121–130 of 208 posts
Lot of great comments here, but one I haven't see yet is AA. It may not be right for everyone, but it has helped many people. My other suggestions would be to tell someone you love what you are dealing with and try and find a therapist. Good luck.
You need a new group of friends, firstly. It sucks to say, but people who need to drink to have fun will always drag you along that path. It doesn't matter if it's a night on the town, or a board game night, they will always want booze around. Also, they will probably pressure you to drink, because that's what gives them permission to. So find new people who don't drink. Do the normal things you would do, but without…
>You need a new group of friends, firstly. This is absolutely horrible advice. Alienating yourself from all of your friends simply because you don't want to drink the same things as them is not a good idea. If you don't want alcohol, then just don't drink it? I have been to many, many, many music festivals, parties, etc. and not drank anything. I can't imagine just exiling myself from all of my friends instead of sim…
I don't read the advice as "remove all your support framework, friends, and family and go at it alone". I read it as "find supportive people who can enable your goal".
For me, it's absolutely trivial to not drink or not smoke in groups of friends. But that's because I'm NOT a drinker and I'm not a smoker.
For anybody I know who IS a drinker or a smoker, casual or hard-core, the social aspect is absolutely pervasive and can be brutal in trying to quit. If one is not a drinker or smoker they may have a hard time fully empathizing / understanding how hard it can be to be around others who not only partake, but see it as critical focal part of activities.
I miss the days when couples would pay board cards / cards at someone home.
It's honestly hard, and the first year or two won't be great. Boardgames and cafes are boring as fuck compared to getting drunk. Sure, rafting and cycling and other examples might fill up a Sunday afternoon, but they don't work for Friday night.
Over time you adjust. I've made a few friends that don't drink. I have others that I can go out with and they don't mind me not drinking.
At some point you realize that you won't be having as much fun as getting drunk. But your life will be better in other aspects, and that will make it worth it.
Find new friends then, that's not true friendship. I mostly do gaming, solo or with my friends, spend my time with girlfriend doing all sort of stuff, or spend time with friends or family. Also have 3 cats and I have a lot of fun playing with them.
Honestly I never rarely see my friends without drinking: I'm just not particularly interested in socializing unless I'm buzzed. But it works out great, I drink one night a week and hang out with people and then am not distracted the rest of the week and can work.
- Learn badminton or volleyball or any group sport.
- Play regularly with the group
- Have a lot of sport/get tired/have tournaments internally within your group
I distinctly remember a situation where we were out drinking at a bar and an acquaintance of one of the drinkers joined us. They refrained from drinking and socialized with us sober. After they left, I remember remarking to my friends how "people who don't drink make me nervous".
Almost instantly I realized how bizarre that statement was and how much it said about the point I had reached with drinking. It's always stuck with me.
After a number of incidents and wakeup calls, I reduced my drinking considerably over time.
I still drink, but I drink a lot less. And one way I've defined success in controlling that drinking is that it is no longer an "absolute requirement". I'm happy to be around people who aren't drinking, and happy to not be drinking myself. There's empowerment to going to a social event, making the decision not to drink and being perfectly content with that decision!
I've also learned to be happy feeling healthy. I never felt good when I was drinking. My body wasn't happy with me. I love now being able to go home after a social engagement and wake up the following day feeling refreshed because I didn't have 5+ pints the night before.
The point I hope to make with this, is that in your current state it seems like there is no fun without alcohol. But nothing could be further from the truth. You are trapped in a mental model driven by your alcohol habits and if you give it a chance, you will notice that you can be happy and fulfilled without drinking.