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Ask HN: How do I get over constant failure?

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Re: Ask HN: How do I get over constant failure?

#101

Post by necheffa »

cardosof wrote: post #26
vijucat wrote: post #6

Possibly unpopular advice on HN, but stop joining startups. Idiosyncratic-Culture Risk is off the charts for startups. Join more stable firms with a more "boring" but predictable culture where things get delivered every Sprint, everyone gets paid well, there is no Mountain Dew being guzzled at 8 pm in the office to meet some deadline, weekends are truly off, and your mental health actually recovers. Your dream jobs a…

I'm going to get downvoted to minus infinity but let me say this: consider also less techy firms. Or, companies that do have technology but aren't tech. I have some friends having a blast working with agriculture, there's lots of technology involved, but it's as far away from the stereotypical startup culture as you can get.

I have to say, as someone working in a stable non-tech company, it isn't all roses and unicorns. The code base is absolutely awful, mainly because a lot of non-technical people have hacked it together. And there is never time or money to attempt some kind of cleanup.

It gets exhausting having to repeatedly say "we are going over budget due to unforseen complications as a direct result of low quality code".

It gets exhausting having to constantly rework solutions to fit the boneheaded design decisions made with zero forward thinking.

Re: Ask HN: How do I get over constant failure?

#102

Post by rkk3 »

burnoutgal wrote: post #87
rkk3 wrote: post #81

> How do I get over constant failure? Constant failure? You are highly compensated and have a mortgage for a house, presumably in a very high cost of living area. It seems like you are an insecure overachiever and need to reframe things. > My manager left a few weeks after I started, my onboarding buddy has been absent, and the fear has started creeping in again that I'm alone and can't hack it in this high performin…

Having a mortgage isn't an accomplishment, it's a liability. It would be expensive and stressful to downsize our biggest expense, and unexpected repairs blew a huge hole in our household budget. I'm well-compensated for now, but how long can I realistically keep it up? The team hasn't done a great job supporting me, but they deliver on their commitments and the individual team members are extremely competent.

> unexpected repairs blew a huge hole in our household budget.

Yeah that's unfortunate, and maintenance & repairs can cancel out some of the price appreciation as well. But in general it sounds like you are doing extremely well personally and professionally and are going out of your way to tell yourself stories about how things are going wrong.

> The team hasn't done a great job supporting me, but they deliver on their commitments and the individual team members are extremely competent.

Your lack of onboarding reflects extremely poorly on them & their process, not yourself. They made let's say at this point an 100k investment in you with what sounds like zero visibility & process.

> I'm well-compensated for now, but how long can I realistically keep it up?

I would probably just start looking for another job, "dream jobs" aren't always what they are cut out to be and there is no reason to tie yourself to this one. They will not be so sentimental.

Re: Ask HN: How do I get over constant failure?

#103

Post by jgwil2 »

burnoutgal wrote: post #75
jgwil2 wrote: post #62

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think there are jobs in the industry that are both well-compensated and not a major source of stress. Google is widely known for both high comp and a relaxed work environment, for example. I think maybe you just haven't found a job that has the right balance for you yet. I would say to follow others' advice on how to adapt to your new job but also don't be too hard on yourself if you can't make it work because some…

The suggestion of going to Google seems so laughable - I really wanted this role and ground out a bunch of leetcode problems to pass their screening, and barely made it. I'm not really into memorizing algorithms and data structures, I don't think I would do well at a FAANG. Ironically, almost all of my coworkers are from FAANGs

Not suggesting Google per se. Obviously it's not easy to get in. I'm just holding that up as an example of a place that has high comp and low stress and I don't think it's the only such place out there that meets those requirements. I would imagine there are a lot of lower prestige companies that fit that description as well.

Re: Ask HN: How do I get over constant failure?

#104

Post by fourthark »

burnoutgal wrote: post #95
lazyant wrote: post #52

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Don't compare yourself to (selected, "successful") other people, compare yourself with the other possible selfs in different multiverses, how many of those for ex didn't take any risks and are in a worse position? Also, this is more for maybe a professional therapist that for me but it looks to me that your definition of "failure" is unhealthy or too hard on yourself? sorry for the assumption but you are probably wor…

I have a therapist, but sometimes it can be difficult to talk through these things with someone who doesn't know the field or the ground truth. My big stressor is that I have hit the jackpot, and where do I go from here? So many people I know have settled into a comfortable groove, but work is by far the biggest stressor in my life, it's ruining my health, and I don't really have a path out. Continually churning appl…

“Don’t blame yourself for the dysfunction of your organization” - good advice which I have trouble following myself.

Re: Ask HN: How do I get over constant failure?

#105

Post by seanw444 »

cardosof wrote: post #26
vijucat wrote: post #6

Possibly unpopular advice on HN, but stop joining startups. Idiosyncratic-Culture Risk is off the charts for startups. Join more stable firms with a more "boring" but predictable culture where things get delivered every Sprint, everyone gets paid well, there is no Mountain Dew being guzzled at 8 pm in the office to meet some deadline, weekends are truly off, and your mental health actually recovers. Your dream jobs a…

I'm going to get downvoted to minus infinity but let me say this: consider also less techy firms. Or, companies that do have technology but aren't tech. I have some friends having a blast working with agriculture, there's lots of technology involved, but it's as far away from the stereotypical startup culture as you can get.

I think this was the solution for me. I'm working mostly as a solo dev at the moment, on the codebase that automates the production systems of a manufacturing company. I'm totally comfortable with everything here, except for lower than normal pay. Work is actually something to semi look forward to.

My previous job was Generic Startup 7,923™ with a company-provided snack table, and company-provided lunches once every week. The other devs there were decent people. My boss certainly expected too much though. Now I know what not to look for in a job.

Re: Ask HN: How do I get over constant failure?

#106

Post by burnoutgal »

legerdemain wrote: post #99
burnoutgal wrote: post #94

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I've commented elsewhere, but this is a >1000 person company where deployments are owned by a dedicated team. There's a lot of technical debt involved, but my team is pretty far removed from it, and there is also necessary complexity. Dropping in and proposing a new process isn't really feasible.

I'll just come out and ask: is this literally Palantir?

It is not. As many people have pointed out, this seems to be a ubiquitous pattern in high growth companies that I assumed was unique to my last big startup

Re: Ask HN: How do I get over constant failure?

#107

Post by xboxnolifes »

cj wrote: post #74
multjoy wrote: post #67

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Is a company that's been in business for five years with a staff really a start-up?

People were calling Uber a startup as late as their IPO. I think the distinction has more to do with the culture / vision of the company than just company age.

It feels like the term startup has become synonymous with "large growth potential" and not "young company".

Re: Ask HN: How do I get over constant failure?

#109

Post by MichaelRazum »

I can speak from experience. I did join once to a team, that was really some levels above me. BUT basically the only thing that helps is to actually work on something. Just ask the team for work.

Of course the best would be for you to do something together with a senior. If there is someone who likes to help, this is your guy.

In my case I think they thought, that this would only slow them down and there wasn't a "nice helper" guy there. So I did my best. It wasn't really good, BUT it was something that could be worked on. After that a lot of help came from the team, because it was kind of useful and later a central component.

Re: Ask HN: How do I get over constant failure?

#110

Post by nurettin »

Two steps to success:

1. Set up a local development environment. (what I call "setting up shop")

2. Read the source. Understand all of it. Debug it. Take it to dinner. Read it at bedtime, coffee time, sexy time. Don't wait for "buddy" to come teach you.

If you are too tired/unmotivated/unable to do those things, just rethink your career. If you do those things, congrats you are a hacker so what exactly is the problem?

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