Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

news.ycombinator.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

101–110 of 522 posts

Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

#101

Post by ed25519FUUU »

corndoge wrote: post #81

You have money and no commitments. You can work remote. These are insane assets to have. Few have any of these. Virtually no one your age has all of them. Take these as your basis to do something you are uniquely advantaged to do, that interests you. Others suggested traveling, that's a great idea. Also, don't be afraid to spend your money. What are you saving it for? A lonely retirement? You won't be young and able…

Also just consider traveling. Take a year or two off or work lightly remote. You’ll meet amazing people. Try and meet locals in each area and not just other backpackers.

Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

#102

Post by wombatpm »

SquibblesRedux wrote: post #69

Some ideas that may or may not pan out: - Get a pet. - Volunteer for a non-profit organization. - Go to church. - Visit and talk frequently with family members. - Join an online dating service. - Talk with or visit your neighbors as frequently as feasible. - Every time you go out shopping, make a point of engaging in light conversation with people who work where you shop. - Take music lessons at a music store. Make a…

Get a pet. A dog is a wonderful way to meet new people.

And don’t be so quick to dismiss the older ladies. They might have daughters, sisters, or friends who are single in your age bracket.

Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

#103

Post by tinyhouse »

Making friends is getting tricky and here's why I think. Where most people good friends are from? school, college, work, and the like. What's common to these? You get to spend a lot of time together with the same people which creates bonding. That's the key I think. Later in life it's just much harder to spend a lot of time together, and now with remote work it's worse. You kind of need to work hard and once you find people you like, keep trying to meet them and doing stuff together. In the beginning it'd be meeting for coffee or playing tennis together. Then if things go well it can become something that creates more bonding, like traveling together for the weekend. Keep in mind that it takes two to tango. Sometimes you'll try hard and initiate but the other side won't make the effort. Move on.

Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

#105

Post by andrew_ »

throwawaynay wrote: post #2

"they're all full of lonely developers and other socially awkward people - short guys looking for girlfriends, unattractive/aging women looking for husbands, etc." So...people like you? you sound really judgemental man. Since you have no friends(so nothing to hold you where you are, right?), and apparently a good source of income, I'd advise you to go remote, travel, try digital nomadism, go to meetups, meet other tr…

Sounds to me like they need less of the developer space, not more. There's more to life than the screen. Fulfillment comes in many forms.

Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

#106

Post by nceasy »

gafferongames wrote: post #92

Sounds to me like you may be depressed. If you are depressed, I recommend against traveling without getting that looked at first. When you are depressed, no matter where you go, there you are. Travel won't help. There's no shame in this, I had undiagnosed anxiety/depression for 20+ years. I had no idea what it was, or why I felt that way until it was treated and it went away completely. Seek professional help. CBT (t…

does CBT really help with anxiety? i have huge problems with anxiety. mainly when i have to get in a airplane.

Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

#107

Post by wanderingmind »

WTF is wrong with short men and unattractive women, are they not humans with emotions who can make friends? In my experience these regular folks are the ones with whom you can have strong friendships that are not just skin deep.

Maybe your attitude of treating unattractive people as beneath you needs to be fixed before you can find meaningful relationships.

Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

#108

Post by dougmwne »

rexstjohn wrote: post #20

The bad news is it sounds like you have absolutely nothing. The good news is it sounds like you have absolutely nothing. How I would love to move to Taiwan or Vietnam for six months making my current salary and work remote right now. Or even one month. Wouldn’t it be fun to go to Europe, take a train across the continent and work on a laptop. Or an Airbnb in Barbados. Who convinced you that you have to stay in this l…

Damn. You said it better than I could and I'm living it. Yes. The location absolutely matters. Our environments create our behavior and our thoughts. Change the environment, change the person. Most people can't do it, but this person absolutely can.

Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

#110

Post by getup8 »

I just started working at “scale-up” (~400 people) company with a dev team of 50 or so, mostly men, in their late 20s to 30s, mostly without kids yet. They have great camaraderie at work, even over remote channels, and often get beers after work, play ping pong, video games, etc. It’s not super cliquey, and if you try at all, you’ll be integrated into at least some of the fun. Anyway, I guess what I’m saying is, maybe consider joining a fun company with a good culture that’s not remote. Often a great way to meet friends, or at least good people to spend time with after work.
Post reply on HN