Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Ask HN: How do you manage or avoid meltdowns?

news.ycombinator.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

71–80 of 96 posts

Re: Ask HN: How do you manage or avoid meltdowns?

#71

Post by giantg2 »

Basically, stop caring. That's my only option.

I don't melt down, but I say things I shouldn't. No yelling, no profanity, just my position. For example, I am currently struggling not to speak up on the asymmetrical nature of the merit structure at my company. It's still better to keep your mouth shut because in the end it's safer to be part of a group than to be your authentic self.

So now I must accept that there are injustices in the world, some of which directly affect me, for which the "best" thing to do is for me to stay silent.

Re: Ask HN: How do you manage or avoid meltdowns?

#73

Post by [deleted] »

fabioborellini wrote: post #25
rpodraza wrote: post #10

Not sure why you want to avoid psychotherapy. Maybe look into Gestalt therapy. Find a therapist that will help you to solve your problems, and not one that is arrogant.

Paying 15% of net income for weekly therapy sessions only to hear lameness like "you are perfect, everyone is", "there is nothing wrong with you", "you are very brave" and to discuss the news is not what I would consider responsible use for money. Like OP, there is something wrong with my daily life and I am the only person responsible of making it better. Phrases like "everything will be all right, anyway" and "you…

[deleted]

Re: Ask HN: How do you manage or avoid meltdowns?

#74

Post by lunatuna »

npwr wrote: post #11

Here's what works for me : - An SSRI treatment, because generalized anxiety doesn't usually go away on its own. - Heavy schedule compartimentalization. - At least a moderate level of daily physical activity. - 9 hours of sleep. - Minimize caffeine & alcohol intake.

I've dealt with this myself and with my peers over the years. I see a lot of similar statements and will tag on to npwr's since it is close to what I do.

This is mostly in order:

1. No drugs. Booze and pot need to be sidelined while dealing with this. Minimization or stopping caffeine if possible. Don't quite smoking right now.

2. Exercise. Do what you like that can get you into the zone. Try and do it without external inputs like podcasts etc. Let the exercise take over your brain. 3 days a week is minimum. There is a good chance you will want to do more.

3. Sleep. Full sleep for whatever it is for you. I can't sleep 9 hours but 8 is good. This is a personal variable, but you should feel good when you wake up.

4. Talk to a friend. Hangout or call a friend that is low maintenance. You may or may not talk about what's challenging you. Having someone to go back and forth with is a great to get you back to who you are and will give you some perspective directly or indirectly.

5. See someone professionally that can help. There is a lot of science based approaches out there that aren't too far out or just sitting on a couch spending money. Find a councillor that you can say "I want to stop or reduce my meltdowns" and give them a few sessions to do so. It shouldn't be forever. The sessions should be basic and practical. Understanding how your adrenal gland pumps you up just before you have a meltdown is really helpful. How to get out of your head and back to reality - you aren't under mortal danger like your mind is telling you and your body is now in full flight or fight mode. How to you recognize this before it happens and make sure that when it does you have a process to get through it without melting down. It works pretty well within a few sessions.

I've had a lot of good feedback from my colleagues. 1-3 does it for a lot of people. The fact that we are talking in some ways takes it to 4. 5 is a hard step to take as there is a lot of stigma around it, but if you are melting down at work or with your family it is worth it. Work meltdowns suggest that this has gotten out of control.

I suggest to anyone that has been through this with some success to reach out to anyone that they see having similar issues. This has been a real positive as a manager having my own experience to share.

Re: Ask HN: How do you manage or avoid meltdowns?

#75

Post by quadcore »

Focus on your breath, place your hands on your knees in order not to react/do anything stupid. Dont get rigid, move your body slightly with smoothness in order not to get rigid. Dont get rigid focus on your breath again and again. Just focus on that, its not now your going to fix the world, fix yourself first. And smile.

Now, when it passes, ask yourself the following question: when was the last time you were stabbed?

You're too negative, it transpires in everything you say, your lack of openess and even your username. I dont say that because I care but because negativity attracts negative things. You are going toward a disaster if you keep being negative like that.

Plus you're trying to control your environment too much. You need acceptance, gratitude, etc

Youre judging yourself, others, everything. You are feeling bad because you are feeling bad. All those habits will lead you to a disaster.

Whats clearly happening here is that being negative is becoming your personality. Thoughts lead to actions which lead to habits which lead to personality. The negative spiraling starts with your thoughts.

Re: Ask HN: How do you manage or avoid meltdowns?

#76

Post by johnmarcus »

muzani wrote: post #41
thejackgoode wrote: post #4

> No phychotherapy please. I won't go near their arrogance. No professional psychotherapist can afford to be arrogant, you might have gotten unlucky with your experience so far. They are equipped to answer exactly such questions. Psychodynamic approaches, for example, are something you might want to look into.

Yup, arrogance is a symptom of incompetency. People are loudest about the things they are unsure about. We see it all the time in our line of work - beginners are the most arrogant. But it applies to doctors, lawyers, and psychotherapists too.

And let's not forget, it also applies to patients as well.

Re: Ask HN: How do you manage or avoid meltdowns?

#77

Post by Fnoord »

Be part of a healthy team who work together, who communicate well, and do sports together. During lockdown, more likely you go sport solo (figure something out; I like running and yoga) but stay in touch with teammates. Walk every day, learn to meditate (mindfulness). You can do that during anything, including a walk or sports.
Post reply on HN