Reality is very tied to notion of success and regular supply of it (aka you need a few wins to feel better right now). That said with age the intensity of success vanishes, you care less about winning I assume and more about global balance of improvements, it's another kind of happiness (probably tuned to biological need to make a family)
Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?
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Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?
#112I was really depressed while doing my PhD, and something that helped me a lot was getting seriously involved in a social dance community.
I think this could help you a lot. It really seems to me that what you’re missing is human connection, and social dance is a way to facilitate it.
There are dance communities with plenty of people your age. It’s a totally different scene from bars and clubs. People don’t drink very much because it gets in the way of dancing.
It’s also a good way to find potential relationship partners, although the primary interest should be the dancing, since people can tell if you’re just there to hook up and that will come off as creepy and predatory.
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?
#11335 was the start of a great run which is continuing for me. That was the point where long-held islands of understanding about the world began making connections. A whole growing in power as it formed from the evolving mesh. I felt as though this time marked an explosion in curiosity which further propelled this lifelong investigation.
Around this time, I also experienced a number of existential questions. There were financial problems. There was a break of a relationship which had already gone cold and another which I had started at the tail end of the first which was built on lies. I felt alone and vulnerable, as if I had been abandoned. I felt as if I were floating in a void.
I realized that I had left behind rigid structures which defined my identity. It's not that I walked away from them, so much as they crumbled and I was left with emptiness. I had a choice of clinging on to the ruins, or further exploring this odd new space I found myself in. I decided that I would embrace the void. I found that without the old structures, I could instead create and and discard new ones. The creations would be like the fantasy worlds I created from my imagination as a child. I entered into a phase of play. I was Don Quixote fighting windmills.
Embracing this void is sort of also embracing the art of being lost. I imagine that my identity could be anything and that I should jump from one to another as a continuation of wandering. Lately I have had an interest in doing performance as a street performing clown as an exploration of different paths of comedy. The clown suits me as taking on a character to remind myself and others not to take things too seriously. But there's also a seriousness to the place of comedy in our world. That's another critical point, that even though I have changed my relationship with structures which once carried great meaning, those structures are still important as a bridge for younger people to get to where I'm at. We need these structures, we need Santa or something like it when we're children. Also realize that part of the reason you feel lost may be that society necessarily treats younger people differently. At some point, like in Judge Dredd, you get exiled from this special place. But you'll find the life in exile is much richer in experience. I wouldn't go back.
One piece of advice that I always give, is to look into taking improv classes. The most basic idea of improv is the "yes, and" approach of interacting with others, which you can apply to everything. Whatever the universe throws at me, I'll respond back with a "yes... and" - and we'll all laugh at the result.
This is a special moment. Congrats. And welcome to the other side.
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?
#114Joing a few different sports clubs and you might find a sport you like. I joined the boxing one and it turned out I really like it (I do not like football that's for sure). The best thing is everyone goes to the pub after so it's a great way to make a few new friends, there will be one or two people there you get on great with. I did try about maybe 10 sports before I settled on boxing, I even tried yoga and spinning, which both were not for me too.
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?
#115I'm 58. Everything IS an different iteration of the same thing. Generally, if intelligent adults are involved, there are likely to be some useful new things in the new iteration, small improvements. On rare occasion, there are massive changes that only become apparent later. (Like when transistors first appeared, they wore out, like tubes, but slower... germanium was replaced by silicon, and lifetimes tended towards…
Quoted post unavailable.
Apparently this is a suggestion for a relevant(?) subreddit, but a bit more context would be nice
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?
#116Wow I’m the same age and could have written a similar post. The good news for you is you still can experience a relationship, have kids and get to do all of that. Find a hobby or interest that you’re passionate about (this has to come from your soul) and then just apply your passion towards that, try and be good at it so you stand out and then besides being fulfilling, if you’re any decent at it, it will help you fin…
Model frigate building, here I go!
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?
#117> Have you been through a similar thing?
More than once, as I guess is true of most people over 40
> How did you deal with it?
Figure out what is important to me and find ways to spend more time doing that. Neither was easy.
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?
#118500k in savings? That is quite the achievement. You should feel good about that.
I wish him all the best and am glad again to know my wife is right when she said money does not solve all problems.
I should listen to her more.
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?
#119I remember feeling similar when I was about your age. All of a sudden I looked around and, where I was spending my time, everyone was a lot younger and I felt out of place. I didn’t want to be the old guy in the room. So I made changes. Big changes. Rearchitected my life, if you will. They were not easy. But I’ve learned a ton over the journey. I miss the old life, and I’m grateful for this life I made, worlds apart…
What kinds of changes did you make, what did you learn from it? How do you go about rearchitecting and decision making?
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?
#120Earlier quoted context omitted.
Get married? I dunno bout that. Kiss half your wealth goodbye. Children? You can be jailed for not paying child support on imputed income. That's imaginary money you don't have.
> Get married? I dunno bout that. Kiss half your wealth goodbye. jeez man,you sound like an incel. getting married is about having a life partner to share the best and worse of life together with. money is just something that happens. Children dont have to happen but if they do, you'd have to understand that children change your perspective on what is important in life.
I don't agree with the person you're replying to, but I think it's fair to point out that you don't need to get married to have a life partner. With marriage rates declining, younger generations are not seeing it as a necessary step in a relationship.