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Ask HN: Why is machine learning easier to learn than basic social skills?

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171–180 of 182 posts

Re: Ask HN: Why is machine learning easier to learn than basic social skills?

#171
TL/DR: look up some group courses on psychology of interaction, taught by theater teachers or actors. Actors are great at this game, and can give great insights.

There are some managerial trainings as well, where they tell you how to ask people to do something. In many families you learn to do this by putting some kind of guilt on the other one, which people just swallow and tolerate. But it's a red flag if they have to cooperate but aren't attached to you.

They teach all other kinds of things:

* how to do a compliment. Most people do it so that it makes you feel unease. I hated when people do their "you're so great" thing (your local culture may vary, but flattery isn't doing you any service in any place). Most of advice on the internet is absolutely horrible.

* how to ask for a favor. Lots of people start this with false signs of care ("hey, how are things going?"), or flattery. This is absolutely visible on the recepient side, and irritating. It was appalling to learn I was doing this mistake. But a great learning experience.

* how to ask not to do something;

* how to solve conflicts;

* how to talk and not to talk at an interview for an employee position (like programmer);

* how to talk at an interview for a managerial position;

etc.

I can't overstate how helpful both of these were (the managerial course, and the theatrical psychology group training).

Re: Ask HN: Why is machine learning easier to learn than basic social skills?

#175

None of the answers I see writes about the main currency of social people: looks. Go to the gym and get to the top 50 percentile of people there (be able to do 15 pull ups, 40 push ups). When you get older this will get much harder, so use your youth to maximize your genetic potential. It will be boring, but most people do boring stuff all their lives. There are of course other aspects of looks as well, try to get in…

As a long time nerd, programmer since 13, no habitual interest in sports/gym... I started going to gym for over a year now.

There is another benefit than the looks. Your default energy level is higher, you become more resistant to cold and heat changes. Your heart/lungs can handle stress better. Overall contributing to better outlook of confidence.

Re: Ask HN: Why is machine learning easier to learn than basic social skills?

#177
post #79

You know bud, if you’re interested, let’s be hackers and hack this social skill test. Can you give me a specific situation (or several) where you feel your social skills are lacking?? Let’s start off by testing your theory. I’m old enough to have known a lot of really wonderful people who think their social skills suck when they actually don’t - they’re just interested in completely different, non typical things. Fro…

Greg, thanks for posting this, this is all very good insight especially about how to approach people with an opening. For many, that ability to know what to say does not come easily and your pointers are helpful.

I stuttered well into my high school years, didn’t have many friends and genuinely had to learn. Some amazing people helped me and it’s amazing getting to pay it forward. Thanks for the kind words friend - it’s amazing knowing some of my crap is helpful. :)

Re: Ask HN: Why is machine learning easier to learn than basic social skills?

#178
post #122

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Small off-topic note: dialogue has nothing to do with di-, 2, its etymology is dia-, "across, between". For all n > 1, n people speaking together are in a dialogue.

Oh! The more you know! I guess then I shouldn't be using the "trialog" wording above.

This is kind of funny, but trialog or trialogue are both reasonably correct. Thanks to my friend Christine (I genuinely thought simiones was Christine), I can tell you that tria is Greek for trio.

Dialogue would come from “dia” and “legein”, or “through” and “speak”. Trialog could be seen as coming from “tria” “legein”, or “trio” “speak”.

Greek is really cool. For the most part, if it would work in math, it’s likely okay in Greek.

Edit - Dia is still most precise. It means ‘through’ or ‘between’ and implies you can have a dialogue between two up to a limit of an infinite number of people.

Re: Ask HN: Why is machine learning easier to learn than basic social skills?

#179
post #121

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If this is Christine, I’m very happy you’re here. Dia legein! :)

Nope, not Christine.

Too bad but you’re still really cool. Bringing out the Greek??? Completely rad…

Re: Ask HN: Why is machine learning easier to learn than basic social skills?

#180
post #93

Isn't this called Autism (spectrum disorder)? I've heard stories about people coming of age suddenly realizing that people less intelligent then them are better at the social game, how can it be?? And then they realize it is something others are born with, others don't need to analyze and learn all the time. A friend of mine on the spectrum recommended "The Tao of Badass" to me once, he tried to have some conversatio…

Saying "someone is just born with it" is called a fixed mindset approach[1]. It sets you up for failure. I used to be hideous with talking to people, but I worked at it and, most importantly, _believed that I could improve_. 1: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mindset#Fixed_and_growth_minds...

Acknowledging that some people picked up a skill with little effort and others will need to put in a lot of effort is important.

Often, the people who picked up a skill as if born with it are good at the skill, but unprepared to teach it. You may need to seek out people who learned it intentionally and became experts with awareness.

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