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Ask HN: Burned Out. What Now?

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Re: Ask HN: Burned Out. What Now?

#151

Post by Jach »

jrib wrote: post #141
Jach wrote: post #126

Earlier quoted context omitted.

There are a lot of us. After a six year stint, with my current burn rate (that I expect to decrease later this year) it'd take 20 years for my savings (read index funds) to run out if they didn't grow at all. If you've been working in tech for more than a year and don't have a year's living expenses saved up/invested in liquid assets, you might want to reconsider your spending habits, or your suspiciously low salary…

I've thought about taking several months between jobs. Having to deal with the health insurance aspect has always felt overly daunting however. Both from the financial aspect and even just the "how do I shop for this thing" perspective.

Health insurance isn't that bad. COBRA legislation allows you to keep your current company plan for 18 months, plus an 18 month extension if needed, with the catch that you start paying for it yourself. You'll get a letter about it with instructions. It can be rather expensive though, I recall mine being somewhere around $600/mo, so I opted to take a risk and go without for quite awhile. (Remembering the financial burden my mom got herself in when she was still alive -- she was unexpectedly laid off, and between jobs stopped having coverage, it was then that she fell and broke her arm.) Later I got a "cheapo" plan that's $280/mo this year, that's basically my hedge against similar really costly unexpected events, though having one would still be annoyingly expensive anyway since it has a high deductible. It's not hard to shop for them, basically search "[your state] health insurance" and look for the relevant portal that lets you compare and pick a plan. Here's Washington's: https://www.wahealthplanfinder.org/

Re: Ask HN: Burned Out. What Now?

#152

Post by bastardoperator »

rowathay wrote: post #123
bastardoperator wrote: post #101

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I had an opposite experience. I went to my manager and described how I felt when I was feeling like OP early in the pandemic. I couldn't tell if it was anxiety, burnout or both. He recommended an immediate two week vacation to clear my head and told me to plan my next vacation for two weeks 6 months out from my last vacation so that there was a constant light at the end of the tunnel. He was empathetic, and explained…

This is excellent, it’s great you had this experience. Mine was the opposite: we hired a replacement for my former boss, and at our first 1:1, I told her I was desperately burned out and unable to really accomplish much. She said, you can take vacation after we accomplish some big team goals.

That's certainly better then GTFO. I probably would have tried to establish a rapport first but given the circumstances I can understand why you wanted to confide in new leadership. The good news is she played her cards early and hopefully that gave you enough details or indicators to consider moving on. We've all had bad managers and the best thing we can do as employees is firing them when they treat us less than human. Also, I think success is the best revenge... Hope you're feeling better, sorry you had to deal with that.

Re: Ask HN: Burned Out. What Now?

#153

Post by onecommentman »

“I don't handle boredom well”

Learn to handle boredom well. It’s a critical life skill that only becomes more important as you age. Better to learn that skill now, rather than deal with crippling depression in the face of enforced boredom from health events and the like.

Develop a few hobbies. Never in the history of human experience has it been easier to pick up a hobby. You may want to consider knitting vintage Volvos out of steel wool, but there are other directions to explore as well.

Defining yourself as someone who “can’t allow themselves to relax at the risk of coming down with a bad case of boredom” might be at the root of some of your feelings right now.

Re: Ask HN: Burned Out. What Now?

#154

Post by tinyhouse »

BadCookie wrote: post #90
orasis wrote: post #11

The bad news is it’s going to take a long time to heal. The good news is you can come back happier than you can imagine. In an ideal scenario you would quit working entirely to focus on your health, but I’m guessing this is not an option. You need to focus on the body first. The most important is sleep, but that is also difficult to address directly, so it’s best to focus on diet and exercise. You’ll likely have to d…

I'd like to add to the list of things to try: Go to an eye doctor if you haven't been in a while, even if you've always had perfect vision in the past. We tech workers spend a lot of time staring at screens, and minor eye discomfort can compound into a major source of stress without you necessarily being aware of it.

Interesting. Any links?

Re: Ask HN: Burned Out. What Now?

#155

Post by tinyhouse »

octokatt wrote: post #10

For tech and burning out, it's important to know that the lack of a clear output or goal can increase the likelihood of burnout. Double that if you have little control over your environment due to technical decisions made where you had not useful input. If you're at severe burnout, which it's definitely sounding like, consider taking a leave of absence (LOA). Time can vary between a couple of weeks to a couple of mon…

Did you consider medical leave instead of LOA? Medical leave should be paid at some capacity.

Re: Ask HN: Burned Out. What Now?

#156

Post by cassianoleal »

giantg2 wrote: post #128
cassianoleal wrote: post #119

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Direct quote from my original response: "Psychedelics are generally not addictive". > They do not lead to dependence or addiction. Thanks for making my point. Edit: Also thanks for the downvote. Being that you then proceeded to _not_ counter me with any real arguments, it also helps to make my point. Edit 2: (this will be a bit longer) I think I see what you mean, and I apologise if my writing and understanding was n…

Please see my prior linked PubMed article about psychological addiction. My point is that psychological addiction is a concern for burnt out people looking for a solution, or people who quit their job and have time to fill. Psychological addiction is different than chemical addiction.

I understand. The PubMed link says nothing about psychedelics though, which is the subject of this thread. It's merely stating the difference between substance and non-substance abuse.

Re: Ask HN: Burned Out. What Now?

#157

Post by PikachuEXE »

rowathay wrote: post #123
bastardoperator wrote: post #101

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I had an opposite experience. I went to my manager and described how I felt when I was feeling like OP early in the pandemic. I couldn't tell if it was anxiety, burnout or both. He recommended an immediate two week vacation to clear my head and told me to plan my next vacation for two weeks 6 months out from my last vacation so that there was a constant light at the end of the tunnel. He was empathetic, and explained…

This is excellent, it’s great you had this experience. Mine was the opposite: we hired a replacement for my former boss, and at our first 1:1, I told her I was desperately burned out and unable to really accomplish much. She said, you can take vacation after we accomplish some big team goals.

Both kinds of results are possible.

But to prevent the worse, just don't tell.

Re: Ask HN: Burned Out. What Now?

#158

Post by tinyhouse »

pbrb wrote: post #144

If you have having issues with sleep, talk to your doctor about it. The last period of burnout I went through, sleep was a major issue. I could not sleep, no matter what. The stress and anxiety from work would keep me up or make me have trouble falling back asleep whenever I did wake up in the middle of the night. The only answer I could come up with was to eat an edible and drink some whiskey. It helped me get sleep…

Can you share what sleep meds helped you? Are you still taking them? My primary care doctor is not a big fan of sleeping meds. He also told me they are designed for short term use.

Re: Ask HN: Burned Out. What Now?

#159

Post by tinyhouse »

haswell wrote: post #85
ohlookcake wrote: post #61

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I know why I'm burning out, but I don't know what to do with the realisation. The fear of being fired, then broke, and then not being able to survive is real-ish. Advice?

Do you feel like the realization/fear come from a rational place, or primarily driven by anxiety? Everyone’s journey is different, but depending on where that fear is coming from, I could imagine drastically different next steps. Personally, therapy has helped me immensely. A lot of my early anxiety about these things stemmed from severe imposter syndrome, and through the years I’ve gained enough confidence in myself…

How people find a good therapist these days? I contacted about 10 already and all are fully booked.

Re: Ask HN: Burned Out. What Now?

#160

Post by pbrb »

tinyhouse wrote: post #158
pbrb wrote: post #144

If you have having issues with sleep, talk to your doctor about it. The last period of burnout I went through, sleep was a major issue. I could not sleep, no matter what. The stress and anxiety from work would keep me up or make me have trouble falling back asleep whenever I did wake up in the middle of the night. The only answer I could come up with was to eat an edible and drink some whiskey. It helped me get sleep…

Can you share what sleep meds helped you? Are you still taking them? My primary care doctor is not a big fan of sleeping meds. He also told me they are designed for short term use.

Sure. Belsomra seems to work the best for me (tried another drug in this same class, and the generic of Ambien I believe). The Belsomra class of drugs block 'wake receptors' vs. making you feel tired and putting you to sleep. There's more to it than that, but that's what I was told and it seems to be accurate. The Ambien made me feel terrible the next day, and the other drug gave me a sensation in my limbs that I didn't like. Hard to explain, but it felt like heightened sensation or something like that.

Both my primary car physician and myself aren't fans of sleeping meds either, but I absolutely needed something to help me sleep at the time.

They absolutely are for short term use. I haven't needed the meds again since, but I have a prescription filled in case I experience insomnia again. If I do, I'll likely do a sleep study as well to rule out any other issues.

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