Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

Lol that’s the absolute polar opposite of what the OP wants. They want to get away from other engineers like them and to meet some different people.

Money? Yeah you could flex a little. But they like other stuff more. And you got a gaping god-sized hole in your life. Women are big into spirituality. Hot ones, nice ones. Get yourself a priestess, mate.

Or you could get rich first, by starting a business, cuz it'll be hard to do that after the kids start coming.

Now, if you want religious suggestions, I can offer you a coder-friendly menu...

But most of all, stop thinking about how you can fix your depression and start thinking about how you can benefit whichever groups you identify with. That will put the light back in your eyes immediately.

If you ask for a radical solution, and you're from English-speaking country, my radical suggestion is: go teach English in country like Brazil or Russia, Ukraine, etc, but make sure you stay outside of the capitals, where expats are rare enough. I know some guys who did this, they have social life, are rather important people, and have no reason to come home to be the average Joe.

If that's not an option, like it wasn't for me, manage the probabilities. All hobby groups are places where you have a chance to get some social life/couple. But they differ. Invest less time in those with awkward people, but don't abandon completely -- sometimes friends from there will invite you to other, more interesting social groups.

Eco-, new-urbanism or political activist groups are much better than dance groups, because people go to dance exactly to find a couple, whereas any form of activism filters those out and the share of "normal" people is much higher. (Of course, their age and marital status may vary, so choose appropriately.)

Where you live also matters. A metropolis is very un-social, interactions are awkward, and you must be highly active to just stay in contact with some people. A small town has much more social cohesion, but may make you passive in dating. Something in the middle is better.

Living in suburbia is antisocial, it's better to live in walking distance from places to socialize in a walkable city.

Since you're still looking for a couple, it's better to live near a university where the share of young people is higher. Also, write down when you had dates, or was approached, and what social activities you had then -- it can give insights.

P.S. Therapy works only as painkiller. After couple of meetings therapists open up their stone-age beliefs: NLP, positive thinking, hypnosis, homeopathy.

If you want to meet new people you're going to have to bond around something whether it's a new hobby or an old one. When you're young it's easy, you bond over anything. School, shit jobs, getting high, etc.

When you get older it's tougher. My theory is that because as we get older out time gets more limited so we get more selective. So pick something non-nerdy like sports for example (crossfit, running, hiking). Or maybe work remote from one of those live-in coworking spaces (check out Outsite for example).

I feel you man, I've been there and sometimes still am. My suggestion is do any of the above or reconnect with an old friend and foster that friendship. Having a few good friends goes a long way.

Oh, and for those fun loving 20 something upstairs? You're looking at through rose colored glasses at a brief moment in time. They're probably lonely too. We were at that age.