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Ask HN: How to optimize your career for happiness?

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Re: Ask HN: How to optimize your career for happiness?

#311
post #207

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We spend a lot of money on a personal trainer; and a coach specific to my poison (cycling). The personal training and coaching are the greatest expense and I will allow my lights to get turned off before I let that lapse - it's that important to me. There has been a significant investment in a rowing machine, indoor smart trainers for cycling, and quite a bit of free weights. My wife runs, and she spends a healthy am…

>> I will also note that we have consciously chosen this route vs. maxing out 401(k) or similar. We are not wealthy (in the financial sense) nor are we sitting on a nest egg or in line to inherit a large sum of money. This caught my eye. Not maxing out your 401K is leaving money on the table. Money that could make your life easier later on. I'm curious to know what items/activities you'd need to give up in order to m…

It is absolutely worth it if you can afford to do so. When I have worked at a place that offers a match, I always do the amount for the match.

My situation is probably different from most people who began making real money fresh out of college: I was in academia until the age of 35, making peanuts and paying off exorbitant student loans incurred as an undergraduate.

As someone who was not free of student loans until 2008, I have really only been in the position to put (max) money into 401(k) plans for 13 years. I was able to max-out for 4 years (2006-2010) but had to liquidate (with penalties) for unexpected expenses.

Several of those 13 years were spent working for myself or at short-term engagements with start-ups where a 401(k) was not on the table.

Presently, my maximum contribution is $26,000/year (I get to "catch up" because I am over 50). That represents a very large percentage of my take-home, so I forego it except for the match part.

As for what items/activities would take the hit, the first one is the personal training and coaching. The second one is home repairs on a 100+ year-old house, and that's not optional. The unexpected roof replacement was $16,000. The new HVAC will be $10,000. The "little things" that are a few hundred to a thousand dollars do add up. And so on. We could finance those or pay them off, and we choose the latter. Cars don't matter: 10+ year-old Hondas that never break down and are paid for.

Yes, more money tucked away for later in life would make things easier: no argument. That said, we both plan on continuing to work - if you asked me what I'd do all day if I suddenly got rich, I'd say "ride my bike more" - and so we gamble in the sense of optimizing physical fitness at the expense of future income.

Re: Ask HN: How to optimize your career for happiness?

#312

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I’ll just chip in as someone who has never ever wanted kids, who met a lovely girl who was so thankful to also meet someone who has never ever wanted kids. So just because you’re ‘able’ doesn’t mean that you should. Just wanted to put this here in case others think they’re weird for really, really not wanting kids. You’re not.

100%. Having kids is by far the most life constraining thing you can do. Don’t do it unless you want to be a parent! I have two kids and my life is unrecognizable from what it was before. I enjoy my new life but it is 85% dad, 15% old me. I would recommend the general area of making sacrifices and servicing others in some form. I think that is a big part of the “spiritual” fulfillment of parenting. I used to be so mu…

> now I get up every day thinking how to make the lives of my kids and the world better, rather than “what would my lizard brain enjoy today"

This is the key insight. No matter how much dopamine you shovel onto your lizard brain, it will just adapt to it and demand more. There is no maximum speed on the hedonic treadmill. Serving others is the polar opposite of that, you sacrifice the things that would provide you with an immediate reward and the reward you get has nothing to do with satisfying a want. The only way I can describe it is you are only aware of it when it's not there, when you're not doing the right thing by someone, it feels like an absence of something expected. Like putting your hand in your pocket and finding nothing where something should be.

Re: Ask HN: How to optimize your career for happiness?

#313
post #66

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What if working with others and having an impact is what brings me the most fulfillment?

I'll flip the question it's head: how do you know that is worth putting all your resources into? Going all-in on one area of your life is not a good bet. I know because I've tried.

> I know because I've tried.

Can you please elaborate?

Re: Ask HN: How to optimize your career for happiness?

#314

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No thanks. Belonging to a community and helping it grow is important for happiness. Community building (and empowering users) is the main point of copyleft. Permissive licenses are equivalent to unpaid labor in the eyes of SaaS companies and other freeloaders.

GPL is part of why SaaS happened. It doesn’t prevent commercial use and it doesn’t require distributing source code if the user never gets an executable. SaaS is the textbook way to work around the GPL.

No, there's AGPL for that.

Re: Ask HN: How to optimize your career for happiness?

#315

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No thanks. Belonging to a community and helping it grow is important for happiness. Community building (and empowering users) is the main point of copyleft. Permissive licenses are equivalent to unpaid labor in the eyes of SaaS companies and other freeloaders.

I've dealt with enough GPL crusaders. They're the most unhappiest bunch. I love the philosophy of FreeBSD. Old school Berkeley liberatarianism. > Permissive licenses are equivalent to unpaid labor in the eyes of SaaS companies and other freeloaders. Or... you could be less resentful (and therefore happy) and think about helping the 'small guy' make it out and compete with large companies. I sometimes forget that we'r…

> think about helping the 'small guy' make it out and compete with large companies

The small guy is free and very welcome to use GPLed code.

> I know you're not saying this, but in general I am fed up with the idea that anything commerical == evil.

Yes, I'm not saying this. On the contrary, I have bills to pay and I'm paid to develop software. One reason more not to give away gifts to freeloaders.

> That said, ethics is important.

And yet you also said "you could be less resentful"...

Re: Ask HN: How to optimize your career for happiness?

#316
post #156

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How have you found things since going back after the 3 weeks? I identify with what you're saying quite strongly, I'm still debugging the fundamental issues and how to fix them. For my situation I suspect a strong component is personality-related and that I probably need some prolonged period of time away from work to reset my body and brain and be free from high stress situations for a while. From browsing past threa…

> For my situation I suspect a strong component is personality-related I think that's true for me, too. While the work organisation and environment is simply bad, I believe that the large part of harm is self-inducted in my case. Changing workplace would definitely help, but I definitely need to work on the underlying personal issues. I think about some kind of therapy to worry less... I kind of trained myself to wor…

I identify with what you say about part being personality-related.

In the past I once did an ACT therapy. It was focused on making me experience (feeling my body's response, not experiencing intellectually) the difference between different approaches to work and dealing with problems (of whatever kind).

Through it I've learnt to gauge my bodies response better, which helps with "emptying the bucket prematurely" when it comes to stress-buildup. Often the signs are there in early stages, but you're not yet aware of them.

Re: Ask HN: How to optimize your career for happiness?

#317

Earlier quoted context omitted.

No thanks. Belonging to a community and helping it grow is important for happiness. Community building (and empowering users) is the main point of copyleft. Permissive licenses are equivalent to unpaid labor in the eyes of SaaS companies and other freeloaders.

Worrying about > Permissive licenses are equivalent to unpaid labor in the eyes of SaaS companies and other freeloaders. Is a way to unhappiness. I MIT/BSD stuff and no worry about who uses it and how much money they make. The attitude above is like given to poor people at the sour kitchen and then getting angry if they make it out of poverty, become successful, and don't follow in your foot steps. What they do after…

> The attitude above is like given to poor people at the sour kitchen and then getting angry if they make it out of poverty

Absolutely not. A correct comparison is volunteering at a soup kitchen while see someone hoards the food and sells it back to homeless people and pockets all the profit.

And sometimes even takes credit for the quality of the food.

Re: Ask HN: How to optimize your career for happiness?

#318
post #310
post #309

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> Being happy is easy but transient (e.g. eating ice-cream can make someone happy). Are you sure you're not confusing happiness with pleasure?

Yes, pretty much. Feel free to expand though. I enjoy these kind of conversations and there's always the possibility I might got this whole thing wrong.

My insight comes straight from the Dalai Lama's book "The Art of Happiness".

He explains that often people mistake please for happiness, so he suggests that you contrast the two by asking yourself: "Will this bring me happiness or pleasure?"

Happiness as described in the book is much closer to contentment in my opinion. The best I can describe it is the deep contentment after helping someone, resting after having done a good job or finding beauty in seemingly ordinary things.

To me, it appears to be less dependent on external circumstances, and more dependent on a state of mind. It appears to be less fleeting and less addictive. The mind becomes more still because of it, whereas the mind tends to be come addicted to pleasure.

Happiness appears to find you, whereas the mind endlessly chases pleasure.

Re: Ask HN: How to optimize your career for happiness?

#319
post #292

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> is there any way you can live where you're free from the risk of terrible calamity? No. > and suddenly leave you grieving in a way you'd never be And we should consider that when deciding to enter a relationship.

The notion of a life lived without any relationships with other people seems too grim to contemplate.

I find it helpful to contemplate just that. Helps me realize that I am in all of my relationships through choice and to appreciate them before their inevitable end.

Re: Ask HN: How to optimize your career for happiness?

#320

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> that it's ok to befriend people at work if you like them It's something I regret having done in the past. I'm a little more cautious about this now. I don't think it's necessarily wrong to befriend colleagues, but think twice before sharing too much.

Why?

Not a big deal, but I regretted oversharing with people who later became my manager or with whom I had conflicts over work related matters. I can't say it ever became an issue, but it could have been.
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