get yourself checked out for being on the autism spectrum. most people find the opposite true.
Ask HN: Why is machine learning easier to learn than basic social skills?
31–40 of 182 posts
Re: Ask HN: Why is machine learning easier to learn than basic social skills?
#32My theory is that everyone starts off with the assumption that other people work like they do and, in the vast majority of cases, this is true so learning is easy. e.g. if you care about these annoying unwritten rules yourself, then it's easy to follow them. If you're one of the people who finds this annoying, you probably also don't care when other people break them, and then you have to learn by observation alone,…
> What I don't understand is why this seems to so often coexist with a mind that can learn machine learning off of Youtube. I'm curious as well if there is a correlation between practicing meta-cognition and these issues. My experience being on the spectrum and having communication difficulties with neurotypical folks has had me at times trying to diagram where we are getting stuck then realizing the other person is…
The best world is one in which everyone had is willing to unpack their positions, the second best is one where those of us who can are able to build a bridge, at least in polite conversation, to those who can't/won't
Re: Ask HN: Why is machine learning easier to learn than basic social skills?
#33Maybe you should approach human interactions the same way you approach ML. I'd recommend watching YouTube videos with Vanessa Van Edwards or reading one of her books as a good starting point.
Re: Ask HN: Why is machine learning easier to learn than basic social skills?
#34It's not. I think you just need to go out more. Social skills are not improved by spending all your time indoor in front of your computer playing with the latest cool new framework, or learning about ML from youtube or grinding leetcode for that next fancy job or playing videogames or watching Netflix. IMHO social skills are easy to pick up, and that's coming from an introvert, you just need to put yourself out there…
I can try to help out with my haphazard guide to social skills that I’ve picked up from my experiences. This is tailored to the biases most nerds have towards social interactions. 1. Stop trying to make sense of everything people do in social situations using logic. There is a deeper logic to most things people do however you are much better off imitating what others do at first. And then observing and taking feedbac…
"Whenever you are interacting with another person stop thinking about yourself too much. You should be absorbing everything you can about the other person. Their goals, their hopes, their dreams, their fears. Obviously you do it step by step and don’t escalate to these directly."
With the absolute phrasing of "Whenever you are interacting with another person" I strongly have to disagree.
It is very important to learn how to protect yourself from other peoples "goals, hopes, dreams, fears" unless you really want to connect to that person.
True human connection comes, when both sides are interested in a connection and not if one or both sides are faking interest.
Re: Ask HN: Why is machine learning easier to learn than basic social skills?
#35I have found that the vast majority of people are very warm, considerate and forgiving.
As long as you're honest and transparent with everyone around you (including yourself), you don't necessarily need to worry too much about the 'skills' bit of "social skills". Just concentrate on the 'social' bit.
Re: Ask HN: Why is machine learning easier to learn than basic social skills?
#36It's a matter of upbringing and whether you are dominantly a logical/thinking type or an intuitive/feeling type.. if that makes sense. Don't worry about being inferior, there's no better or worse in life, there's just better or worse adapted to a certain situation or task.
You are just 18, still a teenager, don't worry, you'll pick up social interaction soon enough. Also there's no social interaction that is generally _the_ one way to behave. A part of mastering it for you may also be finding _your_ people, with whom you can vibe, so to speak.
Spend some time alone, without Internet and feel inside/observe yourself. Find out what _you_ really want, not what Youtube or society tells you, you should want. This is very, very, very important. Otherwise you may waste a serious amount of time and happiness on trying to force yourself to be something you are not. It's crazy how much energy is spent on that alone on this planet. I bet you if we could capture that energy, we would have colonies on 3 planets in our solar system and warp drive to explore beyond.
Good luck!
Re: Ask HN: Why is machine learning easier to learn than basic social skills?
#37> But 18 years of human interaction and I'm still missing out on social skills apparently. Also consider who told you this. I'm well liked but I have had my doubts because some people constantly make a big fuzz of nothing. When I look back at it after 7 years I realize I was significantly more well behaved than the person picking on me. Furthermore, something I made note of from minor celebrity around here. He said s…
Another consideration is whether the OP should change their context, even radically. For example, I found it way easier to make friends in the suburbs until I had a kid. If I didn't plan on having a kid, I shouldn't have moved to the suburbs. I'm not sure any amount of charm would have helped my integrate into the kid-centric culture. I'm generalizing about 'the suburbs' of course - there are many axes on which to ev…
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Re: Ask HN: Why is machine learning easier to learn than basic social skills?
#38There is some good advice here, so take this as an "in addition to", not an "instead of".
It may be worth checking if you are neurodivergent in some way. A number of people close to me have had mid-life realisations that they are on the ASD and/or ADHD spectrums.
Naturally not everyone that struggles with social skills will be neurodivergent, and vice-versa. But there is some degree of correlation so it may be worth considering.
Oddly, TikTok has been a pretty accurate diagnosis tool. If TikTok shows you a number of very relatable neurodivergent-related videos then that may be a useful starting point. If it just shows you a bunch of dancing people, then ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Re: Ask HN: Why is machine learning easier to learn than basic social skills?
#39Earlier quoted context omitted.
I can try to help out with my haphazard guide to social skills that I’ve picked up from my experiences. This is tailored to the biases most nerds have towards social interactions. 1. Stop trying to make sense of everything people do in social situations using logic. There is a deeper logic to most things people do however you are much better off imitating what others do at first. And then observing and taking feedbac…
"Whenever you are interacting with another person stop thinking about yourself too much. You should be absorbing everything you can about the other person. Their goals, their hopes, their dreams, their fears. Obviously you do it step by step and don’t escalate to these directly." With the absolute phrasing of "Whenever you are interacting with another person" I strongly have to disagree. It is very important to learn…
True human connection is an special event. Most of your life, you need to be able to go about your day, while everybody else is also going about their days. Most people are not interested in a two sided connection with you specifically - they have other people that they are already spending energy and effort in connecting.
Superficial connections are the bread and butter of socialization.
Re: Ask HN: Why is machine learning easier to learn than basic social skills?
#40I think the thing about social skills is that a lot of it is about unlearning, rather than learning.
Let's say you're chatting with someone you don't know, one to one. You feel like you don't know what to say, so you try and think of something and move the conversation in a new direction; maybe you read a little bit online about social interactions and try to use that in your conversation, but it feels like it falls flat.
My experience is that this is because each social interaction you're having is a call for you to become more aware of yourself. At the point when you felt like you didn't know what to say, maybe you were filled with anxiety or shame, maybe you felt humiliated that everyone else seems to know these rules for social interactions that you don't. Maybe you felt uncomfortable about the other person's body language.
So, rather than trying to learn basic social skills, you need to learn more self awareness, which will eventually lead to unlearning the anxiety or shame or whatever else came up during the interaction. This will give more space for you to be present with the other person, and you can look for a sort of flow to the conversation. Next time maybe you just leave space for a couple of seconds and they continue the conversation, or something fun pops it your head spontaneously. It's not about trying to find the rules that exist that everyone else knows, it's about trying to find the you that exists underneath your anxieties and pain and other difficult feelings that you haven't yet delved into or fully experienced.
I think generally being blocked up in social interactions is due to unresolved experiences earlier in your life, and I found that psychotherapy helped me a lot with this, and also meditation and yoga. Also, some social interactions are a lot more complex than others, for example more people may mean more complex (although some people may find group situations easier).