Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

Have you asked your parents yet? They have a lot more experience being old than you.

I think I understand what you're feeling. I'm lucky to have found my way through my period of feeling lost, and have come to a pretty good place as I approach 45 (fathered my first child two years ago, have increasingly good relationships with my partner, family, friends, etc, and have new career/startup opportunities taking shape that are exciting to me). But it's been a long road of feeling very lost and doing deep soul searching to get here.

Some places I'd recommend looking for guidance/inspiration/support:

- Writers/speakers on topics relating to "the meaning crisis"; people like John Vervaeke, Iain McGilchrist, Rafia Morgan and Jonathan Pageau. There are some good video interviews with them and others on the Rebel Wisdom YouTube channel.

- Consider a men's group (assuming you're male; equivalent groups exist for women and other identity groups); I've been in a local chapter of Evryman for the past couple of years, and others I've known have been in The Mankind Project. These kinds of groups can be a great way to connect with other men who are seeking meaning and encouragement to achieve better life outcomes. I've seen some amazing transformations in the men I've known to go through these groups.

- Don't think you're "just depressed". While of course it's possible you could have a clinical condition, and it's worth exploring that and seeking treatment if need be, don't let people tell you that feeling lost in this world is merely a sign of depression. It can be a very healthy reaction to notice that the world is pretty messed up and to feel that there must be a way to find a more fulfilling life path.

Also, feel free to contact me (email address in profile). I'm thinking about starting a new kind of community for people who are looking to heal and grow.

All the best to you.

I'm not sure what your background with therapy is, but, it's certainly not an opiate. In fact a good therapist will help out and encourage one to confront one's problems directly.

I had one bout of this (by far the worst) in like 2003. I think I tried every SSRI out there at the time plus lithium plus a bunch of stuff that like 3 different psychiatrists prescribed over a year. I would try something for like 2-6 weeks and then try another. I honestly don't remember the full list. None of it helped me.

SSRIs in particular did not work well for me because they really interfered with my natural sleep cycle and this did not go away after 6 weeks as the doctors hoped. I would just bolt awake sweating after like 3 hours of sleep which made things much, much worse.

I never tried any illegal drugs. I've read good reports about psychadelics in some cases. But I've never tried anything like that.

I did try benzodiazapines during my last bout like 3 years ago. They were wonderful at first. Klonopin made me feel so relaxed somehow that it fixed everything else. I slept great and was interested in everything again. I thought I'd found the fix. But then it stopped working. They recommended increasing my dose. But I read horror stories about what happens there (see Jordan Peterson saga). So I tapered off. It was awful. I would wake up after 2 hours having a panic attack and not be able to get back to sleep. It took like an extra 3 months after tapering off until I was back to just regular depressed :). Would not recommend these! Read the benzo recovery reddit.