Ask HN: I feel so shallow and dumb when I see what other smart people are doing

Given our window of attention is limited, what we see all day is excellence and we feel mediocre.

In short get out of your virtual world and go people watching in the real world to find that you are good enough.

If you have that belief, sometimes the way to get out of it is to play it out to conclusion.

That being said, I was drawn to the thread for helpful replies and enjoyed feeling that I'm not alone in feeling like OP.

Your reply resonated most with me personally. I even told my wife about it specifically and would like to explore it more.

>Start digging _deep_ for your good qualities, remind yourself of them constantly. >Start doing the opposite, and work on radical acceptance.

I have a fundamental feeling, that I should do this even more. I have been seeing a therapist a couple of years back who helped me there. No that I'm OK, I struggle to go there more in order to go from OK to GREAT, it feels entitled.

>You are probably much smarter, much more talented, and have more good qualities than you realize.

One part of me, knows that on a "for a fact" level. But another part immediately spoils the party by calling that "arrogant", "full of myself". It's all relative as others have said pick the general population in my city, country, planet and I'm "successful". Pick the 0.00001% NBA-all stars and I'm not.

I was trying to research more about what "insecure overachievers" can do to help accept/unlock themselves.

>You can find joy and happiness in life, once you accept that what that looks like for you is different than how it looks for other people. Acceptance is key.

Again this is hard for me personally to internalize.

My first reaction is dismissing that statement as "entitled". "Oh do you think you're so special you need a special definition of joy and happiness and success?"

Probably, because (i) I have been taught and (ii) I'm telling myself and (iii) teaching my kids now that "entitlement" is not good.

Having re-read the statement over and over, it's less clear how it can spark these negative emotions against myself.

Of course we are all beautiful snowflakes, that's also something I learned, believe and teach my kids. Why is it so much easier for me to grant that privilege to every human being than to myself?

Thank you for reading.

So, on the face of it you have imposter syndrome. Many kind commenters have already offered up a bunch of platitudes to help in that department. It's a surprisingly common thing, actually.

What's less common is low self-esteem or self-hatred to a degree that it becomes a major impediment in your life. Your post is littered with language that suggests this. I know, because I've lived that reality my entire adult life. It ain't fun.

But you know what? While as real as that feeling is, to say it's not exactly rooted in truth would be an understatement. Your brain's biochemistry has an outsized effect on your perception of reality, which includes both how you view yourself and what thoughts tend to percolate within your mind.

There's something called the Default Mode Network[0] which is often mentioned in pop-sci neurology and psych articles. I'm not qualified to speak on it from any scientific or medical point of view. However, what I can tell you is that for me, understanding it on a relatively simplistic level has served as a fantastic metaphor that has allowed me to both forgive myself, and understand that my own negative self-image often times isn't necessarily rooted in truth.

When I've taken medication known to suppress, affect or otherwise normalize the DMN, the difference is so dramatic to the point of being: "Wow, I.. I don't hate myself right now." as if it's something novel I barely have a concept of. Not hating yourself is of course the first step to having any sort of foundation you can build on.

I'd say "don't compare yourself to others", or "love yourself", but platitudes like that are more detrimental than helpful when whoever you're saying it to someone who couldn't if they tried due to overwhelming biochemical forces at play. I don't know if that's true in your case, but it seems like it could be a possibility.

>I sometimes wonder if my mental condition or my medication has had an effect on this: I'm bipolar schizoaffective and borderline.

Yes, it probably has everything to do with it. With that diagnosis, you play life on hard mode and don't really have a choice in the matter. In my opinion, you should be congratulating yourself for doing as well as you are. This isn't to say you're somehow inferior to others; on the contrary, you seem very intelligent.

I would show your post to your psychiatrist and see what they think. It's likely that they have a very good idea how to help you, because they see that kind of thing a lot.

[0] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Default_mode_network

"You get to read to kill a mockingbird." when he says it is hilarious and I often remember that when moments seem shitty.