You don't understand Bitcoin, or Ethereum for that matter.
Ethereum is a product produced by a company. They have an enormous about of control over it. They've changed the token issuance multiple times over its lifetime. Vitalik being a figurehead is also a problem. There's a lot of risk of what happens to the project when Vitalik leaves or dies.
Bitcoin suffers from none of those problems. The issuance has been fixed for 13 years. Any attempts to change important parameters of the consensus rules have failed. The figurehead of the project left years ago when Bitcoin was still small and hasn't been heard from since.
Ethereum and all other alts are products sold by companies.
Bitcoin is simply an open protocol, owned by no one, and yet accessible to anyone. There is no CEO, marketing department, legal team or anything like that. It's just open-source software that people choose to run.
It's similar to email, but instead of sending messages, you can send absolutely scarce "tokens".
It's a subtle difference, but it is vitally important.
> Bitcoin is the most boring coin
Good. Would you really want a new form of money to be "dynamic" and constantly changing? Bitcoin being predictable is a feature. Certainty of issuance so you can't be arbitrarily diluted at the whims of a select few.
> its only valued so much based on speculation and brand recognition
There's a lot more value to Bitcoin than that.
* It's significantly decentralised so it can't be shut down in any practical way
* It can't be easily confisicated if secured correctly. This is important for people living in authoritarian regimes where bank accounts can be easily shut down
* It's permissionless. Anyone can use it, and no one can stop someone from using it
* It's accessible. You just need an internet connection to use the Bitcoin network. Think about what this means for countries with a large portion of unbanked people or currencies that are unstable... yet they have internet and mobile phones
* The Bitcoin network is an always available consumer of energy. This is a game changer for the energy sector because they can recoup lost revenue from excess power
* It's also a non-competitive consumer of stranded energy i.e. energy that can't be transmitted to where people are
You mention brand recognition almost as a bad thing, but network effects are important and powerful... particularly for open networks like Bitcoin.