271–280 of 522 posts
“I tried to meet new people at hobbies and dance lessons, but guess what - they're all full of lonely developers and other socially awkward people - short guys looking for girlfriends, unattractive/aging women looking for husbands, etc.“ I wonder why you have trouble making friends.
I have often been told im good at making friends and I think you can make them anytime, anywhere, anyhow, the first thing to focus on is your personal mindset and build from there: 1. Just say yes. When someone asks for anything, say yes, no matter how big or small (help them move out, look after their dog) This will put you into novel situations. 2. Show genuine interest in things. Ask why, learn more, dig deeper, k…
I’m curious. Why not learn yoga in India(from where it originated). What does Thailand have that India doesn’t?
Gee, I'm just shocked that you're having a difficult time making friends. Who wouldn't want to be friends with judgemental folks?
There isn't anything to mention that you don't know already. There is no quick fix. Find a hobby like sports or music etc and meet people through that, or do other sorts of meetups. But the problem here is your attitude, not the people. Don't take your frustrations out on other people, it's not cool.
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> […] I don’t want to meet people like me How do you know they’re like you? How do you know all the single guys there are just looking to hook up or find girlfriends? How do you know all the aging, unattractive women are just looking for a husband? Feels like you are projecting. To give a different perspective - I also took dance classes before COVID. I went into it with the mindset that I wanted to learn how to danc…
> I wanted to learn how to dance (to wit, I failed miserable) Perhaps you gave up too early, or had a poor coach. I am terribly awkward, but I persisted, and eventually people who didn't know me told me I was "talented". What a laugh.
Yeah, one definitely both wants to grow up and not lose the smiles in the photos of when we were young. I feel you.
What you've described sounds like a spiritual crisis, but I couldn't counsel you through that without knowing you better. I will say this, your world has changed, and that is loss, and loss has to be mourned before you move on to the new season. So give yourself some grace if you're upset with yourself for being upset—no, being upset is natural, it's grief and you can't control it into oblivion.
Chasing a different profession with the idea that that somehow going to make things better is very risky. Could work out, but a lot of girls dump the old abusive boyfriend and find a new abusive boyfriend... You want to make sure you understand why you were attracted to the problem case before you go find another problem case, yes? If you feel like you have adequately done that soul searching, then yeah, follow your gut. But the gut definitely has a bias to retreading the same mistakes again and again, you have to compensate for that bias.
The biggest thing that I will say is, you can't be living as if you'll get everything in order today and start your actual life tomorrow. If you do that you will never recover those looks from the photos from when we were young. This is it: that is your first axiom. It may be weird for a religious person to be telling you that, hah... but even we have the problem, as Hillel’s poem goes, ‘... don't say “I’ll study when I am free” / for maybe you will never be!’
Good luck recovering that brightness of youth. If you are looking for interests, might I suggest binging some podcasts or Teaching Company courses or audiobooks or so, find something that catches your interest there and build up from that initial connection?
> I tried to meet new people at hobbies and dance lessons, but guess what - they're all full of lonely developers and other socially awkward people - short guys looking for girlfriends, unattractive/aging women looking for husbands, etc. So what? Lonely developers can't be good friends? Short guys looking for girlfriends can't be good friends? Sounds like they would solve your loneliness problem but you are too judge…
How? Through Yoga.
Making friends was not my goal whatsoever. Just started practising daily a few years ago because it spoke to me.
Found a good studio (one that teaches real yoga and not just aerobics) and started helping out there for free (in exchange for unlimited classes). I met a lot of the teachers and managers that way.
After about a year or so you start to recognize a lot of faces... and it turns out that a lot of people who regularly go to yoga classes (where they constantly talk about being kind to yourself, others, and the planet) are incredible people.
I have met some real assholes too, don't get me wrong. You just disregard them and carry on.
I am sure this is possible with anything that's open to the public and encourages daily participation, like religion or fitness centers, etc.
However, I spent years attending a fitness gym prior to this and never met a single decent human being I would want to spend time with. Most of the "friends" I used to go to the gym with I don't even talk to anymore.
Yoga classes around me have been canceled/in lockdown for the past few months, but I still talk to my yoga buddies and go for walks with them almost every single day.
It's great! I encourage you to give it a shot!
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Agree that depression diagnosis might be wrong. But the therapy is incredibly effective against all the symptoms he has described in details. Therapy is not just for depressed people. I have met different therapists and I was never diagnosed of clinical depression. However, I have faced many of the symptoms that he has described. It makes sense to meet a therapist (if he can afford it) and take their help. Also, in m…
Touting therapy as incredible effective is at least a little dishonest. I know very many people who saw no benefit from it despite great expense. Think: If you see benefit from therapy are you not more likely to keep going?
When someone recommends therapy, just treat it like you would any other recommendation that doesn’t need to trigger a “that doesn’t apply universally!” response. Nobody is forcing anyone to do therapy. Many people find it helpful. Many people don’t. Still quite reasonable for GP to say “therapy helps” with an implied “in my opinion.”