I would also chime in on the suggestion to find a new group of friends. I stopped my casual drinking when I became a father. I could not stand the thought that my kid sees me wasted. With that a lot of socially awkward issues started. Mainly with team events or at company parties. When all people around you start to slur and get funny. I have no real fun at these parties anymore. That’s one reason I kept them short and leave when I see that the majority of people get wasted.
Ask HN: How do you have fun without alcohol?
131–140 of 208 posts
Re: Ask HN: How do you have fun without alcohol?
#132You need a new group of friends, firstly. It sucks to say, but people who need to drink to have fun will always drag you along that path. It doesn't matter if it's a night on the town, or a board game night, they will always want booze around. Also, they will probably pressure you to drink, because that's what gives them permission to. So find new people who don't drink. Do the normal things you would do, but without…
>You need a new group of friends, firstly. This is absolutely horrible advice. Alienating yourself from all of your friends simply because you don't want to drink the same things as them is not a good idea. If you don't want alcohol, then just don't drink it? I have been to many, many, many music festivals, parties, etc. and not drank anything. I can't imagine just exiling myself from all of my friends instead of sim…
No it's not. That's one of the first things they teach you for addiction treatment - get rid of the old things that trigger you...
Re: Ask HN: How do you have fun without alcohol?
#133Play.
Games (video games, board games, ttrpgs, etc), books, climbing, etc!
Just because I can be responsible doesn't mean I had to lose the ability to enjoy things like a child would. Just.. a little more mature.
Buy a sword and a bunch of watermelon and have a real life fruit ninja cookout!
Be silly and embrace it!
Re: Ask HN: How do you have fun without alcohol?
#134Addiction is a medical problem. Consider getting help from a medical professional. In the US, Alcohol Use Disorder is part of the DSM-5.
You didn't always have access to alcohol. Ask yourself, how did you have fun before you started drinking? What of those things still sounds fun to you? Are your current set of friends the type of people that will do those things with you without alcohol?
EDIT: In the US, recovery and rehab centers are virtually unregulated. Many are known for being terrible and being scams. I have none to recommend. See a reputable doctor on how to recover. Consider getting a second and third opinion if they recommend a recovery/rehab center.
Re: Ask HN: How do you have fun without alcohol?
#135Drink tea instead. In the Gulf countries, there are many cafes that serve Chai/Karak tea and people socialize while drinking it.
Re: Ask HN: How do you have fun without alcohol?
#136Earlier quoted context omitted.
OP explicitly calls his friends (and himself) an alcoholic. That implies a different dynamic than simply a group of friends who goes out and has a couple of drinks. Finding a new group of friends in that sort of situation is absolutely the correct move. Addicts do not let other addicts quit.
OP said "all my friends are alcoholic" not "all my friends are alcoholics". I read that as: all of my friends drink alcohol, not all of my friends are addicted to alcohol. If OP and all of his friends are alcohol addicted, then yeah: that's a medical problem and my advice doesn't apply, which I already said.
Among primary English speakers, “alcoholic” almost always refers to abusive drinking.
I can’t imagine using “alcoholic” to describe people who consume alcohol in moderation. And I am around a lot of teetotalers.
Re: Ask HN: How do you have fun without alcohol?
#137I think you’re asking the wrong questions. What you’re dealing with is social anxiety - that’s what you want to deal with not source of fun.
Re: Ask HN: How do you have fun without alcohol?
#138You're 23 and a lot of 23 year olds like to drink. It was that way when I was 23 and it will probably be like that as long as alcohol is something people drink. It's fine in moderation a couple of times a week. Most people aren't sitting around in a dark room drinking quietly, they're somewhere chatting, playing a game or just enjoying a night out someplace with other young people. You can do still do that, just reduce or eliminate the alcohol and don't make a big deal out of it.
As you get a little bit older you'll see alcohol consumption in your social circles will naturally wind down to something more reasonable as people start to accumulate more responsibility and hangovers seem to do a bit more damage than they used to.
But honestly, unless alcohol is severely affecting your life, I wouldn't worry about it. I hardly drink now in my 30s but in my 20s I'll admit I had to call into a work a handful of times over the years because I had over-imbibed on a weeknight.
Re: Ask HN: How do you have fun without alcohol?
#139Lot of great comments here, but one I haven't see yet is AA. It may not be right for everyone, but it has helped many people. My other suggestions would be to tell someone you love what you are dealing with and try and find a therapist. Good luck.
Sober 8 years through it. A big big help.
So great to hear. Stay strong.
Re: Ask HN: How do you have fun without alcohol?
#140If you want to try an alternative, you can give Kava a shot - it'll make you feel relaxed but mentally clear. The downside of Kava is that it tastes terrible and you have to pee all the time.