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Ask HN: I feel so shallow and dumb when I see what other smart people are doing

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Re: Ask HN: I feel so shallow and dumb when I see what other smart people are doing

#151

Post by alfiedotwtf »

dvh1990 wrote: post #23

I'll be brutally honest because I used to be in your situation. Each and every person you admire has poured thousands of hours into some project. For some that's a degree. For some it's a game they wrote, for others it's company that they've started... Have you done that? Spent thousands of hours on a single thing? Focused on a project long enough to actually see results? I'm guessing not, because if you would have t…

> Ask yourself why you are content with doing anything besides the one thing that you should do: Commit to some project and don't give up until it is done?

This!

It sounds like OP wants to be the best basketballer but only plays one game ever second weekend, but then compares themselves to that person who is practicing hoops straight after dinner for 3 hours in the rain.

Turn off your TV, stop watching Netflix, and close that YouTube tab...

Prioritise your goals, pick the top one, spend at least one hour per day towards that first goal until done, then move down that list if there's still time in the day. Repeat!

Re: Ask HN: I feel so shallow and dumb when I see what other smart people are doing

#152

Post by DyslexicAtheist »

baby wrote: post #93
interroboink wrote: post #46

My recommendation: feel your feelings, all the way through. There might be some tendency, when you feel small, to feel bad about feeling small — as though it is further evidence of your worthlessness — and that itself makes you feel worse, and down the spiral you go... Been there (: But if you make space for (or even _welcome_) those feelings, even if you don't like them, then in my experience you end up at a better…

I have a hard time understanding what you mean by welcoming them, or feeling them through. But if I interpret that as “accepting it”, as in understanding that it’s totally fine and that pressure is always created from comparing yourself, then I agree. Feynmann himself is famous for saying “disregards”.

not OP but for me it means not sedating myself with drugs or distraction. But to stop what I am doing and let that feeling rush over me so I can study it and learn from what that feeling is teaching me. Why do I feel that way? is it rational? Oh it is just a feeling. It will not last. Creating this habit allows me to be clearer about what triggers my emotions, how to deal with them and fix the underlying cause. Once fixed new emotions or fears always come sooner or later again (and they always will), but I know I can deal with it.

Re: Ask HN: I feel so shallow and dumb when I see what other smart people are doing

#153

Post by dvh1990 »

sanderjd wrote: post #130
dvh1990 wrote: post #23

I'll be brutally honest because I used to be in your situation. Each and every person you admire has poured thousands of hours into some project. For some that's a degree. For some it's a game they wrote, for others it's company that they've started... Have you done that? Spent thousands of hours on a single thing? Focused on a project long enough to actually see results? I'm guessing not, because if you would have t…

This gets at the crux of my angst along the OP's line: When I look at people who have dedicated themselves to that thing that they pored so many hours into, what I always wonder is, "How did they make the decision to put so much of their time into that thing ." Like, I agree with OP that the Roller Coaster Tycoon one man project is really impressive. But there's no world in which I could possibly care enough about bu…

Well how can you find something you like without giving it a serious try first?

I've been playing guitar for 16 years. I'm not pro-level, but I'm as good as I want to be and I love it. Did I love it from the get go? Hell no. I actually hated guitar for the entire first year of practice, but I stuck with it and as I got better I eventually developed a deep love for it.

Trying new things, REALLY trying for long enough to actually get somewhere, is a risk. Question is, are you willing to take such a risk? Or would you rather do the alternative which is sitting and waiting until something compelling falls in your lap?

Re: Ask HN: I feel so shallow and dumb when I see what other smart people are doing

#154

Post by dvh1990 »

JohnBooty wrote: post #143
dvh1990 wrote: post #94

Reading through the various comments, I wonder what happened to good old-fashioned ambition. Other than my post, all I can see are "it's ok, I feel the same way, don't change" replies. We used to admire our heroes and try to emulate them, and if fortunate enough, come as close to them as our talents and circumstances would allow. And we did that through hard work, through having lofty goals and working hard to achiev…

Why are we forsaking that in favor of a "you don't have to try so hard, it's ok to be mediocre" mindset? One reason many feel is the fact that being "the best" often just means making some crappy corporation richer; when you start to feel that the whole system kind of sucks it gets harder to care about accomplishing things within it. I grew up wanting to be a game developer, but what would that mean in a practical se…

I think it's perfectly fine to say "I'm happy where I am, I don't want more".

But that's not the OPs sentiment. I think that deep inside OP feels entitled to higher achievements than they have been able to reach, and are resentful of the fact that life hasn't been unfolding properly for a person of their talent.

To that I say, how long are you going to nurse your ambition without getting up and doing something about it?

Re: Ask HN: I feel so shallow and dumb when I see what other smart people are doing

#155

Post by bladegash »

nelblu wrote: post #120
foobarian wrote: post #33

I have these kinds of feelings a lot. It is hard to feel useful in this day and age of a ubiquitous globally connected society because for anything you attempt to do you have instant access to the top 0.0001% of the Bell curve who you have no hope of ever beating. I find comfort in that I am not alone, thinking of all the peasants and regular workers across history who didn't amount to much either, but still mostly f…

I find kids overwhelming, in fact, if I had kids (I don't yet) I would be constantly worried about making sure they get the best of life. I have a dog and he is already a lot of work, I even feel bad on days when it rains and I can't take him out as long as I would like to. I feel bad when I go out for dinner with friends and have to leave him alone. The feeling of raising a dependent is not fun (for me at least). It…

Your post reminded me of when my first daughter was born. I remember me and my ex-wife would wonder, “how do people do this with two children!?”.

Not too long after, we had our second daughter. We very quickly realized that the answer to the question was “you just do”.

At least for me, I also realized our second daughter got less attention/coddling, but turned out just as great/spirited/happy.

Sometimes, I recognize that I hold myself to an unrealistically high standard/expectation. While setting the bar high can help one accomplish great things, but can also leave them feeling like they never measure up to their unreasonably high standards.

Kids are a lot of work for sure and require a lot of sacrifice. However, I hope you don’t avoid having kids because you don’t think you can be a good enough parent. The fact you are worried about it is already a sign, in my book, you’d make a pretty great and thoughtful parent.

Re: Ask HN: I feel so shallow and dumb when I see what other smart people are doing

#156

Post by marnett »

mylons wrote: post #79
foobarian wrote: post #33

I have these kinds of feelings a lot. It is hard to feel useful in this day and age of a ubiquitous globally connected society because for anything you attempt to do you have instant access to the top 0.0001% of the Bell curve who you have no hope of ever beating. I find comfort in that I am not alone, thinking of all the peasants and regular workers across history who didn't amount to much either, but still mostly f…

there's a great bit from Louis CK on this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P1-7AKx_4Ug "You get to read to kill a mockingbird." when he says it is hilarious and I often remember that when moments seem shitty.

This is a great bit of his. In his 2017 special he provides a darker, but similarly themed line of thinking. He has a whole bit about a man whose life is, from the outside, seemingly so dull and horrible. And the entire premise "what is delaying his suicide?!" I know dark humor is not everyone's cup of tea, but the bit did remind me that the perseverance and self preservation of man is a beautiful thing.

Re: Ask HN: I feel so shallow and dumb when I see what other smart people are doing

#157

Post by erik_landerholm »

I’ve started companies and done some pretty cool technical things, but stuff like wrote a game like that in assembly does the same thing to me, in terms of feeling less than. I don’t find making a game as much of a “higher calling” so it doesn’t bother me in the sense of worthiness, but in terms of technical skill…it’s humbling, but that’s ok.

Re: Ask HN: I feel so shallow and dumb when I see what other smart people are doing

#158

Post by chaxor »

It seems that you're taking the best aspects of many people and combining them into one idealized person. This is most clear in your post when you transition from speaking about people who are "very intelligent" because they have graduate degrees, and then directly after that you mention how many people earn exceedingly well. It doesn't really work like that. If you pick a life of academia, you typically forfeit high pay although you likely aren't motivated by currency anyway); while conversely moving into industry with a vicious interest in money will more likely land you there.

This is similar to the problem with social media. People see the highlights and assume they're missing out on life. We often forget that the few victories (which may seem small compared to the years of effort places in them) that we have are shuffled into that feed, so everyone gets their moment of fame.

Don't get too upset about it and keep remembering that it's because were all sharing these moments that it seems like people are doing so much. We are, but its collective. Dont worry, you're doing great.

Re: Ask HN: I feel so shallow and dumb when I see what other smart people are doing

#159

Post by hyperpallium2 » 

  > There’s a lot of subjects and activities that I’m really interested of getting into but I can’t just dive into it.
I'm guessing you feel a small amount of progress wouldn't count? Seeing it as nothing is a delusion of everyday life.

Add a little to a little and soon there is a lot.

Re: Ask HN: I feel so shallow and dumb when I see what other smart people are doing

#160

Post by polishdude20 »

foobarian wrote: post #33

I have these kinds of feelings a lot. It is hard to feel useful in this day and age of a ubiquitous globally connected society because for anything you attempt to do you have instant access to the top 0.0001% of the Bell curve who you have no hope of ever beating. I find comfort in that I am not alone, thinking of all the peasants and regular workers across history who didn't amount to much either, but still mostly f…

One thing I realize as I get older is those 10x people are 10x in usually one aspect of their lives. They've dedicated a huge amount of time to one thing. There's lots of people like that who sacrifice other things that you value and vice versa. You can specialize in one very nice thing and get really good at it or spread out your time to more than one thing.
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