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Loving Someone with Depression

mentalhealth.org.uk

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Re: Loving Someone with Depression

#31

Post by ceedan »

azalemeth wrote: post #27
khazhoux wrote: post #24

A bit surprised no one's broached this question: At what point is it OK to leave your depressed partner? I know someone who left his depressed spouse of over 25 years. He loved her and tried to make it work, but eventually chose happiness for himself, for the second half of his life. He left her alone and essentially friendless. No easy answers there.

I did this. It was, by far, the hardest decision of my life. Years later I still silently feel guilty beyond anything and wonder deeply if it was the right choice. The reaction of my friends, parents and colleagues was something along the lines of "at last!" as they only saw me as a martyr who always "compromised" and put up with large costs, financially, emotionally, and with no reward other than being yelled at a l…

It sounds like you did the right thing

Re: Loving Someone with Depression

#32

Post by bonoboTP »

GlenTheMachine wrote: post #20

Depression can also manifest in different ways. One way is anger, frustration, and anxiety. My wife’s depression was like this. She would come home from work, find one thing wrong with our apartment - there were dirty dishes in the sink, the clothes hadn’t been folded - and get angry with me for not having taken care of it. The fact that I had cooked dinner and mopped the floors didn’t count. She was angry with me pr…

So was she diagnosed with depression or what? Main part is missing from the anecdote.

Re: Loving Someone with Depression

#33

Post by poulsbohemian »

GlenTheMachine wrote: post #20

Depression can also manifest in different ways. One way is anger, frustration, and anxiety. My wife’s depression was like this. She would come home from work, find one thing wrong with our apartment - there were dirty dishes in the sink, the clothes hadn’t been folded - and get angry with me for not having taken care of it. The fact that I had cooked dinner and mopped the floors didn’t count. She was angry with me pr…

I commend you on getting through that with her. What you describe sounds exactly like a subset of the behavior my ex-wife demonstrated, but she refused to acknowledge that she needed help and it ended in a very bad divorce. Takes a lot of mutual strength to work through all of that together.

Re: Loving Someone with Depression

#34

Post by reidjs »

GlenTheMachine wrote: post #20

Depression can also manifest in different ways. One way is anger, frustration, and anxiety. My wife’s depression was like this. She would come home from work, find one thing wrong with our apartment - there were dirty dishes in the sink, the clothes hadn’t been folded - and get angry with me for not having taken care of it. The fact that I had cooked dinner and mopped the floors didn’t count. She was angry with me pr…

I went through the exact same thing, except with a girlfriend not a wife. 100% agree that it’s important to keep your own mental health strong before you can help them. But that is exceptionally hard when they are trying to bring you down to their state at every opportunity.

Re: Loving Someone with Depression

#35

Post by YXNjaGVyZWdlbgo »

okareaman wrote: post #10

My own major debilating depression was such that I couldn't get out of bed other than to use the toilet. Worse than that I could see no reason to get out of bed and didn't care to get out of bed. Taking a shower and getting dressed was out of the question. I knew the strain I was causing in my family, but since I didn't feel anything, I couldn't feel enough empathy for them to do anything about it. I knew I used to l…

Hey, you are not alone with BP and there is a really great BP discord server. We have real support groups running two times a day. I encourage everyone with BP to join it. https://discord.gg/rbipolar2

Re: Loving Someone with Depression

#36

Post by YXNjaGVyZWdlbgo »

okareaman wrote: post #15
joflicu wrote: post #14

Earlier quoted context omitted.

How do you manage the side-effects (especially weight gain) from quatiepine? My best wishes to you.

I'm lucky I only need a low dose (50 mg) but you're right, the weight gain is a drag. At least I have the energy now to excercise, so I have normal problems, thank god.

You must be bp2 and take it more for sedation because the anti psychotic effect only manifests on higher doses.

Re: Loving Someone with Depression

#37

Post by orasis »

Yeah sorry. I’m not going to just listen. A lot of the time you need to push them to take the next step because they are STUCK.

Go exercise, eat some healthy food, take your damn meds, try new meds, try ketamine if suicidal, try psilocybin if treatment resistant.

But coddling depression just drags it out longer and digs the spiral deeper. Yes, it is a disease which means it needs to be treated.

Re: Loving Someone with Depression

#38

Post by rsyring »

khazhoux wrote: post #24

A bit surprised no one's broached this question: At what point is it OK to leave your depressed partner? I know someone who left his depressed spouse of over 25 years. He loved her and tried to make it work, but eventually chose happiness for himself, for the second half of his life. He left her alone and essentially friendless. No easy answers there.

No post body was provided.

Re: Loving Someone with Depression

#39

Post by fastball »

kayodelycaon wrote: post #17

As someone who is bipolar, this hits the nail firmly on the head. Having to deal with people is just exhausting on top of everything else. All people need to do is listen and don’t try to fix things. But people want to fix things. If I don’t let them fix things, I’m the asshole. If they can’t fix things, it’s my job to absolve their guilt, or I’m the asshole. If I’m having suicidal thoughts, I’ve learned just say I’m…

I'm glad you've got everything taken care of, but I think part of the problem is that not everyone does. Some people don't need any more help, but some people do. Hard to tell from the outside.

Re: Loving Someone with Depression

#40

Post by GlenTheMachine »

bonoboTP wrote: post #32
GlenTheMachine wrote: post #20

Depression can also manifest in different ways. One way is anger, frustration, and anxiety. My wife’s depression was like this. She would come home from work, find one thing wrong with our apartment - there were dirty dishes in the sink, the clothes hadn’t been folded - and get angry with me for not having taken care of it. The fact that I had cooked dinner and mopped the floors didn’t count. She was angry with me pr…

So was she diagnosed with depression or what? Main part is missing from the anecdote.

Yes. Eventually. SSRIs saved our marriage.
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