Adult life is demarcated by transitions just as childhood. Although a bit dated, you might find this useful: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/205587.The_Seasons_of_a_...
Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?
121–130 of 890 posts
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?
#122At some point in ones life, it can become more rewarding to mentor the next generation of people to your craft rather than continuing to go on your own.
Mentorship with the young generation couples the energy of the mentee with the experience to avoid pitfalls from the mentor.
One example of this are professors. Many of them you may noticed never want to retire. They are often in an ideal stimulating environment that only improves with time. Every year a young batch of eager students wanting to learn arrive, while profs provide the taste and quality control to direct the energy.
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?
#123You reflect on what’s really important and use all those problem solving skills to focus on that instead.
I’m a big believer that loneliness is there to motivate us to change.
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?
#124This is almost exactly my life, shifted by a decade. The problem is that by 35 you can't get by on novelty anymore because you've seen some version of everything there is to see. The worst thing you can do is pine for the good old days. They aren't coming back. And they weren't that good anyway. Your best times are ahead if you can successfully adjust. What worked for me was putting down roots. I resisted it mightily…
I second this one
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?
#125This makes me think about a book I read a year or so ago called The Happiness Curve by Jonathan Rauch.
The idea is that happiness peaks in your 20s when you have great expectations and infinite possible outcomes for your life. As you age, you make choices, and reality sets in, and it inevitably leads to some amount of disappointment and dissatisfaction with life.
Fortunately, the happiness curve tends to trend back upward starting around age 50. The author's explanation for this is that happiness is based at least partially on your expectations. The idea being that your expectations are finally adjusted downward enough by the time you reach your 50s that you can be satisfied with normal life.
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?
#126I remember feeling similar when I was about your age. All of a sudden I looked around and, where I was spending my time, everyone was a lot younger and I felt out of place. I didn’t want to be the old guy in the room. So I made changes. Big changes. Rearchitected my life, if you will. They were not easy. But I’ve learned a ton over the journey. I miss the old life, and I’m grateful for this life I made, worlds apart…
> All of a sudden I looked around and, where I was spending my time, everyone was a lot younger and I felt out of place.
I have the same feeling, and it's astonishing to me how quickly it happened. I went from feeling in the same age group as 20-somethings to feeling like their uncle in a year. I doubt I changed so much externally, but I'm amazed at how abrupt the change was.
It wasn't just a few things being out of place, then some more, then some more. I went from "I belong here" to "I don't belong here" basically instantly.
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?
#127Earlier quoted context omitted.
Perhaps this is naive of me but to have half a million in the bank and being miserable sounds like a pretty poor state of affairs. Time to convert some of that money into time and experiences.
Image OP being in the same state of mind but with 20K in the bank. Now, that’s miserable.
There are people 50 years old with 5K who aren't as miserable as OP.
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?
#128Quoted post unavailable.
Let me rephrase that for you:
"You have lots of savings, so you could try working for an NGO/NPO or even volunteer, either in tech or working directly with people. This can give you a surprisingly strong sense of purpose."
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?
#129I think this is a pretty normal feeling to have. For myself it was a fine line between “accepting reality” and actual depression. Getting older and realizing half of your life is behind you is not the most uplifting topic.
So that would be my first piece of advice, get some counseling or other mental health help.
As for what to do beyond that, you didn’t really say much in your post. You briefly mentioned your relationship status, so it seems that might be a area to start in. The good news for you is that at 35 it is perfectly acceptable to be dating people in their mid to late 20s, so you still have plenty of time to start a relationship and have a family.
From my personal experience being married and having children will completely disabuse you of your current feelings. You may have other problems to deal with, but “what to do with the next 20 years” won’t be one of them.
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?
#130Get married and have kids already. The developed world population has been well below the replacement level, and you will have a new purpose in life, one that is very hard, but feels biologically correct. Kids are a way to try to "get right" all the mistakes you made or people made with you. Of course they will make their own mistakes, but we're talking about what will be rewarding for you. You sound like you have experienced a lot, and should pass on your skills and learnings. You also need higher day to day priorities than your own mental health in order to "get out of your own head" and finish maturing into an adult, IMHO.
(Speaking from experience)