Because a bunch of us are obviously on the Asperger's/Autism spectrum....
Ask HN: Why is machine learning easier to learn than basic social skills?
81–90 of 182 posts
Re: Ask HN: Why is machine learning easier to learn than basic social skills?
#82People give instructions for machine learning, but they don't do this for social skills in general. Instead, they expect you to just pick it up assuming you had normal socialisation in your teens.
I personally learned more about social skills in my 30's than I did before. But this was honestly because I moved countries, and folks just told me some of the rules and folks tell me if I'm acting too... "off". Luckily, folks now also expect me to be a bit strange, which helps too.
Now, some folks have suggested simply going out more. This does help to a point - just make it something you are interested in doing so it is easier to talk about it. But also consider things like anxiety (it'll make you feel like you aren't doing it right) or that you are missing social cues: I have an niece that went to a therapist to learn this and if you think it might be something like this, I fully endorse this.
Re: Ask HN: Why is machine learning easier to learn than basic social skills?
#83Because we all are different. Your brain is wired in ways which makes some things easier and some things harder. Look at those who feel bored working with things you feel exited about. Find yourself (in another words whats suits your brain more) and don't try to be who you can't become.
> any advice on acquiring these basic social skills?
Find peoples with similar given and ask what worked for them. Advises from "natural" extroverts won't work for you.
Re: Ask HN: Why is machine learning easier to learn than basic social skills?
#84Compare the number of models you've trained and the number of times you've made a negotiation, introduced yourself to someone new, reached out to an old connection. Practice makes perfect.
When you mess up a training you get a little error message. When you mess up a social interaction you get awkward laughs. People who never become good Programmers give up after the first error message. Don't give up after the first awkward laugh.
Re: Ask HN: Why is machine learning easier to learn than basic social skills?
#85Read "How to Win Friends and Influence People"- its old but human interaction hasn't changed that much.
Its also just a matter of practice- as I'm sure you know from ML, no amount of reading can substitute for trying something.
I also like "Never Split the Difference"- although its on negotiation specifically, I think much of the book applies broadly to building rappore.
Re: Ask HN: Why is machine learning easier to learn than basic social skills?
#86Without more context it's difficult to give you specific advice since "social skills" can mean very different things in various personal situations and cultures, including what you think may be expected.
Possibly interesting (4 parts): https://www.stilldrinking.org/what-it-s-like-to-be-a-fake-ex...
Re: Ask HN: Why is machine learning easier to learn than basic social skills?
#87Any examples of youtube videos you've watch and the papers you read?
Re: Ask HN: Why is machine learning easier to learn than basic social skills?
#88machine is simple, people not
Re: Ask HN: Why is machine learning easier to learn than basic social skills?
#89It's not. I think you just need to go out more. Social skills are not improved by spending all your time indoor in front of your computer playing with the latest cool new framework, or learning about ML from youtube or grinding leetcode for that next fancy job or playing videogames or watching Netflix. IMHO social skills are easy to pick up, and that's coming from an introvert, you just need to put yourself out there…
> so these people are most likely the ones who have spend their prime years mostly indoor in front of a screen working away on code and algos, chasing that top dream job, instead of "out-there" working with people.
God damn, this is the cherry on top for an entire post that was a pile of borderline condescending platitudes.
This hand wavy advice of just going “out there” and interacting with people is unhelpful. Out where? Be specific. Changing where you are isn’t going to fix your problem. You’ll just end up going out to do things you don’t really care about or like just so you can get some interaction with people you may not have much in common with. And when you get tired you’ll just go back home and do the solitary anti-social things you actually enjoy and be your real self again. Pretending to be an extrovert will do you no favors in discovering how you actually want to socialize.
To really learn social skills, you first have to start with what do you hope to gain from having them? Then you can work backwards and figure out how to get there. Many times it doesn’t even have to involve going “out there”. Some of the most intense socializing I’ve done was during the COVID lockdowns of 2020.
Re: Ask HN: Why is machine learning easier to learn than basic social skills?
#90because writing programs that automate the detection of statistical regularities in syntax absolutely pales in comparison to the complexity of being an agent actively participating in the complex interactions of semantics, embedded in some syntactic scaffold.
I mean this without a shred of sarcasm or irony: be thankful that this is so.