Ask HN: About to turn 30. Any advice on how to deal with the depression?

> If you love the someone you're with, you don't care about other opportunities. What would be the point? Some special organs that another person doesn't have?

To gain the experience necessary to know when your significant other is behaving in ways that are exceptional. Everything is normal until then

This is how you develop the emotional intellegence to both appeciate them long-term and the wherewithal to deal with abuse.

You can get that from having and studying regular relationships with people, you don't need to f... them too...

/u/poem_for_your_sprog

  I should have hurried youth, in truth,
  And moved more quickly on -
  I should have made the most of youth,
  Before the time was gone.
  
  I should have followed fancy, free,
  Before it thought to fade -
  I should have picked a good degree,
  Or found myself a trade.

  I should have stopped to stare above;
  To share another's dreams -
  I should have never welcomed love,
  And lost it all, it seems.
  
  No matter what the aim or end -
  No matter what you do -
  Regrets are part of life, my friend:
  Don't let them conquer you

Most of us are generally very hard on ourselves. Every 5 - 10 years we all look back and regret something. To balance this you need to also look at things you did that you are proud of or made you happy. To get into the habit of appreciating your life, start keeping a "Gratitude" diary or blog, and list at least 1 thing every day that made you feel good. It can be something as simple as "old lady smiled at me" to something bigger "bought a new car for mom & dad!".

Here's a path that has worked for many people from all kinds of life paths.

Leave academia. It's intellectually sterile, economically exploitative, and will implode sooner rather that later.

Get an industry job. The market is hot, and any experience you have will pay off far more than academia ever might. Don't worry if the job isn't "groundbreaking" or "cutting edge." Don't look for satisfaction in your work, that's a dead end.

Instead, get a life partner. If you're concerned that you will be outcompeted, your goal here is not to get the world's most attractive or fascinating person. Most people make ok life partners. Don't wait to make a deep, profound connection with some kind of mystical soul mate who understands you implicitly. That's a dead end.

It's more important that your partner is fecund. With a child on the way, you will find that your interests and aspirations will become narrow and clear: a large house on an attractive lot far from the city, a car large enough to carry a growing family in comfort, a quality school system with great student outcomes, a support network of local parents. But don't live through your children. They could never live up to the hopes and fantasies your mind will pile on them. That's a dead end.

Instead, get a vintage "mechanic's special" sports car and drag it into your garage. Spend your weekends trying to repair it. Get into craft beer appreciation. A good board game can shave off a good 2-3 hours of unfilled time. I've had a surprising amount of fun driving a riding mower in little circles. It's the little things in life.

I've seen a lot of restless, neurotic twenty and thirty-somethings who experienced a lightbulb moment of epiphany and became dedicated, purpose-driven, calm, and determined adults when they understood what a good life is about.