner and financial chaos. Decided I’d fix it in 2019. Three important things to concentrate on: 1. Health. If that’s off, fix it first. Everything depends on health. Sort out your diet, physical fitness and health and mental health follows. I’m fitter than all my peers and both fitter and healthier than I was in my 20s. Can run a half marat…

+1 on health. I'm way older than both of you. Clean living and regular, vigorous, exercise has been the #1 key to loving yourself, confidence and mental health. Pays huge dividends later in life. As for relationships. As the old saying goes "If you are looking for a trout, don't fish in a herring barrel". Do what you want to do, travel where you want to go, join and participate in hobbies that you like. Group activities will be best (hiking, exercise, walking, tours, photography), You will meet your peers. good luck

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#146

Post by mikewarot »

strictfp wrote: post #77
mikewarot wrote: post #41

I'm 58. Everything IS an different iteration of the same thing. Generally, if intelligent adults are involved, there are likely to be some useful new things in the new iteration, small improvements. On rare occasion, there are massive changes that only become apparent later. (Like when transistors first appeared, they wore out, like tubes, but slower... germanium was replaced by silicon, and lifetimes tended towards…

Quoted post unavailable.

Well, I would suggest learning how to make Straight Bevel gears, but that's too specific and autobiographical.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#147

Post by tomxor »

j7ake wrote: post #122

At some point in ones life, it can become more rewarding to mentor the next generation of people to your craft rather than continuing to go on your own. Mentorship with the young generation couples the energy of the mentee with the experience to avoid pitfalls from the mentor. One example of this are professors. Many of them you may noticed never want to retire. They are often in an ideal stimulating environment that…

> Mentorship with the young generation couples the energy of the mentee with the experience to avoid pitfalls from the mentor.

I find this interesting - I've sort of had a taste of this with an extreme sport, a very casual mentorship of a friend at a not dissimilar age with a huge quantity of enthusiasm but little previous experience. I noticed the enthusiasm definitely transfers, and what was old can seem new again - not only that but I can take that enthusiasm to explore new aspects of the sport and push myself further. I haven't quite found the same experience in technical work yet, but I feel I could do with some renewed enthusiasm there too.

It may not even necessarily be mentorship, just being in good company with enthusiastic, friendly and interesting people. As a fairly introverted person it's open my eyes a bit to how much the people around me can affect my mood and engagement with the world.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#148

Post by subpixel »

alangibson wrote: post #79

This is almost exactly my life, shifted by a decade. The problem is that by 35 you can't get by on novelty anymore because you've seen some version of everything there is to see. The worst thing you can do is pine for the good old days. They aren't coming back. And they weren't that good anyway. Your best times are ahead if you can successfully adjust. What worked for me was putting down roots. I resisted it mightily…

The big difference is that settling down gives you things to care about deeply. Your family, the community your kids will grow up in, the experiences and skills you want your kids to grow up with.

Absent that, my life was one long drawn-out example of “fear of missing out” and I flitted from thing to thing, place to place.

Just make sure you marry above your station, emotionally.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#149

Post by gexla »

Digit-Al wrote: post #72

Firstly, stop this rubbish about getting old; with current life expectancies I wouldn't even consider someone middle aged until they are their forties. Old is probably late sixties to seventies. You still have a long way to go :-) Secondly, stop trying to define your life by "achieving". I know this is a difficult one, I'm still (sort of) struggling with this one. Achievements are ephemeral. Only an incredibly tiny m…

This is a great answer, and similar to mine. I feel there are a couple of things which happen around 35.

- As a child, you feel special. At 35, it's as if you have been out so far from receiving presents from Santa that you sort of cross the heliosphere into interstellar space. You're no longer special. You're no longer the future in this society which has drilled into us the idea of (if you're from the US) American exceptionalism. It's now your turn to do meaning making for others.

- 35 is the breaking point for carrying the old structures which defined your identity. The above plays a big part in that tipping point. You were in a cocoon, which was crafted by society to get you to this breaking stage so that you could create your own reality. The entire time, you were changing. 35ish is the point where things start crashing down.

- Along with the above, there's often another event which helps tip you over. Loss of a relationship and a job will usually do the trick.

- Once you emerge from the cocoon, you're like "WTF?" Where am I? Who am I? What do I do now? The answer is, you're now free, do whatever TF you like! Though this isn't an overnight change. It's the start of a learning process to live in this new existence. It's like you have been born and have to figure out how to walk again, except you have to do this while paying rent.

Maybe not everyone goes through this. But I sure did!

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#150

Post by jimt222 »

alangibson wrote: post #79

This is almost exactly my life, shifted by a decade. The problem is that by 35 you can't get by on novelty anymore because you've seen some version of everything there is to see. The worst thing you can do is pine for the good old days. They aren't coming back. And they weren't that good anyway. Your best times are ahead if you can successfully adjust. What worked for me was putting down roots. I resisted it mightily…

>problem is that by 35 you can't get by on novelty anymore because you've seen some version of everything there is to see

I'm 68 and this is self-limiting B.S.

In the last few years I have seen many things I never saw before, and never imagined.

Ironically, when I was about 30, I was in a similar position and complained to my dad that there was nothing new under the sun, everything is just a rehash of what has come before.

He laughed at me, and threw me out of the house.

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