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Ask HN: I've lost faith in myself as a developer, how do I get it back?

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Re: Ask HN: I've lost faith in myself as a developer, how do I get it back?

#21

Post by cwitty88 »

RcouF1uZ4gsC wrote: post #15

I would recommend reconnecting with the fun of being a developer. Make something purely for yourself, just because you want it for yourself (whether an app or a website or a desktop program, a game, etc). Design and code it how you want, focusing on making it work without obsessing about doing it the right way. I think that will help you recapture the pure joy of coding. Once you have recaptured that, then I think a…

I do miss hacking away at stuff just for the joy of it. I'm a little OCD so I have to be mindful about not attempting perfection as I go.

Maybe I need to mess around with some personal projects.

Re: Ask HN: I've lost faith in myself as a developer, how do I get it back?

#22

Post by sjostrom7 »

cwitty88 wrote: post #12
PragmaticPulp wrote: post #7

CTO and developer separate into distinct roles as a company grows. How big is this company? Is it a small company with few developers where you hold the CTO title because you're a founding developer or the most senior developer? If so, you might be missing the reassurance that came from your previous life where you had a manager to check your work, peers to review it, and feedback from people who didn't report to you…

The company is growing in all facets. We added 17 engineers this year when we previously had a total team of like 10. You hit the nail on the head though, I got the role because I was the first engineer and employee at the company. In no way am I a great CTO, just lucky timing. I'm actually stepping down as CTO and becoming a developer again because I am not a good manager, that I know for sure. I think I need to be…

That sounds like a good decision. I would greatly respect someone that I saw making this call, far more than if they tried to struggle through and did damage to their own careers or others. Best of luck to you.

Re: Ask HN: I've lost faith in myself as a developer, how do I get it back?

#23

Post by rhacker »

cwitty88 wrote: post #5
raxxorrax wrote: post #2

Well, look at the positive side, as a CTO you probably don't have much time to code anyway. Jokes aside, did something happen before? Did a software not perform or caused problems? You say growth is fast. Sounds good and that means to make compromises here and there in software that might not fit your aspirations of quality. Is this a new position? Or did you see a topic that was just beyond you in any conceivable wa…

I've been CTO since the beginning but it was almost all coding in the early days. Now it is much more of a management role. I actually just started the process of stepping down and going back to being a developer because I dislike the management side of things a lot. I think I am questioning my abilities because we built things in questionable ways and now everything that I have done is being scrutinized by all new t…

One thing to keep in mind with respect to that - often when teams grow you get more ivory tower types. Not that everyone wants to build an ivory tower, but you do get a lot of in-between. One thing to keep in mind about why the code was the way it was - it was designed that way to grow the company fast and to get customers. Nearly all companies that start that growth will face the inevitable - let's rebuild all of this from scratch. It doesn't mean your original contributions were worthless - no one would be working there if that was true.

In the end you may move more towards explaining to people how the company operates, how the data is processed and keep that going.

Re: Ask HN: I've lost faith in myself as a developer, how do I get it back?

#24

Post by sdwr »

cwitty88 wrote: post #6
PaulHoule wrote: post #3

Athletes who have a long career will sometimes take time out to reinvent their game. So do some software developers. Your best bet is to do a project entirely different from anything you've done in a while. You can vary: (1) the domain of the project (what it's about) and (2) the technology behind the project. When I was really sick and tired of programming I enjoyed playing with Scratch with kids. Many coders, inclu…

Sometimes coding just sounds like the worst thing I could possibly do. I do enjoy thinking about writing some code but when I sit down all enthusiasm goes out the door. Maybe I need to tinker with something in the real world tangentially related to code and that will help.

Have you been involved in the code this whole time, or just getting back into it?

Re: Ask HN: I've lost faith in myself as a developer, how do I get it back?

#25

Post by bionhoward »

not having blind faith in yourself is a really good thing because it makes you humble and willing to learn. Shitty work isn’t the end of the story because you can improve it over time. Doubting your decisions helps you avoid fooling yourself.

How do you escape the funk? Realize the funk is useful and normal, and it always was!

Re: Ask HN: I've lost faith in myself as a developer, how do I get it back?

#26

Post by computronus »

shrimp_emoji wrote: post #14
cwitty88 wrote: post #5

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I've been CTO since the beginning but it was almost all coding in the early days. Now it is much more of a management role. I actually just started the process of stepping down and going back to being a developer because I dislike the management side of things a lot. I think I am questioning my abilities because we built things in questionable ways and now everything that I have done is being scrutinized by all new t…

>we built things in questionable ways Classic. I know brilliant people who wrote pretty ugly code years ago and beat themselves up about now (in a tongue-in-cheek way -- they joke about it frequently). Coding is hard; if it was easy, people as smart as them would've written stuff perfectly the first time!

Humility is very important for coding (most things, really). Everyone writes "questionable" or "ugly" code, so it's important to accept that as much in yourself as you do for others. Think about what you would say to someone else in your position: would you be as critical of them as you are of yourself?

Moreover, in the early days of a new company, the priority is to get something working to create income - sometimes, quality be damned. Otherwise, there's a good chance the company won't survive to get the chance to hire people who will get the opportunity to criticize the code that made their employment possible.

Re: Ask HN: I've lost faith in myself as a developer, how do I get it back?

#27

Post by PaulHoule »

cwitty88 wrote: post #6
PaulHoule wrote: post #3

Athletes who have a long career will sometimes take time out to reinvent their game. So do some software developers. Your best bet is to do a project entirely different from anything you've done in a while. You can vary: (1) the domain of the project (what it's about) and (2) the technology behind the project. When I was really sick and tired of programming I enjoyed playing with Scratch with kids. Many coders, inclu…

Sometimes coding just sounds like the worst thing I could possibly do. I do enjoy thinking about writing some code but when I sit down all enthusiasm goes out the door. Maybe I need to tinker with something in the real world tangentially related to code and that will help.

Or just find some hobby that has nothing to do with software at all.

Years ago I took the Myers-Britt test and was an INTP. In the last year I picked up an art hobby (with a lot of coding skills) and have been doing a lot of reading and other work relative to art and relationships and I retested as an INFP. Now my heroes are people like Walt Disney and Jim Henson. I wouldn’t be surprised if I test as an ENFP a year from now.

Re: Ask HN: I've lost faith in myself as a developer, how do I get it back?

#28

Post by spacemadness »

anyonecancode wrote: post #11

It does sound like burnout, and also like not being in the right environment (which contributes to burn out). I had one job where there was a lot of technical debt, but my manager did not respect me and my colleagues had what was basically a "learned helplessness" attitude. So I'd go around trying really hard to make things better, but everyone responded to me like I was just crazy or naive or didn't know what I was…

Thanks for sharing your experience. I’m also going through similar issues with gaslighting at my job right now which I attribute to a few insecure colleagues and managers in a heavy tech debt laden environment. It’s done major damage to my self esteem lately. I was feeling very confident as a developer and tech lead until joining the team I’m on now. I’ve been constantly questioning myself lately even though my intuition, which I’ve normally trusted in, is telling me it’s not me, it’s my environment. It’s taught me a lot about my limits to take on constant streams of bullshit and I’m hoping to move on soon and heal the damage. I’m just hoping it’s something that doesn’t haunt me for years to come. What you shared gives me some hope!

Re: Ask HN: I've lost faith in myself as a developer, how do I get it back?

#29

Post by tiborsaas »

cwitty88 wrote: post #6
PaulHoule wrote: post #3

Athletes who have a long career will sometimes take time out to reinvent their game. So do some software developers. Your best bet is to do a project entirely different from anything you've done in a while. You can vary: (1) the domain of the project (what it's about) and (2) the technology behind the project. When I was really sick and tired of programming I enjoyed playing with Scratch with kids. Many coders, inclu…

Sometimes coding just sounds like the worst thing I could possibly do. I do enjoy thinking about writing some code but when I sit down all enthusiasm goes out the door. Maybe I need to tinker with something in the real world tangentially related to code and that will help.

So when that sometimes happen don't force yourself into it. I'd watch some tutorial on YouTube and try to replicate that, watch videos from all angles: game development, frontend tools, 3D graphics, databases, protocols, talks from conferences... whatever comes into your focus.

For me the trick is to just begin, no matter how small the initial step is.

I think what really triggers curiosity is the ability to learn new things while making an okay progress.

Re: Ask HN: I've lost faith in myself as a developer, how do I get it back?

#30

Post by kevinventullo »

cwitty88 wrote: post #5
raxxorrax wrote: post #2

Well, look at the positive side, as a CTO you probably don't have much time to code anyway. Jokes aside, did something happen before? Did a software not perform or caused problems? You say growth is fast. Sounds good and that means to make compromises here and there in software that might not fit your aspirations of quality. Is this a new position? Or did you see a topic that was just beyond you in any conceivable wa…

I've been CTO since the beginning but it was almost all coding in the early days. Now it is much more of a management role. I actually just started the process of stepping down and going back to being a developer because I dislike the management side of things a lot. I think I am questioning my abilities because we built things in questionable ways and now everything that I have done is being scrutinized by all new t…

I assume you built things in questionable ways because as you said, the company was growing like crazy and there was no time to “do things right”. It just had to work. It sounds like you did a great job if the company is currently doing well.

My only advice is you should be open-minded to the newer devs who work day-to-day with the “legacy” systems you originally wrote and may have very informed ideas about how to improve or refactor those systems. It’s not a knock on you, the company is simply in a different stage.

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