Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life • Hacker News Board

Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

#441

Post by thrown » Sun, Jan 30, 2022, 8:46 PM UTC

anonym_123 wrote: post #290

colmvp wrote: post #256

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Imagine if I said I went to some event but unfortunately there were only x person of ethnicity. Yuck! If the OP only wants to be friends with attractive women and tall guys, more power to him but he won't get much sympathy for me for that comment. Opportunities in life comes in many shapes and forms. That short guy or unattractive woman who they could've made friends with could've also opened up more social opportuni…

> Imagine if I said I went to some event but unfortunately there were only x person of ethnicity. Yuck! Maybe not on HN comments but IRL I've seen people already do that all the time. Women especially really seem to take race/ethnicity into consideration.

I think a lot of the time people say things but don't actually really stick by what they're saying. Especially with women. They'll say really stupid things like that and a few days later they'll do something that contradicts that thing entirely

Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

#442

Post by thrown » Sun, Jan 30, 2022, 9:00 PM UTC

Bolkan wrote: post #49

> short guys looking for girlfriends, unattractive/aging women looking for husbands Do people like this exist? I thaught it was just a meme/stereotype.

You sound like a 15 year old girl

Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

#443

Post by sshine » Sun, Jan 30, 2022, 9:04 PM UTC

selimthegrim wrote: post #433

bufferoverflow wrote: post #420

Earlier quoted context omitted.

New Orleans has one of the highest murder rates in the country. It's not a safe place.

In 2019 they were at at all time low. I’ll still take it over Portland where people treat me like I don’t exist or as a means to an end.

I’ll take “treat me like I don’t exist” over “make me not exist” any day. ;-)

Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

#444

Post by sshine » Sun, Jan 30, 2022, 9:11 PM UTC

tim333 wrote: post #379

mdoms wrote: post #200

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yeah I often see people recommend board game groups for people like OP which is shocking to me. Take a look at the people attending these events. They're not what OP is looking for. Look for normies hobbies.

As a middle aged dev type who prefers pretty girls to middle aged dev types, film / acting events are kinda fun. You can even do an acting class and be an unemployed actor on the side like the rest of them.

This is called LARP’ing. A friend of mine does this. He also got a job as a bartender during weekends.

Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

#445

Post by birthday » Sun, Jan 30, 2022, 9:11 PM UTC

Simple, get a remote coding job and book a ticket to South East Asia. Thailand is a good start.

You will very quickly meet tonnes of people and can travel and see the world. Constant stimulation.

And if you are ever lonely while doing the above then download Tinder and start meeting people in your area.

Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

#446

Post by sshine » Sun, Jan 30, 2022, 9:16 PM UTC

yeeetz wrote: post #192

tootie wrote: post #152

Earlier quoted context omitted.

There's a 1000 similar options. Ballroom dancing, martial arts, bird watching, D&D. Most are happy to have new recruits.

Yeah those all sound nice in theory but those activities way more likely to be populated with other weird lonely overthinker types like OP. Do stuff that normal people actually do, not what internet people think normal people do.

> stuff that normal people actually do

Have kids?

Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

#447

Post by darkerside » Sun, Jan 30, 2022, 9:20 PM UTC

DarylZero wrote: post #214

darkerside wrote: post #210

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It won't magically end his isolation, no. But, it will create an environment that is conducive to ending it. You run into opportunities every day, and it's up to you to take advantage of them, or immediately drown them in negativity.

Being happy doesn't create an environment. You're just making a lot of assumptions that conveniently allow you to dismiss and deny the reality of the situation.

Sorry you're taking it as dismissal and denial. It's not meant that way.

I realize there's a problem. I also realize nothing I can say will solve that problem. It's up to tenonyx to solve it. I'm not trying to solve, just trying to help show a perspective on it that one might not immediately see. Because I've been there, too.

Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

#448

Post by ceasesurthinko » Sun, Jan 30, 2022, 9:24 PM UTC

Sounds like you're heavily projecting. This post is literally the definition of projection. Just read your post over again and realize how toxic and demeaning and unbearable you sound. Maybe look deeply into how much of an asshole your are, and then maybe that'll give you a clue why you hate your life.

But to give real advice to you in a less flippant manner, start embracing who you are. You're going to end up in your 40s fantasizing about living a stereotypical and neurotypical extrovert life like a frat boy and constantly hating and rejecting people who nerdy and geeky only to realize how much time you wasted trying to be someone you aren't. You have people to hang out with. You just reject them because you hate yourself, you have always had a thing against awkward and nerdy people, even though that's who you are.

Trust me, many people on the borderline of smart and cool during their highschool go through this phase. It's taking you till your 30s to learn this, but you will learn it soon. You will learn how superficial these labels are and how the only thing that matters is finding some people that care for you and that you care for them. You're literally self-hating by announcing your distaste for the stereotypical 'outcasts' of society. Because you would be in that group too.

I actually hope you get what you want, a nice friend group full of 'normal' non-autistic, non-awkward, non-short, non-old, outgoing, and non-ugly people. I hope you get that dream and anything else you want- because you will quickly realize that it's not the answer. ~stolen slightly changed quote from Jim Carrey.

Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

#449

Post by selimthegrim » Sun, Jan 30, 2022, 9:49 PM UTC

sshine wrote: post #443

selimthegrim wrote: post #433

Earlier quoted context omitted.

In 2019 they were at at all time low. I’ll still take it over Portland where people treat me like I don’t exist or as a means to an end.

I’ll take “treat me like I don’t exist” over “make me not exist” any day. ;-)

Barring a car accident a few months ago no one has ever laid a finger on me or made me feel unsafe here.

Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

#450

Post by Jakewk » Sun, Jan 30, 2022, 10:01 PM UTC

Move to a different country. I think you’ll find other cultures’ may have more interesting social constructs that rejuvenate your lust for life and ability to grow your social system.