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An introverts guide to increasing energy

ashleyjanssen.com

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Re: An introverts guide to increasing energy

#91

Post by musingsole »

hsrhtt wrote: post #75
hliyan wrote: post #31

For over 25 years I wondered why social events drained me and what neurological phenomenon the metaphor "energy" stood for (which this article and many others like it don't seem to bother investigating). I've recently come to realize that it's the extent to which you see other human beings as a threat, which causes your brain to keep its "shields up", which can feel exhausting. After a observing myself a lot during s…

I just made this account to say that this really resonated with me. I also have a decent size of group of friends who I can relax and feel energized afterwards. We also drink and generally don't have a lot of social formalities. But nothing drains my energy like my family and in-laws. We are from developing country with a lot of social and religious rules. And whenever I am with them I am not being myself. I have to…

It's only paranoia if they aren't judging you.

Re: An introverts guide to increasing energy

#92

Post by musingsole »

amelius wrote: post #3

Parties also generally drain my energy. But I've found out something interesting. If people start playing games at a party (like card games), or if there is a discussion of a topic that really interests me, then my energy is magically replenished. Weird.

I'm the opposite. Break out a structured game in a party setting, and I'll need a nap ASAP. Let everyone amorphously mingle, and I can last for hours.

Re: An introverts guide to increasing energy

#93

Post by roofone »

brhsagain wrote: post #77
ca98am79 wrote: post #69

Earlier quoted context omitted.

For me the draining part is small talk. I don't really feel confident in my ability to small talk and I also really don't like to do it. But I feel it is a kind of bonding ritual between strangers that I don't understand. I feel that most people don't even think about it and can just do it naturally, like riding a bike. But for me it is like juggling ten balls. Even checking out groceries with a cashier is really dra…

I used to feel this way until I heard an explanation that made it click ever since. Small talk is a channel with a single bit of information, which is "I am not your enemy." This is different from "I am your friend." It's the same reason monkeys pull bugs out of each other's fur. All people want from you when making small talk is for you to talk about the inane things in your life with a positive energy. The inane ch…

Similar: I think of it as the "I'm not crazy and/or dangerous" indicator. It also allows you to assess how compatible you'll be conversationally.

It's the handshake portion of the Human Data Exchange Protocol (HDEP). I'm fine with that, but similarly to the previous poster, I'm lost when small talk goes beyond the first few transactions. I usually don't know what to say and/or don't usually care about what they are saying.

Re: An introverts guide to increasing energy

#95

Post by roofone »

MichailP wrote: post #73
hliyan wrote: post #31

For over 25 years I wondered why social events drained me and what neurological phenomenon the metaphor "energy" stood for (which this article and many others like it don't seem to bother investigating). I've recently come to realize that it's the extent to which you see other human beings as a threat, which causes your brain to keep its "shields up", which can feel exhausting. After a observing myself a lot during s…

I must add that this feeling "people judging you" is mostly YOU. That is we THINK what other people are thinking, as we don't have direct link to their brains. The intensity of this feeling is related to your personal feeling of your self worth, which again doesn't have much to do with any realistic criteria. From my personal experience people love you, find you interesting, miss you when you are not there, etc. much…

I don't fully disagree, but I am constantly judging others (much to my dismay). And, then I also see articles like "Research indicates that only about half of perceived friendships are mutual" (https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=12246819).

Re: An introverts guide to increasing energy

#96

Post by Stupulous »

hliyan wrote: post #31

For over 25 years I wondered why social events drained me and what neurological phenomenon the metaphor "energy" stood for (which this article and many others like it don't seem to bother investigating). I've recently come to realize that it's the extent to which you see other human beings as a threat, which causes your brain to keep its "shields up", which can feel exhausting. After a observing myself a lot during s…

Adding a bit to the other side of the equation, I think extraversion and introversion are independent spectrums. The 'introverts get energy from being alone, extraverts get energy from social interactions" explanation implies that introverts can function as hermits in total isolation and extraverts have no need for 'me time'; this is not my experience. Almost everyone has some baseline social needs that need to be met, and almost everyone needs some quantity of time alone.

Re: An introverts guide to increasing energy

#97

Post by Vedor »

astrophysics wrote: post #54
amelius wrote: post #47

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I have a hard time decoding conversations and that extra churn is what exhausts me in the first place Yes. The more you shy away from big gatherings, the harder it becomes to decode audio signals in noisy environments. It also doesn't help if you're much smaller or taller than other people.

Wow, maybe this explains why I can't hear anything in large groups of people.

Just curious, have you checked your hearing recently?

For a long time I believed that I can't hear anything in large groups because I'm introvert (which I am) and large groups exhaust me. Turned out to be hearing problem.

And the thing is that I never had a feeling that my hearing is poor. But some day I got tinnitus that did not go away over time, and after some tests I learnt that I'm almost deaf for high-frequency tones. It impairs speech understanding, especially when there is a lot of background noise like on busy street... or family gatherings.

Re: An introverts guide to increasing energy

#98

Post by jefc1111 »

The graphic for "What introverts do to recharge at parties" really resonates with me. I'm going to expand on that by mentioning that one of the reasons I wanted to have children was as an accessory at social events (especially weddings - the most terrifying of all). It has worked out really well, thankfully. Especially at weddings.

Re: An introverts guide to increasing energy

#99

Post by bluekmc82 »

whilestanding wrote: post #87
bluekmc82 wrote: post #2

I love these types of articles. I have joined many FB introvert groups. Seeing that there are others like me gives me a lot of comfort. I’m learning to adjust my expectations of myself more than trying to radically adjust myself.

You also may have joined yet another victim class echo chamber.

I don’t think so. I look at it like understanding any biological design. But I understand what you’re saying.

Re: An introverts guide to increasing energy

#100

Post by robryan »

lgrialn wrote: post #85
paulsutter wrote: post #52

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Public speaking seemed impossible to me until I actually had something I wanted to say to a given group of people. Then it felt natural. The same applies to parties or events. I enjoy them if I have something I want to discuss with the people present Of course either case is fairly rare for me

Yes, a realization I came to awfully belatedly. As a kid, all those speeches and essays where I struggled anxiously with topics I didn’t know much about or care much about, and bullshitting is not one my strengths or preferences. Decades later, I’m rather more aware and more opinionated, but my days of addressing groups of people seem to be long over.

What got me as a kid was both not having strong opinions and worrying about whether my weak opinions would be acceptable to the other kids. Music for example was a bit of a minefield as I worried whether what I would suggest would be something others would approve of. Eventually developed much stronger tastes where I would be happy to stand by it if others didn’t like it.
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