Ask HN: Please Give Me Advice • Hacker News Board

Re: Ask HN: Please Give Me Advice

#21

Post by poetically » Sun, Dec 05, 2021, 5:32 AM UTC

obviouslyfake wrote: post #7

poetically wrote: post #4

This is the zeitgeist so what you're feeling is reasonable. We live in material abundance but spiritual destitution. So unfortunately I don't think there is anything you can do individually that will help other than maybe look into folks like Neil Postman, Alan Watts, Carl Sagan, etc. and read what they wrote to see if it can be applied in your individual circumstances. It's hard to do anything about an individual pr…

I've read Alan Watts, the Stoics and Buddhism stuff I tried going to Church, to seek community, but i can't pretend i'm religious when i'm not

I'm not religious either but by reading the works of the folks I suggested I have a better sense of what is in my control and what is not so that I can focus on things that I can address and not worry so much about things that are out of my control.

Contemporary consumerist society is isolating for most people because even though they can buy whatever they want it doesn't change the fact that lack of communal structures makes them feel isolated. This is a systemic issue so there is no individual solution.

Re: Ask HN: Please Give Me Advice

#22

Post by lettergram » Sun, Dec 05, 2021, 5:35 AM UTC

obviouslyfake wrote: post #12

lettergram wrote: post #11

A few people I've spoken with who "broke out" of this mentality credit Jordan Peterson's 12 rules for life https://www.amazon.com/12-Rules-Life-Antidote-Chaos/dp/03458... Here's a quick video (12 min video): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ApC0faRYabI I suspect his lectures, books, etc are likely more in depth. I personally haven't read it much, but am aware of the rules. At the end of the day, you have to just get m…

I've read that book and have recommended it myself Yet i feel too anxious to go out of my comfort zone

I've expanded my comment, but generally -- set physical goals. Build strength, physique, and in turn ego. Seems to help people I know with anxiety if they know they "look good"

But at the end of the day, you have to get out of your comfort zone. That's hard, very hard. But once you force yourself into situations out of your comfort zone a few times it'll become a habit as well.

Re: Ask HN: Please Give Me Advice

#23

Post by aradox66 » Sun, Dec 05, 2021, 5:35 AM UTC

ekianjo wrote: post #13

slater wrote: post #2

Few people have anything resembling a plan. Just don't ask randos on the internet. You'll hear this often, because there's truth to it: Seek therapy. It's not a sign of weakness. And if the therapist doesn't "click" with you, see a different one.

> Seek therapy Therapy is not going to magically inject meaning in your life. Let's stop with the fake solutions.

Plenty of clinical evidence suggests that therapy can help folks having a hard time. It's not magic - talking about your problems with someone who cares is helpful.

Re: Ask HN: Please Give Me Advice

#24

Post by obviouslyfake » Sun, Dec 05, 2021, 5:36 AM UTC

aradox66 wrote: post #17

Your perception of yourself and your life is being distorted by depression. The intellect tries to make this about "meaning," or who you are, but it's not really about that. You're not a parasite, and the people who care about you don't think you're a loser. You're okay, and it sucks that you're going through this, but nothing is wrong with you. You're just having a rough spot, which is normal and common, especially…

The saddest thing is that nobody seems to understand having depression is not my choice

I don't want to be depressed no more than anyone else

I don't want to be that person of which everyone thinks as depressed, it hurts

Re: Ask HN: Please Give Me Advice

#25

Post by obviouslyfake » Sun, Dec 05, 2021, 5:38 AM UTC

Flankk wrote: post #16

"The important thing in life is not victory but combat; it is not to have won but to have fought well." —Pierre de Coubertin

But why should i be fighting? What for? More money? What's the goal of fighting?

Re: Ask HN: Please Give Me Advice

#26

Post by spython » Sun, Dec 05, 2021, 5:40 AM UTC

Think about the inner values that you have. You mention, you want to make a contribution to the society, and to be a good grandson. That's already a lot! You could start by making really small contributions, it does not have to be world-changing to make sense. Just picking up trash or tending a garden would be a good start.

Take care of your other needs – try to eat well, sleep well, move enough, get social support (as you are doing now). And, as others say, get a therapist that you can work with.

It may take some time to work things out. But it's okay. Just see it as growing and maturing.

Re: Ask HN: Please Give Me Advice

#27

Post by nnoitra » Sun, Dec 05, 2021, 5:44 AM UTC

lettergram wrote: post #11

A few people I've spoken with who "broke out" of this mentality credit Jordan Peterson's 12 rules for life https://www.amazon.com/12-Rules-Life-Antidote-Chaos/dp/03458... Here's a quick video (12 min video): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ApC0faRYabI I suspect his lectures, books, etc are likely more in depth. I personally haven't read it much, but am aware of the rules. At the end of the day, you have to just get m…

JP is great for people that have some basis of peace and joy in their lives. It will do nothing for people that don't have that baseline.

Re: Ask HN: Please Give Me Advice

#28

Post by obviouslyfake » Sun, Dec 05, 2021, 5:45 AM UTC

slater wrote: post #18

obviouslyfake wrote: post #5

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I have called everyone in my area, many times, nobody could give me an appointment Already on drugs, but taking them makes me feel more shit, because then i have a thought that i'm a broken person and can't live a normal live without depending on meds

OK number one thing to understand first and foremost: you are not a ‘broken person’ if you take medication. It’s a tired trope, but only because there’s some truth to it: a person with kidney, heart, or other organ issues isn’t a broken person because they take medication for their condition, right? Same applies to any of your conditions.

Instead of going through this and fixing my life, i'm outsourcing it on pills

Re: Ask HN: Please Give Me Advice

#29

Post by pram » Sun, Dec 05, 2021, 5:49 AM UTC

I’ve been there. I’ve suffered from depression for 20 years now… but my darkest, lowest points were 06-09. I had pathologically negative thoughts just like you’re experiencing. It’s incredible suffering, I know! No one really understands unless they’ve been there themselves.

You can recover. The darkness will eventually relent. You can be productive and successful one day. It’s not over. There are no easy solutions or habits to fix it though, that is the sad truth. The best you can do at the bottom is not give up.

Re: Ask HN: Please Give Me Advice

#30

Post by ksml » Sun, Dec 05, 2021, 5:49 AM UTC

obviouslyfake wrote: post #24

aradox66 wrote: post #17

Your perception of yourself and your life is being distorted by depression. The intellect tries to make this about "meaning," or who you are, but it's not really about that. You're not a parasite, and the people who care about you don't think you're a loser. You're okay, and it sucks that you're going through this, but nothing is wrong with you. You're just having a rough spot, which is normal and common, especially…

The saddest thing is that nobody seems to understand having depression is not my choice I don't want to be depressed no more than anyone else I don't want to be that person of which everyone thinks as depressed, it hurts

I don't think anyone is saying depression is your choice. No one chooses to be depressed, and I would never judge someone badly for being depressed. There's no shame in that. It's what you do about it that matters.

Therapy can take time to make a difference, but I would encourage you to give it a try!