Ask HN: I feel so shallow and dumb when I see what other smart people are doing

Welcome to your quarter-life tech crisis, dude! Have a cookie.

You aren't untalented, empty and dumb. You just lack self-esteem and perspective.

You don't appreciate what you're capable of. If you can write code and combine technical knowledge with well-crafted English sentences, you already have skills most people on the planet never will. If you work in tech in general, you are blessed with a life free of physical exertion, with a flexible schedule, and the opportunity for a high paycheck. You are very fortunate. If you were actually untalented, empty and dumb, but still benefiting from this occupation, you're very fortunate indeed!

And you don't feel bad because you think you're untalented, empty and dumb. You feel bad because you're judgemental and egotistical. You look at people who, to you, appear to be more accomplished, and then you look at yourself, and you judge yourself. Imagine if you were doing this to someone else; "Catherine is so untalented, empty and dumb, because she hasn't achieved what Karl did. What a stupid loser!" Your egotism drives the urge for an inflated self-view, but then your self-judgement for lack of accomplishment lowers your self-esteem.

You want to be someone better; someone that you'd admire. But you're unwilling to put in the effort and risk it takes to be admirable. You're here on HN telling thousands of strangers how you feel like crap, wanting one of us to give you some magic words to make it easier to either reconcile your thoughts or make something of yourself. But there are no magic words. Whether you're satisfied with life or not is completely up to you alone. You can decide to be satisfied and be happy. Or you can decide to be unsatisfied and be unhappy. Or, you can decide to be momentarily unsatisfied/unhappy, and do the difficult work to change that state. Climbing tall mountains isn't easy.

You don't have to "do something" or "be smart". You don't have to learn anything new, be impressive or accomplished. Those things will not make you a better person, or even happier. But you can attempt those things if you choose to. Coast, carve, or climb; pick one. And stop judging yourself, and stop underestimating your own accomplishments.

There's another angle here too. Kids often force us to re-evaluate our own habits and improve. Here's what I mean. Imagine you are teaching your kid (OP: the kid can be imaginary, just imagine that you love them very much) about nutrition and all they want to do is eat junk food. You talk about how important it is for their health, and suddenly realize that maybe your own diet isn't the greatest. And if you wouldn't advise your own diet to your kid, why are you eating this stuff? Same with the overly harsh inner critic. Imagine your kid with this kind of self-talk. You'd want to hug them first and foremost, and second - teach them healthier ways of processing these emotions. Yes, having ambition and pride in one's work are important, but so it having confidence. Undermining confidence is counterproductive to achievement. Ideally you'd want to see your kid try hard, notice when they fail, take responsibility, and try harder next time rather than hitting the easy mode "mope button".

My kids taught me both these lessons.

You might also be absolutely stunned if you ever learned what specific individual sacrifices were made by the people you see as being successful. In most cases, I think, something in the chain is likely to cross into a no fly zone for your own moral compass.

I often feel something along the lines of this as well. I often feel like no matter how much effort and energy and passion I put into something, nobody will care. It's like screaming into the void. If almost nobody sees this comment, well, that just proves my point.

Hey I've got a Comp Sci PhD and let me tell you I'm dumb as a rock. I have very little short term memory and my long term memory is also terrible.

FWIW the people that finish PhDs are the most stubborn/persevering and not the most intelligent (the most intelligent are those that DONT start a PhD haha).

But in all seriousness most of the achievements you see are product of someone just picking at their stone day to day. It's just a matter of doing a d doing every day. You could write a assembly game or anything else if you decided to sit down , start and dedicating 1 or 2 hours a day every day .

Regarding medication, I take amitriptyline every night and I dont think it makes me stupid. It does remove some of the mood "edge".