The Best Way to Hug Someone, According to Science • Hacker News Board

Re: The Best Way to Hug Someone, According to Science

#31

Post by Baeocystin » Wed, Dec 01, 2021, 9:16 AM UTC

coldtea wrote: post #25

gbog wrote: post #12

Best hug for me is no hug, thanks. I would bet 95% of the human beings never hugs except between lovers or parents and their kids. I would bet hug is very much a North American thing. I'm French and hate hugs (we kiss on the cheeks, which feels less intrusive to me, but is crasy intrusive in most non-Latin countries). I live in China and, in normal settings, people here won't hug, won't kiss and won't even shake hand…

> I would bet 95% of the human beings never hugs except between lovers or parents and their kids. And you'd be wrong. Hugging might not be big in your parts, but is a part of many cultures all around the world. Hardly a 5% rarity. > Hugs between stars at international movie festivals do not reflect real people's life. Nor do norms in a few countries. I've travelled extensively, and I not sure where you got the idea t…

I've lived all over the place, and spent my childhood in SE Asia. While aspects of the respective cultures are more reserved about PDAs than the US, hugs were commonplace between friends and family of all ages, not just kids or spouses, pretty much everywhere. Some people don't like it, and that's fine and should be respected. But as far as I experienced, both personally and by observation, the majority do.

Re: The Best Way to Hug Someone, According to Science

#32

Post by michaelbrooks » Wed, Dec 01, 2021, 9:20 AM UTC

ChrisRR wrote: post #29

gbog wrote: post #12

Best hug for me is no hug, thanks. I would bet 95% of the human beings never hugs except between lovers or parents and their kids. I would bet hug is very much a North American thing. I'm French and hate hugs (we kiss on the cheeks, which feels less intrusive to me, but is crasy intrusive in most non-Latin countries). I live in China and, in normal settings, people here won't hug, won't kiss and won't even shake hand…

It's definitely cultural, I'm in the UK and I hug my friends when I'm saying hello or goodbye, but kissing on the cheek feels like something that old women do

I'm also from the UK, and I do enjoy a hug, but some of my friends really don't like them. If I'm hugging a woman, and they lean their cheek into me, then I will give them a kiss on it. However, it can have some very awkward and funny moments.

Re: The Best Way to Hug Someone, According to Science

#33

Post by nextaccountic » Wed, Dec 01, 2021, 9:29 AM UTC

jimbob21 wrote: post #2

Dumb to write this article and not include graphics that demonstrate the hug types.

The published paper that the article talks about is open access and actually has photos

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S000169182...

The two hug styles are about the way the arms are crossed

Re: The Best Way to Hug Someone, According to Science

#34

Post by bedobi » Wed, Dec 01, 2021, 9:41 AM UTC

Dracophoenix wrote: post #30

mudita wrote: post #14

Slightly off-topic: I’m a professional dancer, we specifically train hugging. For contemporary dance, because it’s an important skill for a lot of partnering moves, like jumps involving two persons (an example of partnering: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T1BbxTWsoO4&t=13s ). One important detail I found interesting is that for contemporary dancers, it’s not only about the arms, but how to use the whole body for the…

I know this might be off-topic, but are you familiar with ballroom dance? If so, how does one learn to touch in a way that's not to stilted but doesn't, for lack of better phrasing, "overreach" into intimate territory?

Not the author of the comment, but I dance socially and from what I've seen and experienced it varies wildly depending on the dancers, style of dance, context etc etc.

Eg Sensual Bachata and Urban Kiz are embracing in a intimate way that can be difficult to get used to, but while it may look very overreaching to most people, overwhelmingly, it's really not sexual at all. (unless the dancers want it to be, which does happen but isn't really the norm or point of the dance)

Re: The Best Way to Hug Someone, According to Science

#35

Post by bedobi » Wed, Dec 01, 2021, 9:54 AM UTC

gbog wrote: post #12

Best hug for me is no hug, thanks. I would bet 95% of the human beings never hugs except between lovers or parents and their kids. I would bet hug is very much a North American thing. I'm French and hate hugs (we kiss on the cheeks, which feels less intrusive to me, but is crasy intrusive in most non-Latin countries). I live in China and, in normal settings, people here won't hug, won't kiss and won't even shake hand…

While it goes without saying that wishes not to be hugged should be respected, and cultural norms differ, and the Western way of doing things is not the "correct" way that should be forced unto others

in the case of hugging

I can't help but think that the absence of hugging (romantic or casual friendly etc) and handshaking (formal or casual high fives etc) really is sad and really DOES rob people in China, Korea, Japan etc of one of life's simple pleasures and high points of the day

I too like you am a European who spent many years in East Asia (Japan, but I have many Korean and Chinese friends and have visited those countries too) and while I definitely had some uncomfortable hugs and handshakes, overwhelmingly, a good hug or handshake would produce big grins, squeals of joy, instant warmth and connection etc etc, irrespective of gender, age, whether between friends or complete strangers - despite language and cultural barriers.

Without exaggerating, sometimes it's almost as if you're allowing someone to experience something they've been denied their whole life and people just gobble it up and look like they've had an epiphany or something.

In case it seems like I'm just making this up in my own mind, I don't think so, because many, many people have told me that the rigid norms banning most types of affection from public life, and even in the home, is one of their pet peeves about their own culture and society.

Maybe there is some selection bias in that foreigners tend to be surrounded by people who are OK with or interested in or prefer the foreign way of doing things, but I don't think so either, I lived in an area with very few if any foreigners and have many friends who don't speak English and don't have much if any interest in going abroad etc, and they would still say the same thing.

I'm acutely aware of how cringe the above might sound but rest assured it's not because I think I'm some hot or cool guy or whatever. Just a human being who likes hugs and handshakes. Each to their own and YMMV!

Re: The Best Way to Hug Someone, According to Science

#36

Post by cainxinth » Wed, Dec 01, 2021, 9:59 AM UTC

Baeocystin wrote: post #31

coldtea wrote: post #25

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I would bet 95% of the human beings never hugs except between lovers or parents and their kids. And you'd be wrong. Hugging might not be big in your parts, but is a part of many cultures all around the world. Hardly a 5% rarity. > Hugs between stars at international movie festivals do not reflect real people's life. Nor do norms in a few countries. I've travelled extensively, and I not sure where you got the idea t…

I've lived all over the place, and spent my childhood in SE Asia. While aspects of the respective cultures are more reserved about PDAs than the US, hugs were commonplace between friends and family of all ages, not just kids or spouses, pretty much everywhere. Some people don't like it, and that's fine and should be respected. But as far as I experienced, both personally and by observation, the majority do.

This goes beyond human culture. Virtually all primates hug. Humans are primates. Heck, I think most mammals are into cuddling.

Re: The Best Way to Hug Someone, According to Science

#37

Post by hvgk » Wed, Dec 01, 2021, 10:04 AM UTC

michaelbrooks wrote: post #32

ChrisRR wrote: post #29

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's definitely cultural, I'm in the UK and I hug my friends when I'm saying hello or goodbye, but kissing on the cheek feels like something that old women do

I'm also from the UK, and I do enjoy a hug, but some of my friends really don't like them. If I'm hugging a woman, and they lean their cheek into me, then I will give them a kiss on it. However, it can have some very awkward and funny moments.

This and alcohol is how I ended up married and with kids. YMMV.

Re: The Best Way to Hug Someone, According to Science

#38

Post by LilBytes » Wed, Dec 01, 2021, 10:25 AM UTC

ChrisRR wrote: post #29

gbog wrote: post #12

Best hug for me is no hug, thanks. I would bet 95% of the human beings never hugs except between lovers or parents and their kids. I would bet hug is very much a North American thing. I'm French and hate hugs (we kiss on the cheeks, which feels less intrusive to me, but is crasy intrusive in most non-Latin countries). I live in China and, in normal settings, people here won't hug, won't kiss and won't even shake hand…

It's definitely cultural, I'm in the UK and I hug my friends when I'm saying hello or goodbye, but kissing on the cheek feels like something that old women do

Same here.

Re: The Best Way to Hug Someone, According to Science

#39

Post by hawski » Wed, Dec 01, 2021, 10:44 AM UTC

stavros wrote: post #10

quelsolaar wrote: post #9

Friends: one arm over, one under. Praise or love: both arms under. Comforting: both arms over.

Then, by definition, one of the participants will always be praising and the other will be comforting, unless you use the cross-hug.

You can keep hands on someone's lower back and simultaneously they can keep hands on your lower back. The same for shoulders. The first seem fitting to a couple the second when both want to comfort themselves (I would also imagine foreheads touching).

Re: The Best Way to Hug Someone, According to Science

#40

Post by gampleman » Wed, Dec 01, 2021, 10:52 AM UTC

Dracophoenix wrote: post #30

mudita wrote: post #14

Slightly off-topic: I’m a professional dancer, we specifically train hugging. For contemporary dance, because it’s an important skill for a lot of partnering moves, like jumps involving two persons (an example of partnering: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T1BbxTWsoO4&t=13s ). One important detail I found interesting is that for contemporary dancers, it’s not only about the arms, but how to use the whole body for the…

I know this might be off-topic, but are you familiar with ballroom dance? If so, how does one learn to touch in a way that's not to stilted but doesn't, for lack of better phrasing, "overreach" into intimate territory?

From my experience its something you just very quickly get used to.

Many ballroom dance moves are very difficult to perform correctly with any distance between the bodies (a quick Vienna Waltz really relies on a shared center of gravity).

The thing to note with most proper ballroom posture is that the dancers are usually looking in opposite directions which I think reduces the intimacy aspect significantly.