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Ask HN: My boss doesn't think I'm doing good work, how to proceed?

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Re: Ask HN: My boss doesn't think I'm doing good work, how to proceed?

#481

Post by scotty79 »

World is not fair. People expect it to be. That expectation seriously harms them in nearly all instances.

Listen to criticism, extract from it anything that you think might guide you to any sort of improvement. Ignore the rest of it as if in was never uttered. Don't dwell on where it came from and never think about whether it was just or unjust. It doesn't matter.

Don't develop any emotional relationship with your bosses and your place of work. You are there only to earn money and learn things. If those two things happen everything is as good as it needs to be. Disassociate yourself from any drama even if it is about you. Value of your work is increase in your bank account balance and new things you can put in your CV. Your work has no value beyond that.

Work is not a place to make respectful friends. Especially among your superiors.

Re: Ask HN: My boss doesn't think I'm doing good work, how to proceed?

#482

Post by unionpivo »

confidantlake wrote: post #480
rendall wrote: post #476

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I can assure you there is nothing "cutesy" about mental health You misread what I wrote, and then got angry about what you imagined I wrote. Usually I don't explain myself to strangers on the internet, since people who angrily misread also usually angrily double down, but here goes. In the US, it is frowned upon to take a scheduled day off just to relax, outside of your annual 2 weeks of vacation. So you call in "s…

Apologize for misreading you and getting frustrated. I appreciate the explanation. I hope you can understand where I am coming from. If I am anxious or depressed, going outside into nature or to the beach would help me tremendously. Much more so than sitting at home. How anxious and depressed do I have to be before it flips from "relaxing" to "legit"? At my job I get x vacation days and y sick days. If I feel I unwel…

You get as many sick day's as you need, but if it longer than 2 (or maybe 3 I forgot) days, you need note from doctor.

> If I am anxious or depressed, going outside into nature or to the beach would help me tremendously.

If you are feeling that semi regularly, you might be on your way to a burnout or actually experiencing one.

Re: Ask HN: My boss doesn't think I'm doing good work, how to proceed?

#483

Post by scotty79 »

brandon272 wrote: post #129

I would have an honest conversation with your manager about the meeting that you had with the manager's manager. Be plain and tell them that it made you uncomfortable and confused given your contributions to the project and the fact that you hadn't heard any negative feedback prior. Their response could be one of many. They could say that the boss is an asshole and just overreacted. They could say, "Actually, they we…

That's a terrible advice. Smart people avoid entangling their emotions into their work.

If somebody is pissed at you at work, filter information out of it, discard all emotions, from information discard all information that is not actionable for you then move on.

Don't engage into emotional layer, don't seek emotional allies. Don't expect people will behave in just and responsible manner. It should be sufficient if they are predictable. People never change, they just become more so.

Re: Ask HN: My boss doesn't think I'm doing good work, how to proceed?

#484

Post by scotty79 »

jaeming wrote: post #438

A lot of a manager's job IMO is to shield his devs from this kind of deadline pressure and negativity. In the past I've worked under some managers that explicitly told me take my time and get it right and not worry about the deadline. After shipping one of those I later found out that the product manager was so upset with the delay that he was about to call a huge war-room and start micro-managing the project himself…

> A lot of a manager's job IMO is to shield his devs from this kind of deadline pressure and negativity.

No. It's to shield upper management from consequences of their crassness. That kind of negativity pisses off the devs and they end up either quitting, sometimes on the spot or seriously underperforming while lining up another job. Either way it's the company that pays for these unfortunate negative exchanges.

Re: Ask HN: My boss doesn't think I'm doing good work, how to proceed?

#485

Post by rendall »

confidantlake wrote: post #480
rendall wrote: post #476

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I can assure you there is nothing "cutesy" about mental health You misread what I wrote, and then got angry about what you imagined I wrote. Usually I don't explain myself to strangers on the internet, since people who angrily misread also usually angrily double down, but here goes. In the US, it is frowned upon to take a scheduled day off just to relax, outside of your annual 2 weeks of vacation. So you call in "s…

Apologize for misreading you and getting frustrated. I appreciate the explanation. I hope you can understand where I am coming from. If I am anxious or depressed, going outside into nature or to the beach would help me tremendously. Much more so than sitting at home. How anxious and depressed do I have to be before it flips from "relaxing" to "legit"? At my job I get x vacation days and y sick days. If I feel I unwel…

I agree, confidentlake. You should be able to take time off of work to relax if you need. And, if the only outlet the US culture allows is to call in sick, then there's nothing wrong with doing that!

Re: Ask HN: My boss doesn't think I'm doing good work, how to proceed?

#486

Post by benhurmarcel »

Nbox9 wrote: post #350
dbcurtis wrote: post #279

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I have a theory about why it is so difficult for great IC's to make the jump to being a great manager. As an individual contributor, you need two things most of all: 1. quiet uninterrupted time to focus your mind and get into flow, and 2. quick responses to any blockers or questions that you have so that you can get back into the work. As a manager, a key part of your job now requires you to be infinitely interruptab…

> I have a theory about why it is so difficult for great IC's to make the jump to being a great manager I find it very odd that most ICs take the path of management. This seems like an unnatural transition, like going from being a minister to playing in a death metal band.

In many industries that’s the fastest and best way to get paid well.

Re: Ask HN: My boss doesn't think I'm doing good work, how to proceed?

#487

Post by rendall »

arka2147483647 wrote: post #388
DangitBobby wrote: post #344

Earlier quoted context omitted.

So far the companies I've worked at don't have "vacation" or "sick" days, they have "paid time off" (which is really great if you're healthy and really shitty if you're not).

Atleast in Finland there is a clear, legal, distiction between vacation and sick days. They are not exchangeable in any way.

Exactly. You can be out legitimately sick for 2 weeks, and then take a full vacation!

That's why it's such a breach of trust here to take a sick day in order to relax. A sick day is to recover from illness.

Re: Ask HN: My boss doesn't think I'm doing good work, how to proceed?

#488

Post by confidantlake »

unionpivo wrote: post #482
confidantlake wrote: post #480

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Apologize for misreading you and getting frustrated. I appreciate the explanation. I hope you can understand where I am coming from. If I am anxious or depressed, going outside into nature or to the beach would help me tremendously. Much more so than sitting at home. How anxious and depressed do I have to be before it flips from "relaxing" to "legit"? At my job I get x vacation days and y sick days. If I feel I unwel…

You get as many sick day's as you need, but if it longer than 2 (or maybe 3 I forgot) days, you need note from doctor. > If I am anxious or depressed, going outside into nature or to the beach would help me tremendously. If you are feeling that semi regularly, you might be on your way to a burnout or actually experiencing one.

Oh yeah absolutely feeling that. 2 weeks of vacation for years on end has done that to me. Planning on interviewing and trying to get a start date as far out as I can. (maybe 3 months or even 6 months if they are ok with that).

Re: Ask HN: My boss doesn't think I'm doing good work, how to proceed?

#489

Post by HWR_14 »

nlh wrote: post #314
HWR_14 wrote: post #278

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I agree my second example was poor. The intention was "should have" would be used when you had an optional, not imperative, future choice. "If you thought something was wrong, you should have (implicit or explicit) felt free to call me and escalate it." And (upon reflection) I don't think it really expresses that at all. I still feel like "If you needed a mental health day yesterday you should have taken one" can be…

All good! I hope my respectful disagreement came across that way (and not combative). I appreciate this exchange.

It totally came across as a non-combative (and friendly/respectful) disagreement.

Re: Ask HN: My boss doesn't think I'm doing good work, how to proceed?

#490

Post by silasb »

Being surprised by this convo probably means your manager did a poor job of communicating (or you did a poor job of listening to what your manager was saying).

You should be having biweekly (or better yet weekly) 1 on 1s with your boss. For the most part, you shouldn't be surprised by things if you have a good rapport with your manager.

I think you'll be fine, but be sure to communicate things with your boss as soon as they come up. Also, don't just come to your boss with problems, but bring solutions as well.

If you have a tech lead on your team try building a rapport with them as well. They'll be busy, but they'll ideally be in a position where many of their goals will be mentoring based. Leverage this to learn about the projects, company, and the culture.

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