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Finding Your Swagger

kevinyien.com

91–92 of 92 posts

Re: Finding Your Swagger

#91

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Be kind. Would "I think you might be misunderstanding ego" have been a better way to phrase it? > are traits to be admired Oh I agree, I am not making a claim about what HN-types revere, I was addressing how two very distinct psychological terms are often misused. Like, for example, if I kept calling C an interpreted language; or claimed there's no difference between TCP or UDP; that's the same as equating assertiv…

> Would "I think you might be misunderstanding ego" have been a better way to phrase it? No. "The way that I understand the word 'ego,' is thus..." If you really can't live without applying a slap, may I suggest: "I feel that this word is often misused. The way that I understand the word is ... If it is applied in the way that I understand it, then ..." I'm a fairly decent chap. I have some experience and knowledge,…

I think this is almost a perfect example of someone thinking they're personally being assertive and someone else thinking that person is being an asshole.

On the one hand, yeah, the original comment could have used softer phrasing, could equivocate more, could signal curiosity better. On the other hand, if you know something just say what it is you think you know.

On the responder's end, yeah, if you think someone is being excessively aggressive with their language, call it out. On the other hand, apply the principle of charity and try to hear what the other person is saying.

Re: Finding Your Swagger

#92
post #30
post #14

I'm sorry, but I can't connect the dots in that story. 1) He did great (like, there's actual metrics mentioned) 2) Others wanted a different direction (even though he did great?) and didn't tell him 3) They excluded him from meetings 4) They fired him 5) He blamed not "re-centering" himself In the notes, he mentions that one of his later decisions (splitting engineering) was a bad choice. So isn't that the core of it…

Yes, it's quite obscure. The meeting with the COO that asks for a brain dump and then fire him the morning after is the most troubling. Did the COO want to get what was on his mind so the company would lose nothing by firing him? Or was he utterly disappointed about said mind? I really don't understand what any of this has to do with swagger. Yet it is true you have to find it, and it's not obvious. Many times, what…

> Did the COO want to get what was on his mind so the company would lose nothing by firing him? Or was he utterly disappointed about said mind?

In abusive environments, there is no logic, both things can be "true" at the same time. The COO wants to hurt him by firing him, but on some level also realizes that his contribution is valuable. Just because they want to get rid of him, that is no reason not to use him for one last time.

(Usually this works the other way round: people are told that they are worthless, but also that it would be highly irresponsible and unethical of them to leave. Somehow, both things can be "true" at the same time.)

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