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Self-improvement is embracing your messy, imperfect life

theguardian.com

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Re: Self-improvement is embracing your messy, imperfect life

#31

Post by wheelerof4te »

Who said that my life is messy? Imprefect, for sure. But messy?

Nah. The author clearly thinks everyone lives a shitty life where he/she is being looked down on all the time. Life doesn't work that way, we aren't living in the 16th century anymore.

You pick your place in this world or someone will do it for you. Accepting your flaws is good, but you also have to accept your virtues. If you aren't aware of them, then how will other people be?

I realize that this article is written for people in first and second world countries. But for someone who lives in a third world country, "the struggles" mentioned here will be either laughable, or downright discriminatory.

Re: Self-improvement is embracing your messy, imperfect life

#33

Post by ChildOfChaos »

throwawaysea wrote: post #3

This seems like the opposite of being disciplined and actual self improvement. There’s a nuanced difference between healthily dealing with your flaws and accepting them as a way to excuse inaction. I feel like the attitude in this article is part of a greater cultural trend of justifying flaws rather than working to correct them. The “fat acceptance” or “healthy at every size” movement is similar, where healthy menta…

It depends on how you want to live your life I guess.

There are benefits from being 'disciplined' and correcting your flaws for sure.

But sometimes you just want to let go, not have your entire life be something you must do or must correct. You won't be good at everything and you will have certain bad habits and things about you and while it's good to try to improve and work on yourself, it's also bad to just live in a state where you are constantly trying to discipline yourself and improve because you are somehow not worthy of the one life you have to live and therefore have to spend it entirely trying to be someone else, someone better.

Re: Self-improvement is embracing your messy, imperfect life

#34

Post by john2010 »

throw8932894 wrote: post #26

Another title from the same "New Year" section: "Ditching the diet – how I learned to accept the body I have" with picture of morbidly obese person. I would not take anything from here seriously.

If you read carefully, the article meant that by accepting 'the hard truth' you have more chance to change. Of course one needs take it with +ve tone.

Quotes:

“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”

Paradoxically, accepting that you’re just not a confident person and you’re always going to feel a little off around other people will begin to make you feel more comfortable and less anxious around others.

Re: Self-improvement is embracing your messy, imperfect life

#35

Post by john2010 »

wheelerof4te wrote: post #31

Who said that my life is messy? Imprefect, for sure. But messy? Nah. The author clearly thinks everyone lives a shitty life where he/she is being looked down on all the time. Life doesn't work that way, we aren't living in the 16th century anymore. You pick your place in this world or someone will do it for you. Accepting your flaws is good, but you also have to accept your virtues. If you aren't aware of them, then…

If you read carefully, the article meant that by accepting 'the hard truth' you have more chance to change.

Quotes:

“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”

Paradoxically, accepting that you’re just not a confident person and you’re always going to feel a little off around other people will begin to make you feel more comfortable and less anxious around others.

Re: Self-improvement is embracing your messy, imperfect life

#36

Post by afarrell »

127 wrote: post #18
afarrell wrote: post #17

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Hard work and trauma are not the same. A good days work should leave you feeling tired, not beaten down & broken.

Pushing into the danger zone leaves you open to getting hurt. Enough doing that, and eventually you will. Avoiding pain and avoiding risk is avoiding life.

> avoiding risk is avoiding life.

True. A life well-lived requires courage. Courage in means risking trauma.

Yet if you don't distinguish between trauma and daily hard work, that sets you up to either:

A. Avoid hard work... possibly while fantasizing about overcoming trauma.

B. Create for yourself a life of trauma. This is not growth. It is just self-harm.

Re: Self-improvement is embracing your messy, imperfect life

#37

Post by wheelerof4te »

john2010 wrote: post #35
wheelerof4te wrote: post #31

Who said that my life is messy? Imprefect, for sure. But messy? Nah. The author clearly thinks everyone lives a shitty life where he/she is being looked down on all the time. Life doesn't work that way, we aren't living in the 16th century anymore. You pick your place in this world or someone will do it for you. Accepting your flaws is good, but you also have to accept your virtues. If you aren't aware of them, then…

If you read carefully, the article meant that by accepting 'the hard truth' you have more chance to change. Quotes: “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” Paradoxically, accepting that you’re just not a confident person and you’re always going to feel a little off around other people will begin to make you feel more comfortable and less anxious around others.

There is a reason why that's a paradox.

I am anxious around people who I don't trust. Accepting that will not change how I feel around them.

Re: Self-improvement is embracing your messy, imperfect life

#38

Post by machinelearning »

tomcooks wrote: post #2

I wholeheartedly disagree with this defeatist attitude, which is supposed to magically lead to change more than actually planning and actioning chance itself. Nowhere in life change happens without trauma. Get good at trauma and you'll get good at life. I suggest to learn one's own limits through suffering and systematically repeated failure. It's the only way to build not only a map of current yourself, but also a t…

Very often, the desire to change arises from experiencing major pain (of which trauma is one kind).

But this is not always the case. The impetus for change spans the spectrum of human emotions including dissatisfaction, pleasure seeking, existentialist realizations and envy/peer influence.

Trauma is definitely not a pre-requisite for change. It may be the most observable external cause to the effect, but that doesn't mean it is more useful than the rest.

The people I know who reinvent themselves the most are those driven by joie de vivre and a sense of self-expression.

Re: Self-improvement is embracing your messy, imperfect life

#39

Post by machinelearning »

solatic wrote: post #24
yesenadam wrote: post #11

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Nowhere in life change happens without trauma. I found that shocking to read. It's a million miles from my experience of life. That sounds horrible. Perhaps you've found it true, but please stop saying it like it's true for everyone, a fact of life. I can't even imagine how you could believe such a thing, well, it works for you or something, I guess. Also, saying that then complaining in the same breath that someon…

I think you're responding to the use of the word trauma. OP is correct, but perhaps OP should have used a different word. We don't make progress unless we take risks and move outside of our comfort zone. Sometimes, those risks don't pay off, and the result is painful in some way. Maybe that pain is "traumatic", maybe not. Certainly, if the risks don't pay off, then we need to be willing to live with the painful resul…

Moving outside of your comfort zone is not inherently painful. Sure it may be uncomfortable or scary but it certainly doesn't imply trauma. I interpreted OP's comments as trauma being the causative factor for change to occur, not that change results in trauma.

"Fully accepting the costs and risks needed to get there" sounds like you're preparing for a hike to the antarctic or something. Not all changes have to be this dire.

Deciding to get fit is not really a sacrifice. Rather, it is turning certain disciplines into habits. If you have enough leverage to force you to do that, there is no pain or trauma involved.

Re: Self-improvement is embracing your messy, imperfect life

#40

Post by blackbrokkoli »

Honestly, if I learned one thing about self-transformation it is that it's quite personal, so I don't want to call the author wrong per se, but the article does not reflect my experience at all.

The times when I experienced the most drastically successful change when I realized that there really is nothing stopping me from entirely changing my identity and self if I so desired.

Obviously, this only works for things actually intrinsic (you cannot hit your target weight over night, but you very much can be a person who cares about their body starting right now and never go back) but holy shit, if you actually believe in your ability to do this, it is god damn effective.

Again there are shitty strategies for this (extrinsic goals, perfectionism, diet books, goals without systems) and it requires a healthy foundation of internal self-confidence that might take half a lifetime to build, but I still don't see the kind of defeatist attitude of the article helping anyone.

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