You aren't ANYTHING. You are not your job or your skills.
Trust your gut. You've been busy with other things, and you have fallen behind as a developer. That doesn't mean you are worthless or unable to improve again. It just means you need to be humble and have a plan to improve as a coder.
The only way to improve consistently I have seen is to seek feedback from peers. Seek out a trusted colleague and ask to pair program for a while. Submit PRs early and often, and get early feedback.
I know a lot of people who would never admit they are struggling, and just say everyone else is the problem.