You're having an emotional problem, not a technical one. Therefore you need to ask a therapist, not other developers.
Ask HN: I've lost faith in myself as a developer, how do I get it back?
91–100 of 243 posts
Re: Ask HN: I've lost faith in myself as a developer, how do I get it back?
#92I think if you were not at that company, someone else would be making the mistakes. I think the fact that you are still there after 12 years, and consider your decisions so critically says that you are good at what you do.
As a Disney princess once said: "Let it go".
Forgetting is just as critical a skill as remembering.
Re: Ask HN: I've lost faith in myself as a developer, how do I get it back?
#93It does sound like burnout, and also like not being in the right environment (which contributes to burn out). I had one job where there was a lot of technical debt, but my manager did not respect me and my colleagues had what was basically a "learned helplessness" attitude. So I'd go around trying really hard to make things better, but everyone responded to me like I was just crazy or naive or didn't know what I was…
> I had one job where there was a lot of technical debt, but my manager did not respect me and my colleagues had what was basically a "learned helplessness" attitude. So I'd go around trying really hard to make things better, but everyone responded to me like I was just crazy or naive or didn't know what I was talking about.
This is the sad truth at way too many orgs, even YC funded ones. Several times I have come in as a "highly respected CTO", and the things I end up doing that work are simply the same things the previous CTO was trying to do, but he/she wasn't able to get buy-in because of lack of respect from the non-technical parts of the org. Aggregating respect unfortunately goes a very long way.
Re: Ask HN: I've lost faith in myself as a developer, how do I get it back?
#94Whenever I experience this anxiety, I have learned that the cure is almost always better feedback.
If I'm worried about the performance of my software, but I don't know which things to optimize, I need to use a profiler.
If I'm worried that my code changes introduce bugs, I need tests.
If I'm worried that a design isn't the best set of trade-offs, I need to share it with people whose judgement I trust and get their feedback.
I'm not a manager, so I don't know exactly what feedback looks like at your level, but I'd suggest involving more of your team and collaborating on decisions more.
Re: Ask HN: I've lost faith in myself as a developer, how do I get it back?
#95Earlier quoted context omitted.
Reminds me of what Jeff Bezos said about Type 1 and Type 2 decisions. Type 1 decisions are one-way door decisions that needs to be deliberated deeply and consulted on with higher-ups. Type 2 decisions are two-way door decisions that small teams can be empowered to make. There is a balance between empowerment and the higher-ups taking responsibility. I've been in an organization where-in the higher-ups just abdicated…
> Reminds me of what Jeff Bezos said about Type 1 and Type 2 decisions There's a cautionary tale buried here. Many seemingly Type 2 decisions are actually Type 1 decisions in disguise. Case in point, Amazon's decision to not allow warehouse workers to have their phones when working in the warehouse has resulted in the 6+ deaths and many more injuries that we saw in the tornado last Friday. Now there's no going back,…
Was that decision made by a small team? Maybe it was a top level decision?
Re: Ask HN: I've lost faith in myself as a developer, how do I get it back?
#96CTO and developer separate into distinct roles as a company grows. How big is this company? Is it a small company with few developers where you hold the CTO title because you're a founding developer or the most senior developer? If so, you might be missing the reassurance that came from your previous life where you had a manager to check your work, peers to review it, and feedback from people who didn't report to you…
The company is growing in all facets. We added 17 engineers this year when we previously had a total team of like 10. You hit the nail on the head though, I got the role because I was the first engineer and employee at the company. In no way am I a great CTO, just lucky timing. I'm actually stepping down as CTO and becoming a developer again because I am not a good manager, that I know for sure. I think I need to be…
It sounds like if you were to stay on as CTO you should consider delegating some more of the management, not just the tech. Who in your team can step up to support you? A CTO with 20+ people should be doing low-touch development if at all.
No harm to step down or out for a bit and come back to it when you're ready if you're burned out. Rotating the management and developer duties might reduce your pressure if it makes you feel you've got more back up.
Consider pair programming if you're doubting yourself, maybe with both weaker and stronger developers to help benchmark your skills more accurately.
External training or mentorship might help you to get another perspective on your skillset.
Also consider whether there are any external factors such as your upstream management, clients, or the market that you are in that are stressing you out. It may be that the worries about development skills are symptoms of another issue.
As a senior team member, you should have a lot of scope to choose the work that you think is the best fit for you. Taking some time to think about this is part of being a manager, and as a senior developer your development skills are not something you need to worry about too much - you can bring these up quickly if you need to, and you probably don't need to right now. You've gone through a stage of worrying about what you can bring technically to the table, and that's not your focus right now, which feels uncomfortable. It's OK to follow the flow of your career and see what happens, you can reset down the line if needed.
Re: Ask HN: I've lost faith in myself as a developer, how do I get it back?
#97Earlier quoted context omitted.
If you are in an environment like this, you need to empower your engineers to make those choices: it will be more efficient, they'll feel better about the compromises they make themselves, they'll learn more from what happens, and you'll reduce the load on other people, like those seniors, architects and the CTO.
Reminds me of what Jeff Bezos said about Type 1 and Type 2 decisions. Type 1 decisions are one-way door decisions that needs to be deliberated deeply and consulted on with higher-ups. Type 2 decisions are two-way door decisions that small teams can be empowered to make. There is a balance between empowerment and the higher-ups taking responsibility. I've been in an organization where-in the higher-ups just abdicated…
I had never heard of these Type 1 or 2 Decisions, but this is absolutely where my head is at.
And it can be really hard for someone who loves to code to realize that this is primarily their job now. And they're always going to be kind of wrong
Re: Ask HN: I've lost faith in myself as a developer, how do I get it back?
#98Is it possible that you're not making the "right" moves because you're the CTO? Leadership is hard and it's hard because you're making bayesian calculations on suboptimal choices. Almost by definition. Say a Jr. dev has a problem that they can't solve. They kick it to an intermediate. The intermediate can't solve it so they kick it up to a senior. The senior can see a couple of solutions, but want's to run it past th…
>You just kind of have to minimize the wrongness
And, if you can't figure out which is least-wrong, just make a decision, any decision. Don't become a roadblock. If the problem has already gone from junior->intermediate->senior->architect->cto it's already taken a whole lot of time and energy. It's software - you can fix almost anything (except certain security, reliability and financial controls) later if its wrong so making any decision is more important that making the optimal one.
I've definitely worked at startups where the CTO was the blocker for the longest time and we'd wait weeks on them when another senior people could have done the work immediately. Try to delegate and trust people as quickly as you can.
Re: Ask HN: I've lost faith in myself as a developer, how do I get it back?
#99Earlier quoted context omitted.
If you are in an environment like this, you need to empower your engineers to make those choices: it will be more efficient, they'll feel better about the compromises they make themselves, they'll learn more from what happens, and you'll reduce the load on other people, like those seniors, architects and the CTO.
What GP means I think is the decisions that need to be made at CTO's level are generally going to be tough ones by definition. This is after empowering engineers etc... so easy ones are handled by them. Otherwise the CTO would be swamped.
This is inline with what I was thinking, but the Type 1 and 2 Decisions that a child comment outlines enriches my post in a way that I really appreciate
Re: Ask HN: I've lost faith in myself as a developer, how do I get it back?
#100It does sound like burnout, and also like not being in the right environment (which contributes to burn out). I had one job where there was a lot of technical debt, but my manager did not respect me and my colleagues had what was basically a "learned helplessness" attitude. So I'd go around trying really hard to make things better, but everyone responded to me like I was just crazy or naive or didn't know what I was…
Thanks for sharing your experience. I’m also going through similar issues with gaslighting at my job right now which I attribute to a few insecure colleagues and managers in a heavy tech debt laden environment. It’s done major damage to my self esteem lately. I was feeling very confident as a developer and tech lead until joining the team I’m on now. I’ve been constantly questioning myself lately even though my intui…
It’s taught me a lot about my limits to take on constant streams of bullshit and I’m hoping to move on soon and heal the damage.
Best of luck from someone who's been there! With hindsight you'll be able to draw lessons for self improvement, and also realize just how much really was the fault of your environment, with nothing you could have done differently. Just take some time for yourself and learn what you can, and what to avoid in the future.