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Loving Someone with Depression

mentalhealth.org.uk

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Re: Loving Someone with Depression

#111

Post by kindadepressing »

rubicon33 wrote: post #91
kindadepressing wrote: post #80

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Hey, thanks for your response. It’s heartening to see someone who cares for the well-being of strangers. Not to be even more of a downer, but… I feel like I’m running out of options. I’ve tried Zoloft, Celexa, Lexapro, Effexor, and Remeron, prescribed by 3 different doctors. I’ve seen 6 different therapists. I’m extremely privileged to say that I’m currently seeing a Stanford PhD out-of-network weekly. I’ve heavily e…

It really does pain me to know that anyone, including yourself, suffers with depression. It's an illness which I would not wish onto even my worst enemy, because of how cruel it really is. You are living life, but you are not truly alive. Depression kills you day by day. I'm sorry that none of the treatments have worked for you. I can understand how that leaves you feeling very little hope. It may provide some comfor…

Your empathy warms my heart. I appreciate the advice. It’s valid, and it makes a ton of sense to frame it in terms of “life and death”. It’s interesting, I was recently talking with my therapist about “my people” and commented on how I feel like I don’t have any people; that I don’t belong anywhere. You’re right that I owe it to myself to improve this part of my life. (You’re also right that I recoil at the thought of “work”, haha)

I hope you won’t think I’m a creep for this: I clicked on your profile and noticed you left a comment on the Stanford SAINT trials that were posted here a few days ago. I remember reading your comment and the thread it spawned. That post was actually what put TMS on my mind. (I also emailed the group asking to be a part of future studies.)

I’m really sorry to hear that you’ve been dealing with this much longer than I have. I read about those who have been suffering for decades and it always makes me feel a strange combination of empathy and astonishment. From that earlier thread, it sounds like we have some similar experiences. I too lack the “kick” to do basic tasks. I have so many questions. Is this something you still deal with? Have you found some treatment that works? How have you kept going after 20 years? A question I’ve been grappling with: how does one distinguish between “depression” and “laziness”?

Btw, since this thread is getting long, I thought I would drop an email in case you (or some other reader) were interested in chatting later: hackernewsthrowaway@fastmail.com

Re: Loving Someone with Depression

#112

Post by sudosteph »

kindadepressing wrote: post #80
rubicon33 wrote: post #58

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Hey there... As someone who is now in their mid 30's, but whos depression started in their early 20s, let me beg you - do not wait to get treatment. It won't go away, and it will take years from you. Don't let it take what should be some of the best years of your life. If you don't approach depression as a disease that needs treatment, then you will resist doing anything about it and it will silently suck the joy out…

Hey, thanks for your response. It’s heartening to see someone who cares for the well-being of strangers. Not to be even more of a downer, but… I feel like I’m running out of options. I’ve tried Zoloft, Celexa, Lexapro, Effexor, and Remeron, prescribed by 3 different doctors. I’ve seen 6 different therapists. I’m extremely privileged to say that I’m currently seeing a Stanford PhD out-of-network weekly. I’ve heavily e…

Tune me out if this doesn't resonate with you, but what you're describing, does it feel like it could have a spiritual component? Is it a sense of total, overwhelming hopelessness, but a rational one, based on existence as you can understand it?

I spent a long time in a state like that, with suicidality and all. In retrospect it was a total "poverty of spirit", and I had to accept a drastically different understanding of myself and existence altogether to move past it. But it was necessary for me to experience it to do that, and I can truly say I am changed for the better. All this is a roundabout way to say, that accepting the idea of total depravity, and realizing that the all-encompassing hopelessness that springs from that state of being is completely valid, was surprisingly helpful to me, at least. I still had to find hope somewhere else (or in someone else to be specific), but doing so did help in a way medicine didn't (for me).

Re: Loving Someone with Depression

#113

Post by okareaman »

bigyikes wrote: post #26
okareaman wrote: post #10

My own major debilating depression was such that I couldn't get out of bed other than to use the toilet. Worse than that I could see no reason to get out of bed and didn't care to get out of bed. Taking a shower and getting dressed was out of the question. I knew the strain I was causing in my family, but since I didn't feel anything, I couldn't feel enough empathy for them to do anything about it. I knew I used to l…

Did you always know it was bipolar depression? If not, what eventually made you realize it was bipolar depression and not major depression?

I started having my suspicions after I read what I consider the best book about the bipolar experience called "The Loony Bin Trip" by the late Kate Millet. She got more manic than I but eventually I got more depressed than she. Interviews with psychiatrists are where it was diagnosed. It's helpful before those interviews to think back about periods of childhood when you felt really disconnected and out of it and then the times you had long periods of a really good mood. Then relay those experiences to the pdoc honestly and let them tell you what they think. It's important not to tell them what you think they want to hear or bend the truth so you get a "trendy" diagnosis. Even if you think you're story is boring and you feel you have to punch it up, resist that urge. Just tell them like it is and they might surprise you with a correct diagnosis that you never heard of or never expected. You can't get treated right until you get honest, and this includes about drug and alcohol consumption.

Re: Loving Someone with Depression

#114

Post by ativzzz »

kindadepressing wrote: post #80
rubicon33 wrote: post #58

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Hey there... As someone who is now in their mid 30's, but whos depression started in their early 20s, let me beg you - do not wait to get treatment. It won't go away, and it will take years from you. Don't let it take what should be some of the best years of your life. If you don't approach depression as a disease that needs treatment, then you will resist doing anything about it and it will silently suck the joy out…

Hey, thanks for your response. It’s heartening to see someone who cares for the well-being of strangers. Not to be even more of a downer, but… I feel like I’m running out of options. I’ve tried Zoloft, Celexa, Lexapro, Effexor, and Remeron, prescribed by 3 different doctors. I’ve seen 6 different therapists. I’m extremely privileged to say that I’m currently seeing a Stanford PhD out-of-network weekly. I’ve heavily e…

> Part of me wonders if I have what your sibling commenter describes as “congruent depression” — depression which is expected given the circumstances of one’s life.

I have a similar issue. It's a chicken/egg question. Is depression causing the struggles I'm going through, or are the struggles causing depression?

I've done a lot of self exploration recently through a bunch of different therapists and have been diagnosed with ADHD. My original theory after learning this was that the ADHD caused my depression, especially because I noticed that during periods when I wasn't depressed, I still had issues with executive function.

However really inconsistent results from ADHD medication make me question my theory. Maybe the depression is so pervasive that even when I'm not feeling depressed, the habits and thought patterns that I'm so accustomed to stifle me even though I'm no longer in the depression cloud. Maybe heavy internet/gaming/porn use for 20 years combined with a lack of good habits has just created an addiction to stimulation and set me up for failure in general. Maybe the asocial digital lifestyle I lead is just completely against my nature and I need to go be a high school teacher instead of a software engineer (but I think a high income is too important in the US for a comfortable life). Maybe I just need to start believing in God and let Jesus take the wheel.

> I’m not living. There is no joy. And I can see, very slowly, the damage which is being done.

I've heard multiple times that people with untreated ADHD have shorter life spans due to increased risk of suicide and stress-related health problems (I assume this applies to all mental disorders). The problem is that all mental health disorders are on a spectrum and that no one solution can fit everyone. I don't really have a solution for myself, and I wouldn't be surprised if I die "early".

Speaking of TMS, a new depression treatment out of stanford has come out recently that sounds similar (i don't really know the details of either): https://med.stanford.edu/news/all-news/2021/10/depression-tr...

Re: Loving Someone with Depression

#115

Post by ativzzz »

sudosteph wrote: post #112
kindadepressing wrote: post #80

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Hey, thanks for your response. It’s heartening to see someone who cares for the well-being of strangers. Not to be even more of a downer, but… I feel like I’m running out of options. I’ve tried Zoloft, Celexa, Lexapro, Effexor, and Remeron, prescribed by 3 different doctors. I’ve seen 6 different therapists. I’m extremely privileged to say that I’m currently seeing a Stanford PhD out-of-network weekly. I’ve heavily e…

Tune me out if this doesn't resonate with you, but what you're describing, does it feel like it could have a spiritual component? Is it a sense of total, overwhelming hopelessness, but a rational one, based on existence as you can understand it? I spent a long time in a state like that, with suicidality and all. In retrospect it was a total "poverty of spirit", and I had to accept a drastically different understandin…

Did you turn to organized religion? I find that I don't really believe in anything enough (not just religion) to be a spiritual person. How did you develop a spiritual component?

Re: Loving Someone with Depression

#116

Post by kindadepressing »

sudosteph wrote: post #112
kindadepressing wrote: post #80

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Hey, thanks for your response. It’s heartening to see someone who cares for the well-being of strangers. Not to be even more of a downer, but… I feel like I’m running out of options. I’ve tried Zoloft, Celexa, Lexapro, Effexor, and Remeron, prescribed by 3 different doctors. I’ve seen 6 different therapists. I’m extremely privileged to say that I’m currently seeing a Stanford PhD out-of-network weekly. I’ve heavily e…

Tune me out if this doesn't resonate with you, but what you're describing, does it feel like it could have a spiritual component? Is it a sense of total, overwhelming hopelessness, but a rational one, based on existence as you can understand it? I spent a long time in a state like that, with suicidality and all. In retrospect it was a total "poverty of spirit", and I had to accept a drastically different understandin…

Actually, yes, it does feel like it could have a spiritual component. As a child I was a reluctant Christian. I’ve described myself as an atheist starting when I was 11 or so. Since experimenting with psychedelics, I now describe myself as an agnostic. I have a sense that there is some greater entity out there, but I have zero confidence that it resembles any human god.

I attended a Christian church service a couple of weeks ago, for the first time in over a decade. It was an odd feeling. On one hand, I felt a bit like I was in a cult meeting and I was totally disillusioned. On the other hand, after talking with people there, many of them seemed to describe a “void” in their life which was filled by religion. I can feel a void like that in myself. Maybe this is the “poverty of spirit” you describe? Still, while I agree with many Christian teachings, I don’t think anybody could convert me into a believer.

I feel the all-encompassing hopelessness; the nihilism. Nothing matters. There might be consequences of my death, but ultimately those consequences don’t matter.

If I thought anything mattered, maybe I would think I matter.

I am very curious to hear more about your experience. I have to admit I’m having trouble understanding your solution.

Re: Loving Someone with Depression

#117

Post by Datagenerator »

istorical wrote: post #84

I wonder when fecal microbiome transplant will be the next 'just try psilocybin / ketamine' and if it will work well. Find a happy friend and freeze some of their poop, put it in gelcap, swallow it. See if it fixes the eternal sad.

This made me almost smile, thanks c:

Re: Loving Someone with Depression

#118

Post by [deleted] »

kindadepressing wrote: post #80
rubicon33 wrote: post #58

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Hey there... As someone who is now in their mid 30's, but whos depression started in their early 20s, let me beg you - do not wait to get treatment. It won't go away, and it will take years from you. Don't let it take what should be some of the best years of your life. If you don't approach depression as a disease that needs treatment, then you will resist doing anything about it and it will silently suck the joy out…

Hey, thanks for your response. It’s heartening to see someone who cares for the well-being of strangers. Not to be even more of a downer, but… I feel like I’m running out of options. I’ve tried Zoloft, Celexa, Lexapro, Effexor, and Remeron, prescribed by 3 different doctors. I’ve seen 6 different therapists. I’m extremely privileged to say that I’m currently seeing a Stanford PhD out-of-network weekly. I’ve heavily e…

[deleted]

Re: Loving Someone with Depression

#119

Post by jwmoz »

kindadepressing wrote: post #80
rubicon33 wrote: post #58

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Hey there... As someone who is now in their mid 30's, but whos depression started in their early 20s, let me beg you - do not wait to get treatment. It won't go away, and it will take years from you. Don't let it take what should be some of the best years of your life. If you don't approach depression as a disease that needs treatment, then you will resist doing anything about it and it will silently suck the joy out…

Hey, thanks for your response. It’s heartening to see someone who cares for the well-being of strangers. Not to be even more of a downer, but… I feel like I’m running out of options. I’ve tried Zoloft, Celexa, Lexapro, Effexor, and Remeron, prescribed by 3 different doctors. I’ve seen 6 different therapists. I’m extremely privileged to say that I’m currently seeing a Stanford PhD out-of-network weekly. I’ve heavily e…

Join a gym, martial arts gym etc.

Re: Loving Someone with Depression

#120

Post by kingkawn »

azalemeth wrote: post #27
khazhoux wrote: post #24

A bit surprised no one's broached this question: At what point is it OK to leave your depressed partner? I know someone who left his depressed spouse of over 25 years. He loved her and tried to make it work, but eventually chose happiness for himself, for the second half of his life. He left her alone and essentially friendless. No easy answers there.

I did this. It was, by far, the hardest decision of my life. Years later I still silently feel guilty beyond anything and wonder deeply if it was the right choice. The reaction of my friends, parents and colleagues was something along the lines of "at last!" as they only saw me as a martyr who always "compromised" and put up with large costs, financially, emotionally, and with no reward other than being yelled at a l…

You did the right thing.
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